My 3 yr old is out of control!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

My 3 alomst 4 yr old is completly out of control. Me and her father are at the end of our rope with her. She has absolutly no respect for us, authority figures or anyone for that matter. WE DID NOT RAISE HER TO ACT LIKE THIS!!!!! She literally does what she feel like doing. She climbs and jumps off of everything she can find, destorys her room within minutes of us cleaning it, yells screams and is very disrespectful. You tell her not to do something she does it anyways. Just vaccuming the family room has become a nightmare. She will run around like some crazy wild animal screaming yelling and jumping around while your doing it and on top of it will unplug the cord a million times. I about to go completly crazy. I cant even take her to the grocery store anymore she climbs out of the cart and will run around the store as fast as she can untill I can finally grab her and leave with no groceries. Friends & preschool are non existant because no one wants there kid around my

"terror". We DO discipline her. We've tried everything from time outs, taking thing away to even spanking NOTHING WORKS!!!!!!

I've talked to her doctor about it who does acknowledge that there IS a problem and that this isn't just a normal active child. He's working on a referal to a doc that can evaluate her but that takes time and we are about to go crazy here. If I take away toys or privalages she isn't bothered by it she just plays with her little brothers toys or finds stuff to get into. Trying to get some ideas for the time being from moms that have had difficult kids.

Answer 1

You said "We did not raise her to act like this" but the truth of the matter is: You DID.

She probably started this when she was younger, and you just let it go. It got a little worse and a little worse and now here you are at the end of your rope. Bad behavior needs to be nipped in the bud as soon as it happens otherwise it just keeps getting worse and worse.

What you need to do is to start teaching her right from wrong. Praise her for wonderful behavior, but if she acts up the hammer needs to come down.

If she's jumping on furniture, put her back on the floor and tell her "You do not jump on *my* furniture..do you hear me?" If she does it again, spank her. After you spank her, tell her "I told you to quit and you didn't listen."

If she's screaming, take her to her room. Tell her "If you're going to scream, you're going to stay in here until you're finished." Shut the door and walk away. After that, ignore her until she quits screaming. After she quits, go back in her room and ask her if she's finished screaming and tell her if she is then she can come out.

If she's unplugging the vaccum, stop what you're doing, stare her down, and tell her "Plug that back in, or you're getting a spanking." If she doesn't plug it back in, walk over and spank her. She'll learn to take you more seriously if you go through with your threats.

When you go to the grocery store, let her pick out a small treat as soon as you arrive. Maybe a sucker or a small bag of cookies. Tell her "If you act up while we're in here, you have to put the cookies back..do you hear me?" If she acts up while in the store, make her put the cookies back. If she can go the whole time without acting up, she can have her treat.

Answer 2

Key is how you say destroys her room within minutes of US cleaning it...Ha! @ 4 she is old enough to start taking on some responsibilities and picking up her room is a good one to start.
And if she doesn't pick up after herself...she's definitely old enough to understand when all her toys on the floor get boxed up and thrown away (put in the attic) My mother did that to me because I would shove all my toys under my bed...never happened again! Nothing goes under my bed, even as storage and I'm 37 years old now!...lol.
Also, maybe she needs some sort of creative learning stimulation such as art projects or an activity. At this age kids usually do well to know that they can be helpful to you in some way as well. Like at the grocery store. Clip coupons? take and glue several items (pictures) on a card and give her the list...she can keep an eye out for those items as you shop.

Answer 3

First take a deep breath and don't let her draw you into her mania. I am sure you are several feet taller, nearly 100 lbs heavier and able to out smart this child so do it. You can use the fact that you are like a giant to her attention then keep it by creatively motivating her. I am not a fan of spanking (except if I saw a child messing with the vaccume cleaner plug I might smack their hand away from it to keep them for getting shocked). Mind you that I would not just smack their hand but if I smacked it away I would also be saying no and then hold their hand as I explained how dangerous that is and that they are not to do it again.

So she runs around like a maniac screaming and yelling. Sounds like she needs to be taken to the park or to some place like gymboree to play hard and get it all out of her. Make sure she has a great time and then you can warn, when she acts up at home that she does not play like that in the house, only at gymboree or the park, and if she continues then you won't be able to take her tomorrow.

She is disrespectful. Do you practice what you preach? I was a short term nanny for 3 children that were being disrespectful to me at first and I corrected this by consistently correcting them to say please, thank you and to ask me things nicely and I knew they were watching me too when one day I asked one of them to please do something and I heard the little boy say to his sister "she said please." As for other things, just make sure what you are asking of her isn't beyond her abilities yet. She is just 3 or 4.

The grocery store... prepare her before you go. I always prepare children before I take them anywhere by explaining where we are going, what I expect of them and how I will reward them for good behaviour. Kids love those little 25 cent machines in stores. Tell her that if she is good the whole time she is in the store with you (explain what that means - riding in the cart, not throwing things, not whining or screaming) then she can choose anything she wants from the machine and that is a special treat just for her.

About her room: Just leave it a mess. Does it really matter? She too young to clean it herself yet. As long as you don't allow her to have food in there and it's just toys then what is the big deal. If you are concerned about stepping on them then put down rugs that lead from the door to her bed and tell her that no toys are allowed on the rug and then she doesn't have to clean her room.

Answer 4

There is an EXCELLENT book called "The Difficult Child" by Stanley Turecki and Leslie Tonner. It has all kinds of wonderful advice in there, addressing topics like bed time and meals and defiance, etc. I got it when my now-14-year-old (yes, she's still alive!) was about the same age as yours is now, and it was a life saver. I highly recommend that you read it and try some of the strategies they include that would best suit your life.

By the way, it turned out my little girl had/has autism. Not saying yours does or will, but that this book helped even though there was a biological basis for the behavior (i.e., she wasn't just being a "brat" for the fun of it) and this book helped me manage her behavior even though she couldn't (i.e., it wasn't that she would not behave, she literally could not). And, as I said, she is now 14 so even though there were times I wanted to strangle her she was acting so rotten, we have both lived through it and survived and you will, too, even though there are times it seems doubtful.

Hang in there, and good luck!

Answer 5

take her to a psychiatrist or go all three. Do not pick up everything after her for example she threw it she needs to pick it up. She has two hands too. I am hopeless with advice only good in the moment. Usually kids just need to be listened to. Do you have enough time for her? I have a friend who doesnt give his kid the time of day he needs the little boy goes around saying look at me look at me look at me about 20 times. I sat down with him and told him maxy I am not deaf, I heard you the first time. What do you want me to see? anyhow.

I wish you the best of good luck!!!!!!

Answer 6

pray for strenght so you can gain your backbone, have you
tried talking get on her level in her face and tell her she need
to doing, etc if they can see the control in your face and voice
and don,t give up or back down eventually if she see you are
serious and repetitious with it she will know you mean business
my daughter is 3 and I stay on her because the first time
they see you soften up then you will have to gain that control
don,t be afraid she came out you so what if she say mean
things she will get over it and still love you and accept
because your her mother. don,t be their friend that is
the worse things she will have many friend be her
mother that,s what she need. don,t give up you can do
gain that control back it,s in you that why God made us
the mother and not the father,pray in the name of
Jesus for strenght and TAKE BACK YOUR ROLE!!

Answer 7

truth: You did raise your child this way! She wasn't born spoiled was she? You need to put your foot down. She wants you attention and acting out is the only way she knows how to get it! Start being the parent and REALLY punishing her and making her pay for her consequences!

Answer 8

The best advice I can give you is to take her to a child psychiatrist and ask him to help her. He is the expert and you want to do what is best for your daughter.