A question for all mothers!!!?

Question

I've heard a few times that in order to have a great marriage that you should always put your husband before your children. Now I want everyone's opinion about this. Please let me know who you put first and how your marriage is. As far as I go, I put my daughter before my husband all the time and as for our marriage, well it could be better. My husband hardly spends time with us. So please give me your opinions! Thank You!

Well my husband comes hme and he does change diapers. Ok maybe one diaper during the time he is here. Anyway, his mentality is then when he gets home he needs time to himself whether it be to watch a game on tv or to just read or something for himself. I cannot get him to understand that sometimes I need time too but of course I have none because my whole day is with my daughter except during her 1 hour nap that I get away. But I also try talking to him at night before going to bed or when we are having dinner I'll turn the tv off and take all reading material away but he still finds a way to turn the tv back on or read the newspaper! And well I don't exactly know what to do anymore. I feel like our marriage is completely falling apart. It also hurts me that my daughter gets so excited to see him when he comes home and well he doesn't give her the time of day.

Answer 1

Well together (hubby and I) we put our children first. meaning what we do in life is for the welfar of our children and to make their lives the best it can be and raise them to be all they can be with right morals ect.... I do believe every marriage needs its time alone just hubby and wife to keep the communication, romance,ect alive. that dont mean we have to go out and get a baby sitter to do that. Just sitting and talking or watching a movie or doing lil things to keep the flame alive at home is fine. The whole thing is to continue to acknowlede one another and make each other feel like a King or Queen when u are around each other.That is the man or woman u are going to pend the rest of ur life with when the kids grow up and leave. Dont intervene when hubby is disciplining unless there is abuse. otherwise after hubby sends the child to his or her room or later on, talk with ur man and express how u feel about what went on. U both come to agreements together and follow the agreements. Letting the kids know u are jumping from side to side will teach them that they(kids) run the show and it makes ur partner feel unimportant. Yes my husband comes first and our marriage is GREAT. Its not like all I do in life is for him and him only. we work together to make our lives better for us and our children. we work together and stand by each others side. I dont see my man alot of the time either but when we are together I try to make him feel special and like I miss him when he is not here with us physically. He does the same. Life is not perfect. sometimes I am totally wiped out and sometimes he is too. we just do what we can. All in all make sure ur man knows u are there for him and u believe in him and love him with all ur heart. when he comes home, make a big deal that DADDY is home and so on.That will make him want to be a better man ans father. I dont think putting ur partner first means to drop the kids and careless about them any more when daddy or mommy comes home. Letting ur kids see affection and love and working together between mommy and daddy makes them feel more secure. that is putting ur partner first and really it helps make the kids feel #1 by having mommy and daddy together loving them.

Answer 2

Your children are blood relatives, while the only thing tying you to your husband is a legal document. The children always come first, within reason.

Try talking to him and make sure he knows you're serious. Let him know that you didn't make that child yourself so he needs to take some responsibility and help you out more than changing a diaper or two. Set a certain time for the two of them to have "quality time" every day and take that time to do something for yourself.

Sometimes signifigant others need a wakeup call. If things don't get better, then pack a few bags and leave for a few days, don't call him or answer any of his calls. He'll realize what he's missing and he'll be willing to compromise. Just don't pull that card every time things don't go your way. Thats only to be used in desperate situations.

And if things don't improve, then maybe you should think about leaving for good.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

You need to put your husband first for sure during normal times. That means as long as your daughter isn't sick or something. You are supposed to love your children, but you are supposed to be IN LOVE with your husband. Remember that the two of you are modeling for her so she can see what a good love relationship looks like. If you want her to grow up and have a happy marriage, you and your husband need to support, nurture and love each other in front of her. Of course, the older she gets, the more she will be able to do for herself, and then you should spend more time with your husband (e.g., date night, romantic dinner). If you spend your whole life putting the kid or kids first, when they leave home for college, your husband will leave you for a 22 year old who pays him lots of attention!!

The behavior you're describing is of a husband who feels left out and ignored and can't figure out what to do about it.

Answer 4

One word for you Balance. I love my husband and I love my kids. My marriage is not T.V or movie perfect. It is a good one though. Some times there is just not enough hours in the day to please every one.But what usually happens is The kids get me [and my husband when he gets home from work} During the day and then it is our time when the kids go to bed.Even if we only have enough time to have a quick shower together before we go to bed ourselves. Now this is not always the case Life does tend to interrupt our time together but we do the best we can to make the most of what time is ours.

Answer 5

I don't agree that you should put your husband before your children. My husband and I both understand that our kids come first. We have a really good marriage. One thing I might advise is to maybe get him more involved with the kids. Let him take over some of the minor caretaking (like baths or bedtime routine). That would give you a few minutes to relax and focus and your needs and his.

Answer 6

I believe that it is in the bible (if you are christian) that...in this order...God, your mate..then your children. I do believe in any case the commitment has to be honored by both individuals. You know putting your spouse before your children. I will tell you I personally will keep my children's best interest closest to my heart. I also have a great concern for my husband as well but as a mother it is hard to separate my concern for my children. I do hold God closest to my heart.... and I love my husband like crazy...and of course my heart feel directly connected to my children.
I can honestly tell you that the love I have for my children is so different from the love I have for my husband, for apparent reasons. If anything should happen to my kids I feel as though my world would cave right in!!

Answer 7

talk to him maybe he feels neglected. how old is your daughter? itz hard after having a baby b/c u don't have time for husband...i have two kids under the age of 2 and itz hard and we r still working on it...as soon as the children go to sleep (on the days they do sleep early that is..) then we try to spend time with each other as in watch movies or just sit around and talk or a little fooling around...as long as u make him happy and fullfill his needs/desires then ur marraige would work out in the meantime make sure u r communicating with him as much as u can be clear of what he wants cuz sumtimes men can be like children they want attention as well and they want you to look good to them u have to find the time sumtime like maybe twice a week to 'dress' up for him just nice plain simple cute clothes so hez still attracted to u and vice versa. Hope things work out fine in the future for u. It will take time and lots of commitment and communication is the key here !

Answer 8

Your child's needs should go before you and your hubby. However, couples need to have some time together too....I always make time for my husband when our children go to sleep. You need to make time with one another because what are going to do when your children grow up?! You and your husband will not know what to do with each other once the kids are gone. So...make some time for one another!!!

Answer 9

You don't have to put anyone first. Your children are dependent upon you and so it is only right you make sure their needs are taken care of before you worry about your husband. He is old enough to take care of his own needs (except for one thing of course). He should be understanding about your responsibilities to your children. But he shouldn't be ignored either. You should look at your entire family as one and take care of everybody's needs and your husband needs to take care of your needs. If you put God above all else, you will be fine.

Answer 10

i put my son before my husband and he puts our son before me he would be mad if i put him first he after all is a grown up and can take care of himself we have our fights but not very often i think our marriage is great i think your husband puts himself before you or your daughter men take alot longer to get over there selfishness with there time and have a hard time letting go of their youthfulness he'll come around but remember your daughter is and should be your main priority and don't feel guilty