Is it love or is it pity?

Question

After breaking uo with my ex-fiance I think I did him wrong although I know I didn't and other people tell me so too.But everytime I talk to him it just break my heart to hear him cry and be sad.I hate to get off the phone with him knowing that he's relly hurt but despite it all I still don't want to get back with him because everytime I think about that relationship I only think about the way we use to argue and how depress I would be after we argue.Sometimes I'd wake up in the morning and not go to school and stay in bed the whole day.I would break up with him for a day or two abd go right back at it or take him back the minute he asks but I finally made my final decision and feel guilty just for the fact that I don't really feel moved by his words and although his crying is not enough to make me go back I still feel guilty at times but I don't even feel the same way.I wonder sometimes how can I get back with him if not sure of my feelings for him anymore.

Answer 1

Probably pity. Just move on. Tell him to go his way and you go your way. If he makes you feel like crap, there is no need to be with him.

Answer 2

Sounds like you answered your own question. If you are constantly fighting and arguing and feeling guilty about things that you shouldn't, then you made the best choice in breaking up with your boyfriend. Believe me, I'm 53 and I know what I'm talking about. There are plenty of fish in the sea as they say. Sounds as though your friends have seen the light about your relationship with him also. Please don't let depression get the best of you. I lost a son 7 years ago and sometimes it sneaks up on me. It's not a healthy way to live. You must move on and be strong and let God guide you. I would suggest that your boyfriend seek some guidance himself if he is constantly crying. Crying can be good, but too much of it is self destructive. And by no means - go back with him unless you are 100% absolutely sure that the situation between the two of you will change. (Hint: Nobody can be 100% but you.)

Answer 3

pity. I don't even feel good when you think about him. Thinking of the relationship and all the arguing upsets you. Don't put yourself through that. You did yourself a favor by letting him go. And him a favor so he hopefully won't obsess over you anymore. You seem like a compassionate person, but don't confuse that with love. It's fine to have pity or feel sorry for someone. But don't let it cripple you from making the choices you need to make for your own good. I would change my number if he doesn't leave you alone. Be a little stern with him to make him know that you are done. Quit calling him.

Answer 4

i dont really understand your question, but if its the guilt thing, u r not guily, look, i have been there before, and one thing i know is that sometimes we can cause hurt to someone but this doesnt mean that we r guilty, cus there is no point of going on with him , if u too cant c eye to eye, or u r having such hesitating emotions, cus if u went on, u would be like building a tower on water, sooner or later u may have to break up, and then u would be really guilty cus u let it go that far, and cus him such greater pain, when u had the chance to make it go thr ight way from the begining,
the point with love is that something is gotta give, so its your game, if u r sure u dont love him, then stay like that
if u love him, and u 2 can get over the problems u have, cus every couple has there own problems, if u can deal with it then stay together

Answer 5

If you don't honestly love him, then don't try and get back with him. What happens if you feel the same down the road and you end it again? That will hurt him even more. You should just be friends until you decide exactly what you want. I know he's hurt but if you decide that you still want to be away from him he will eventually understand and see that there was a reason for you doing this he may be able to find somebody else that he loves as well as you finding the right guy.

Answer 6

Well I suggest that you don't go back into the relationship, because if all you guys did was argue then its not worth it at all. Yes when you talk on the phone you feel sad for him but not have any feeling tours him then don't worry about it. The only thing i can suggest is if you still want to be friends then let him know but also tell him that things aren't going to change between you too because how you feel its what counts.

Answer 7

If you do not love him do not get back with him. Tell him you care for him as a friend but that you can not talk to him because you need some time to get over it. Listen to what your instinct tells you it is never wrong. If you needed out of the relationship you made the right choice. wouldn't you rather end it now then be divorced later with 2 or 3 kids?

Answer 8

It's pity for sure.

If your relationship cannot survive an argument, then being married to him would not be an improvement.

Love is a decision; a choice. It's not feel good today then feel bad tomorrow. Go read the traditional marriage vows and see if you can commit to them. If you cannot, then don't feel sorry for the guy and definitely don't marry him. It's not worth the drama.

Answer 9

You feel bad because you love and care about him, however, you love your family members but you aren't in love with them. It's okay to feel sorry and sad for him. But you need to give yourself some distance from him. It was a bad relationship and you shouldn't go back just because you have pity for him and don't want him to be sad. Him not being sad will just turn into you being unhappy in the relationship. Move on Hun.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

He made you depressed when you were together, and now that you're apart, he is still dragging you down. What do you have - a martyr complex or something? Cut off contact with him already. There is absolutely no need for you to listen to him crying over the phone. If you stop enabling him to be a "victim", he will get over himself and stop acting like one.