My boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me, w/ this old hag he works with. we're back together...?

Question

but I can't seem to move on... He still works beside her every day... He thinks I should be Ok with that fact, and believe him when he says she meant nothing to him, and they are over for ever... I need help... any advise??? Please...

We have 1 child together... He started his affair three weeks before I gave birth to his daughter... and 2 weeks after he asked me to marry him... Should I forget him and move on ???

Answer 1

Be honest with him. You've lost trust in your relationship and it doesn't help that he still works with this woman. Tell him if he's serious about making your relationship work he needs to transfer to another department if that's possible. If not, ask him to please look for another job.

Relationships HAVE TO have trust, honesty, respect, love, and communication. If you're missing these, you'll only continue to have problems. Evaluate the realtionship and do what's right for you and your daughter. You deserve to be happy.

Answer 2

I know it will be tempting to stay with him since you two have so much history and a child, but I warn you that if he had so little respect for you to cheat on you after you carried his baby for 9 months and went through all the suffering of delivery that he doesn't respect you at all. And you cannot love what you do not respect. He should have been taking care of you and loving and adoring you, not some nasty woman at work...then he asked you to marry him and did it? I mean that shows his heart and soul was not really into what marriage or wanting to be with someone truly is. Furthermore, he wants you to be "OK" with him being by her, because he is the guilty one, he didn't feel the pain, and what makes you think he won't do it again? Either with her or someone else....once a dog, always one, and if you stay with him, what happens when he catches something and gives it to you? There is no respect or love in what he has done, you need to forget him and move on, no matter how hard, see him for what he is, and what you could be without him, and you will soon realize that he isn't worth the time...I wish you the best of luck...truly.

Answer 3

You can't harp on this issue forever. Remember, YOU are the one who accepted him back into your life therefore it is YOUR responsibility to get over the anguish and pain that he has caused you. I know it sounds harsh and I know that it's probably not what you want to hear, but it's true. You had two choices, and the choice you made was one that requires a strong mental state and forgiving heart. Yes, he messed up and he messed up BIG, but because you've taken him back you have given him the signal that all is forgiven (although not forgotten). The bottom line is that no one wants to lives in a guilt trip and if you cannot rise above his betrayal then this is not a relationship that you or he will want to be in.

Good luck and best wishes to you and your child.

Answer 4

If he is still working there with her he will do it again. The temptation will be in front of him all day and he will give in. Men are weak and think with the wrong head. Trust me I was there. I cheated with a co-worker(just kissing and touching) confessed, stopped it with the woman. Then a month later it started again and ending up sleeping with her numberous times. I told my wife everything before she found out. I then ended it with the woman and quit my job. After I quit my wife was able to forgive me and we are now closer, stronger and more in love than ever. It was a huge mistake and I wish it never would have happened, but I thank god my wife was able to forgive me and we could move past it. She will never forget it but at least she forgave me and we are happy as ever now.

Answer 5

Sounds like you must really love him to take him back in the first place. If he really loved you, do you think he would of cheated on you in the first place? So new baby, engagement and an affair to top it off, Nice. There must be something very special about the guy if you are willing to take him back and even be willing to work through this after all he has done to you. It must be a very special kind of love.

Answer 6

You say you can't seem to move on... of course you can't, with him working with this woman on a daily basis. It's hard enough to forgive an affair when the person has broken it off and has no contact with the other woman. But as long as he's seeing her daily (even if it's not by choice) then I understand you not being able to let go. If you love him and want to stay with him (I hope so, for your daughter), then he needs to start looking for another job. If he's not willing to do that, he's not willing to work hard enough to save your relationship.

Answer 7

Not only did he cheat on your but now is so insensitive to expect you to deal with them still working together. Girl if this is how it is before you get married what do you think it will be like in 5-10 yrs ?? He sounds like quite the jerk to me. Why would you still stay with him and walk down the isle ? You can take care of your kid alone. Staying with him means nothing but paranoia and worry the rest of your life. Nothing is worth that.

Answer 8

Eight years and still not married to him. That in itself says a lot about the relationship. He's the one that can't seem to move his feet. And then he cheats on you right before you give birth to his child. To me that is a deal breaker and I'd get out and forget him.

Answer 9

You need to: 1. Get married!!! - what kind of example are you showing your children?!?!?!?!?! If your man is too much chump, you should seriously think about putting the children up for adoption (especially if you are under 25), and going to live with your parents. If you REALLY believe you can raise the kids with the help of your parents, try that; but the kids MUST have a male and a female role model. Don't start dating anyone else until the youngest child is 18. Everything you do now must be for those kids. YOU SACRIFICED YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAD THOSE CHILDREN. YOU MUST LIVE ONLY FOR THEM NOW. THEY MUST BE RAISED CORRECTLY.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, it sounds like an un-fixable situation, unless you're better than the rest of us and have little or no issues with lingering jealousy and bitterness. Having a child together does throw a wrench into the gears. I think if you've really decided to stay with him you have every right to demand he changes jobs. It's the least he can do for you.