need help identifiying child sexual abuse?

Question

My husband and I are seperated. He keeps our 5 children on the weekends while I work. Our 4 year old was displaying some very unmistakable sexual movements. When I asked what he was doing he replied " I want to make it big like daddy" pointing at his penis. I was shocked! He then said, "daddy does it likes this, then he pees and it puffs back down". I could see the innocence on my son's face. I questioned my 2 oldest boys and they basically stated the same thing, demonstrating masterbation hand gestures they have seen their dad do. I want to know is this a form of sexual abuse? I have never had sex in front of my kids and certainly not masterbated. I haven't talked to the father yet, but I need to know what would you do or what steps I should take. i am too upset to think clearly now. please help!!!!

Answer 1

If the kids have seen him masturbate then he has really crossed the line. I would determine if the kids accidentally saw this or if he is intentionally doing it in front of them (ask the kids not him). If he is doing it intentionally I would stop visitation and contact the authorities right away. If it was accidental tell him to learn to lock the door. Good luck.

Answer 2

One thing to keep in mind is to stay calm and try not to overreact, as there may be a good explanation for this. Perhaps your husband is trying not to have any sexual partners while you are separated, but still needs his sexual release, and is doing this through masturbation and doesn't realized he is being watched. Hopefully this is the case, and I wouldn't consider this abuse. Just poor judgement on where/when to take care of himself. Kids can be curious about this, and may be watching him out of fascination. Have you asked whether or not their father is aware of them watching? Does he perform these acts in front of them? If so, then this is not appropriate behavior, and he would need therapy to help him with that. If he doesn't touch them or make them touch him, I believe this might be considered lewd conduct with a minor, or something similar. Otherwise, if contact is being made it could be a range of things, which would be considered abuse. Contact your local child welfare office for more information and support.

Answer 3

Before you assume any thing is wrong, talk to him. He may have been masturbating in what he thought was privacy and they were peeking, like kids will do.

It could be that simple. Also, many men adjust it a few times or pull on it when peeing in the morning and they could describe it that way. My husband does this a few times before he pees. When I was dating I saw other men kinda do that too. I do not know if your oldest boys are old enough to know the difference, but it sounds like not. So ask him first. Do so calmly and without an accusitory tone and carefully watch his actions, etc as he answers. You know this man so you should know if his actions vvary from his normal pattern and have a clue if he is being truthful or not.

Also remember daddy's naturally already bigger, just being grown and especially if they are seeing him pee in the morning, when erection is common and normal. If they are in there when he is getting around in the morning this could really be the case.

Do not call CPS because there is just not enough info or detail to know if he was just pulling it before peeing, and they did say peeing.

A lot on here are jumping to conclusions and over-reacting, there's just not enough info.

Answer 4

I would think that if your children accidentally saw your husband masturbating that he would have come to you and explained what had happened even though it would have been embarrassing for him that would have been the responsible thing to do.

Although I would not jump to conclusions, I WOULD contact the pediatrician or maybe another adult male that they trust...they may be too embarrassed to tell mom. If there is an uncle or grandfather on YOUR side of the family maybe try to have them engage your children in a conversation about what transpired.

Whatever the case you do not wait on the subject and gently explain to your children that their penis and testicles. ( proper terminology is important especially if you need to take this further, say to the police or in court) are parts of their body and in PRIVATE it is okay to touch themselves (even at four curiosity is NORMAL and common) but not in public and no one else should be showing or touching their penis to them it is inappropriate.

Also explain they can ALWAYS come to you and they will not get in trouble. When you have gathered enough credible evidence, confront your husband AWAY from your children and possibly in the presence of whatever male figure they have confided in or possibly just another adult family member. Unless the findings warrant a more authoritative response, such as police or DSS I would try talking to him first your primary job is too protect your children which is what you are trying to do.

If he is guilty his first reaction is going to be extreme anger and you need to make sure that you are prepared and safe depending on his personality type (violence, abuse)
Good Luck

Answer 5

This is definitely a nasty behavior,disgusting and irresponsible. Yet , before proceeding with the legal action - which i admit is a kind of dilemma- make sure that you are really ready to get your kids to testify against their father in the court of law, or moreover get him imprisoned upon their testimony if the felony has been legalized. I think first you need to confront the father , get a friend or family member involved, get a legal advice as what is the extent of the situation, make an ultimatum to the father , or even restrict his privileges with the kids and - in my opinion leave a more radical action for a last resort

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to have a talk with your x. Yes that is a form of abuse. He should not be doing that in front of the kids or any kids in that matter. Hopefully that is all that has happened. You may want to question your children a little more on the subject gently and explain to them that you are there to help them and love them and they are in no way in trouble. Good luck and definitely get to the bottom of this.

Answer 7

I would not talk to the father about this. If there is abuse and then you let them go back again he can punish them for it. I'd call CPS because this really does sound like sexual abuse. If you think the man is abusing your children why even consider sending them back? Even if he's "just" masterbating in front of the kids it's VERY VERY WRONG. Get hlep now. I think you need it.

Answer 8

first off, r the kids sleeping in the same room as daddy? if they are than yes i would consider it sexual abuse to be masturbating in front of kids. if they are in separate rooms, and he is going in there, then yes. the only way it could be non-sexual, is lets say the kids are spying? if, he is showing them, u need 2 keep ur kids away

Answer 9

Any self respecting Father would not behave like this in front of his children.Even if it was'nt intentional he should have been more careful.If it was deliberate he has to be confronted over his behaviour.He has damaged your children by subjecting them to this display.I would go to a doctor with the children and ask for guidance,they will contact the appropriate authorities who will take action within this situation.

Answer 10

Yep, in my opinion I believe he demonstrated and explained it in front of them your child's statement's "I want to make it big like daddy" and "daddy does it likes this, then he pees and it puffs back down" prove it. Yes this is sexual abuse please get your children counseling to prevent any more damage to there minds and have a cop talk to your sicko ex.