and my own Dad died 8 months earlier so basically double the grief for me, not a pleasant situation.
This guy who knew my dad, came up to me and my mom and said:
"sh** on Tom." and walked away. We didn't even say a word.
I never have spoken to this guy in years and don't know him that well enough to even carry a conversation, but what do you think?
2007-01-18 09:21:01 · 22 answers · asked by * 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Note: He didn't attend my dad's funeral, so why did he bother to stay this hurtful remark?
2007-01-18 09:22:12 · update #1
"Tom" meaning my dad's name.
2007-01-18 09:27:50 · update #2
Who could possibly know that answer except this guy who knew your dad? You must ask him.
2007-01-18 09:25:55 · answer #1 · answered by Desperado 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First you have my sympathy for the loses, especially your dad's. No matter the circumstances, death is a hard thing to deal with. Some people say that everyone must deal with it in their own way and that there are no right or wrong answers. I suppose there is some amount of truth in that but that doesn't make his comment appropriate.
You didn't say if Tom was your friend's dad or yours. The only difference is that it will hurt more if he is your dad. His answer was still inappropriate and should not have been spoken in public. If this person has a legitimate complaint with Tom he should have addressed it while he was alive, not now and not in that way. It shows how little feelings he has about other people.
The best thing to do is forget. It will do no one any good to pursue his reasoning. Right it was nothing more than an ugly comment. If you pursue it I am sure things will get blown out of proportion and many more ugly things may be said. Take comfort in the fact that you ignored his remark.
2007-01-18 17:35:14 · answer #2 · answered by ttpawpaw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going out on a limb here:
Could it be an expression that he was using, such as "sh*t - on Tom", meaning - "sh*t "- on the death of Tom??
Other than that possibility what he said was absolutely cutting and inappropriate.
It would leave me wondering what he meant too. Is there a way you could look him up & ask him point blank? It is easy for people to say let it go - some things you need to know for yourself - just to understand, why.
I'm sorry about your Dad & your friend.
2007-01-18 18:09:12 · answer #3 · answered by ☼High☼Voltage☼Blonde☼ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Guy obviously had no manors and obviously wasn't much of a person either. Anybody with any smarts at all whether or not what kind of person Tom was, would not go up to someone in ther time of greif and add to it to make himself feel better. That person much be very small inside and will one day get was he has sewn.
2007-01-19 08:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by David H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear about you losing your dad and friend. Could you please explain who Tom is?....Thanks for explaining. That really was a hurtful and nonsensical remark by a complete idiot. Was the guy on something? It must have been very upsetting for you and your mom, but try and put it down to the guy being too ignorant and stupid for words
2007-01-18 17:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man is obviously a heartless bastard that had some kind of problem with your father. I know it must be hard to deal with but you should take the high road and ignore him. Getting into it won't help you or your mother's grief. Hopefully some day that man will realize the pain he's caused others and have to face that himself.
2007-01-18 17:30:02 · answer #6 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy had some unresolved issue with your dad. These tend to manifest in different ways, anger, addictions, neglect etc. So he was probably just venting the only way he knew how. Don't let his actions affect your feelings about your father. You know your father best. Go with what you know.
2007-01-18 17:35:45 · answer #7 · answered by Haveitlookedat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are cruel. And if you just understand that he doesn't matter anyway ( the person saying horrible things). You can greave and go on Just remember that person will meet his maker some day and it will be remembered what his actions were. Don't fret over someone like that just take care of you and your mothers feelings right now. My Sympathy and may God Bless You and Yours.
2007-01-18 18:04:40 · answer #8 · answered by H. D. Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"When this you see
remember me,
and bear me in your mind.
Let others say
what they may
speak of me as you find"
That was on a Rolling Stones album after Brian Jones died.
It doesn't matter what he said or why.He could have been overcome with grief himself.
I wouldn't dwell on it.
Remember your Dad the way you want to, speak of him often and keep his memory alive.
Sorry for your loss.
2007-01-18 17:32:54 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that:
a)this guy is hurting inside or
b)nurturing some deep grudge or
c)this guy is just wacko.
If you see him again please do walk up to him and say one of the following depending on which of the above you think is true:
a)"Dude, consult a good psychologist" or
b)"Dude, get help" or
c)"Sh** on you"
2007-01-18 17:26:29 · answer #10 · answered by Sweetgirl93 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋