I was molested as a child by my biolgical father.?

Question

When I was younger my Biological fater molested me until I was about almost 8, I finally told my mom one day and she protected me. My parents had been divorced for a long time before I told her. He never went to Jail and still denies that he ever did this. The thing is I told my last boyfirend about it and when I told him he got really quiet and we didn't talk about it. maybe 2 weeks after I told him he brook up with me, so should I tell my next boyfriend or should I not tell the person I am seeing until I get Married, but then I'm not completley being honest to him, I'm not lying but then I'm not completley telling him everthing about me either. I also don't see or speak to my Biological father, I call him lots of names non of them are my father. So can anyone help.

I am 21 now this was a really long time ago, he can't go to jail because there was not evidance it was mine word against his. Most girls look up to their fathers and I would have had to test fy in court with him in there. They didn't think I could be a crediable witness. I have had councling, the reson why I told him is most of my family knows about it, & I started having dreams about what happen to be when I was younger so I needed to tell him, Incase I woke screaming one night. I'm not ashamed of what happen this is something that happen to me it dosen't not identy me. I do have anger issues, that's because he constenley telling people he didn't do this. I am still involved with his famil, grandma, and aunt just not him.

Answer 1

I'm old fashioned guy and think there are a couple of things you need to think about. First, counseling for the abuse, you were a victim that has made you who you are. So talking this through will help you feel at ease with this situation and future relationships with men. Second, the boyfriends have a wide range of internal reactions that mostly they don't want to share with you (being violent against your dad to overwhelming pity) Lastly, having said that you should tell someone that cares about you, your story at a proper moment of truth and appropriate trust. I think most guys are afraid of what that has done to you and what they may not be able to do to help you. With therapy you wil be able to move on and work through this.

Answer 2

I was molested too and have told just about everybody. It is not a question of who you should tell or when but if you trust the person you are telling. Some people do not know how to handle being told personel or painful things about others. Do not hold in your feelings and you do not have to keep it a secret you did nothing wrong. I am reading a book right now on child sexual abuse and i think it is helping it is called the courage to heal. Try it it will help alot and help you deal with situations just like this.

Answer 3

First off, I have to say that I'm sorry for you. I'm sure you get this all the time, but I truly am. Of course, I'm not going to tell you that I know how it feels to have that happen to me because I don't.
I am however familiar with physical abuse. Now, the answer to your question: I feel that if you really love this next boyfriend (whoever he is) and if the issue of you and your father not being close should come up, tell him. Maybe your last boyfriend didn't know how to deal with this sort of thing and got scared. Which is very immature on his part. Please don't give up on love and think this is how all guys are. Also, if your serious about him and plan on sharing your life with him, make sure you know his family. Not just meeting them, but knowing who they are and everything that happened in the family (good or bad) no matter how much you love him. not just for you, but possibly for your future children as well. Finally, I wish you the best of luck in everything you do in your life. I am a firm believer in karma. Your Father's got whatever God has coming to him. If you haven't got justice yet, you will soon
much love
-Katie <3

Answer 4

It depends.
Most men,I'm talking grown men, 18+ will be willing to listen, and give you a shoulder to cry on, or a hand to punch, when your upset or angry. I know how you feel, as I've been touched like that, but it was never my Dad, I couldn't imagine how you would feel,since I have a wonderful relationship with my Dad.
If you drop subtle hints about it around him, like talking about child molesters in the news, or something along those lines, and he reacts in a way you think would be alright if you told him about you, then tell him little by little. Dropping every single detail, unless he asks you to divuldge it all, will most likely cause him to get a overwhelming amount of emotions, as you are his girl, and this happened before he was ever able to protect you. Good luck with this situation, I hold you in my thoughts through your hard times.
Hopefully he's understanding about it.

Answer 5

You should ALWAYS tell when
you trust this person enough
the time is right,
he loves you
is supportive
listens and cares
is secure and strong, emotionally
is someone you are serious about being with, esp. intimately

Consider it a good thing, that he left.
He was not strong enough to care for you, so you avoided heartache of other kinds.
You should always tell, but tactfully, discreetly, mayeb slowly....
DOnt just dump it all and try not to be a wreck.

Are you over it? Are you healthy now?
Show your best traits, show your strength, show how it has made you a better person, and what you are today.
A good man will only love and admire you more, for your strength to endure what you did, and turn into what uyou are no.
He will consider you a diamond from the rough...
So yes, always tell.
And then you will know, when he really loves you or not. :)

Answer 6

I myself was molested by my " father" and I never told any one that I was dating in High School. Then I got with my ex, and when I told him he would call me all kinds of names. He couldn't handle it. I never talked to my "father" after he went to jail and still don't. But like I said my EX couldn't handle it. Now I'm with someone else and he knows. We aren't married. I just feel like maybe if you know or think that you know that the relationship is going to be going somewhere then yes you should tell them before you get married. Some men might think different of you if they don't know everything and then one day you say something about it. They might lose it. Then they might think that you aren't telling everything. So, be open but only open to the ones that you think you should. Be yourself. It's not your fault that it happened and a really man will understand.

Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear that that happened to you. My sister was raped by a cousin when she was 8 years old. I do not know how long it went on. We didn't find out until she got divorced. She is now 41. I think you should let your boyfriend know. If he really & truely cares about you, he will stay no matter what. None of it is your fault. If you tell the next boyfriend & he leaves...oh well, his loss. Wish you the best.

Answer 8

First of all your bio "so called" father can still go to jail, and as for telling any pontential boyfriends, wait a while until you feel its the right time. Many guys cannot process this crime against you well (mentally), and its not your fault, I can't speak for him as to why he left you, but if you were my girlfriend and you confided in me, my first reaction would be to go after your father (but, that is just the protective side of me) for what he did, and he still needs to be punished. But wait a while, and when the time is right you can tell him, and if you choose to keep it to yourself, then you can. I wish you the best, and I am glad your mother sided with you (many don't or are in denile). Take care and God Bless.

Answer 9

Have you had any counseling? I think that is where you need to start.. I think you are telling your boyfriends as a release and you really need to get some counsling.. If you are involved with a church you can start there or seek counseling through Family and Childrens. I wish you the best of luck.. Until you get some counseling I think it would be wise not to divulge this information with any more boyfriends. It is too much for them

Answer 10

I wouldn't tell anyone unless they were really close to you like a best friend that's a girl or something. It's better just to wait until you are married to talk about that. That's not "who" you are that was something that was "done" to you. Don't let it define you because you are above it. Most of the time if you tell a guy he could get scared or break up with you like your last bf or feel sorry and pity you. did you ever get counseling??