Hypothetical question: Your 21 year old son lives at home with you and your husband?

Question

You are a Christian and you are very devout. Your husband is not and your son is rebellious in his faith. He starts bringing home his girlfriends and having sex with them in his bedroom. You know this because their noises are disgusting and you can hear them from other rooms. You tell him he must not do this. You say he may bring his girlfriends home and sit in the living room and watch t.v. or visit or something but this type of behaviour is not o.k. in your house and if he insists he must go somewhere else. He says too bad I am doing it anyway. Your husband supports your son. What would you do?

Answer 1

Haha, it'd be weird to have a son older than me. :O

But seriously, if I were his parents, I'd tell him that while he's living under my roof, he's living under my rules, and if he has a problem with them, then he can get out.

If he said "too bad, I am doing it anyway".. I'd pretty much tell him that unless he changes his mind, he can go get his things and leave. If my husband supported him, I'd tell him to go to a mental institution and ask him how he could possibly not understand the issue at hand.

If I decided against kicking them out, I'd follow him and his girlfriend everywhere in the house so that they wouldn't have the option for any alone time, and make sure that they're not in your house together while you're not home.

Answer 2

Concerned yes, but the level depends on lot of factors. She going to school, but she's been at community college for 3 years. She should be about to graduate- and she's late at that. Talk to her. Ask her what her future plans are. She should be finishing community college within the next semester or so and then what does she plan to do? Does the she plan to transfer to a 4 year university, or get a full time job. Since she's still going, I assume she hasn't been a full time student. Is she working and saving money towards getting her own place. If it comes down to it, give her a deadline- or make her start paying rent. She helps with cleaning and cooking, but I have a feeling you are still making it pretty easy for her to stay at home. Make it harder. She needs to be doing all her own laundry, cooking for the family 2-3 times a week all alone) and paying rent. She should also have a curfew- yes a curfew. I know she is 21, but she is living under your roof. If you allow her to party and sleep in all the time- she will and has no motivation to move out. But seriously- talk to her and find out what her plans are. There is nothing wrong with living at home at 21 as long as she is working towards moving out and moving forward with her life.

Answer 3

tough question. The difficulty comes with the fact that your husband supports your son. The only thing you can do is try to convince your husband that this situation is not Good for any one involved. If I were you I would not try to convince him of the wrongness of the situation because lost people can not see the wrong. I think you should try to explain to your husband that it makes you uncomfortable. One thing that is very easy to do is to try and change the behaviour and not the person. This was the fault Jesus had with the Pharisees; you end up making them like white washed tombes, But at the same time you can not condone it. When you talk to your son try to win him to Christ and not harp on his sin he knows he is a sinner.

Answer 4

Kick the kid out and tell the husband he can go right along with him if he wants. The kid is over 18 and you are not legally obligated to provide for him. Tell him to get an apartment, pay for his own stuff and then he can do whatever he wants. As to the husband, you better have a long talk with him and if he protests then tell him and the kid to move in to an apartment together. After a few weeks of no food, and an unclean bathroom, he'll be back on his hands and knees.

Answer 5

Take your husband aside and tell him that this is not acceptable to you and you expect him to back you up. If you son is 21 yrs old, it is time to leave the nest. Give some time to get out and start his own life somewhere else. If all this fall apart and no one listens to you talk to your pastor. If worse comes to worse and no one listens to you, then you have done all your can. When they are in the bed go into the next room and give one loud bang on the wall and yell quiet. Or play a loud CD of Bagpipes, you know, set the mood.

Answer 6

Tell him it's time to get a job and his own apartment.

It has nothing to do with being a Christian or not, and just because the hypothetical husband isn't Christian, I highly doubt he would support the behavior that is disrespectful to his mother's wishes and their home. I'm a Wiccan and if I had a 21 year old who lived in the house, wasn't being respectful enough to keep the noise level down, and didn't respect my wishes, I'd say, "Okay then, if you're not going to live by my rules, you're not going to live in my house."

Having noisy sex in your parents' house is disrespectful no matter what your religion.

)O(

Answer 7

Wow! That is defiant.

1) Go to your church and ask your pastor. Possibly have some men from the church come over for a while and hold a family bible study.

2) Knock on the door while the noises are happening. Be loud.

3) Call the girl's parents. Invite them over, and get to know them.

4) Start planning the wedding with the girl.

5) Schedule nightly prayer meetings with the ladies at your church in your house. Be bold and loud and direct. Ask God openly if He would stop your son from behaving this way.

You must be bold. Sin is serious and leads to death. But I would seriously get your pastor's thoughts, and pray. And have others pray for you and him.

Answer 8

Unfortunetly - It looks like you married a man who not only isnt of the same faith as you (which for reasons in your question, you should have). If your husband is not going to support your decision to ask your son to abstain while he is in your house, then there isnt much you can do. You would need the support of your husband to kick out your son, or to enforce that kind of rule.

As a Christian, you are called to be a light, a good example and not to judge. It may make you uncomfortable, and it may not be right, but your son has to make that choice for himself. Your son is an adult now, and while he SHOULD respect you and your wishes, he is obviously NOT.

I think you should back down, relax, pray for your son and your husband... and continue to be a good example of what a Christian should be. (A loving mother and wife... A Proverbs 31 woman).

Answer 9

Uh, it's not okay for anyone living in your house to go against your wishes. It's YOUR house. If you son wants to do things that YOU have prohibited, then he needs to find a new home. It's time for him to get out anyway! Your husband should be more concerned with teaching your son to be a responsible adult.

Pack his things and kindly explain that he is now on his own. If he wants to be an adult and make his own decisions, he'll have to act like an adult and pay his own bills.

Answer 10

If it were my son....

He's been warned. When the next young 'lady' comes through the door, introduce yourself, and explain your rules to her. If she gets the same attitude that your son has, invite her to leave. If she chooses not to leave, tell her, "Let's get your parents on the phone, maybe they'll let you have sex in their house."

You may want to explain to your son one last time that this is unacceptable behavior, and that you WILL indeed take the above steps if need be.

Also, most others are right about your son moving. My 21 yr old son lives with me, and is free to come and go as he pleases. However, if he were to speak to me like yours has to you, I'd pack his clothes for him.

I saw my son's girlfriend's car parked outside one morning. I went to my son's door and knocked and asked him to come out. He did, and I asked him if where she was sleeping, he said on the floor. (?) I explained to him that I did not want this behaivor modeled in front of his younger brother and sister. If she was going to stay ever again, she would need to stay in the living room, on the couch, or in his sister's room, with her permission. I also told him if he choses not to listen, that I would have to talk to her (the girlfriend) about it, and if that didnt work, I'd talk to her parents. He said, "All right, all right mom, it wont happen again." and it hasnt. Also, my rule for mixed company in the bedroom is... the door stays open, if it's closed, that is an invitation for me to enter.

You say you are devout, and your husband is not. This really isnt about that, it is more about 2 parents disagreeing about rules and discipline. Both parents need to present a united front, and not discuss parenting issues in front of the 'child'. You need to ask your husband to support your decision, even though he disagrees with it.