"A question for all my Interracial daters"?

Question

WHAT DO U FEEL WHEN PEOPLE MAKE COMMENTS TOWARD YOUR OTHER RACIAL PARTNER?

WHAT DO YOU DO TO NOT LET THEM GET TO YOU?

HOW DO YOU HANDEL BEING STARED AT CONSTANTLY BECAUSE OF YOUR INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP?

I AM A BLACK WOMAN WITH A "WHITE BOYFRIEND" I CONSTANTLY ASK MYSELF QUESTIONS THAT ARE ABOVE!!
SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA LEAVE HIM TO AVIOD ALL THE DRAMA WHAT SHOULD I DO? I LOVE HIM THATS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME WITH HIM!! HE THE GREATEST MAN I EVER BEEN WITH!!

Answer 1

Then just love him and ignore those people.

Answer 2

I am also a black woman with a white boyfriend.

Is the relationship a healthy one? Do you each learn from the other? Do you support each other? Can you talk to each other and discuss problems maturely and seek solutions?
If you can answer in the affirmative for these questions, then hon, I suggest you maintain a tight grip on 'the greatest man you have ever been with'. If he can support you rather than looking to you to be a second mommy and supporting HIM, HOLD ON TO HIM.

After that, it doesn't matter if he's black, white, grey, cyan, magenta or yellow.

You do feel hurt when the comments fly, especially from people who have no right and no business to be commenting (we've had heckling from a group of black Somali youths outside a bball court we walked past, and also had to run from a drunk black guy with a bottle who hurled abuse at us all the while on another occasion...nice). The hurt, for me, mostly comes from the fact that the observers in question are so shallow and ignorant and hostile (re: bottle) and haven't even bothered to analyse the situation or ask questions, preferring instead to rely on what they 'know' (very little). In short, a generalisation of interracial relationships with scarce regard to the particulars of the relationship in question.

When that happens you have to ask what's in your best interest. If someone has not taken the time to think and analyse the dynamics of YOUR relationship, they aren’t giving you the best advice for your relationship anyway. That’s not helpful, and not in your best interest. Ignore it, hurtful as it is, and remind yourself that you are a strong black woman.

I can honestly say that this relationship is the most fulfilling, albeit most challenging experience I have had. "All the drama" as you put it, is frustrating; it's caused me to have doubts about whether I was strong enough to handle the pressure. The best thing I did was to bring it up with my boyfriend, especially after the basketball court heckling incident. It made me realise I didn't have to be strong alone. Our relationship is two and a half years' strong and God willing, will continue to strengthen.

If you love him, don't leave him, not because of ‘all the drama’ in any case. He’s not the cause of the drama. Neither are you. Neither is your relationship. If he's ‘the greatest man you've ever been with’, stay with him. Why should you lose the greatest man ever because others have chips on their shoulders? It's nothing to do with them and everything to do with your happiness. Don't let them deny you that.

As for the stares, we have had quite a few come our way. However, we have also been stopped on the street a couple of times and congratulated, strange as that sounds, while we were just minding our own business and walking hand in hand. One person even proceeded to tell us about his Finnish wife (he's black) and commented that he loves to see interracial couples.

To summarise, if you are both good to each other and for each other, hold on tight. The idiots out there who comment are probably jealous anyway and have no right to jeopardise your happiness just so you can feel as miserable and at odds with all the world as they do.

If they are so-called friends trying to 'educate' you, ignore them. If they insist, ask them what their genuine problem is as they should be mature enough to see past the Crayola issue. Ask them if they would have the same antagonism towards the relationship if he were black like you.

If they are black guys coming up to you to chat you up (believe me, this can happen even in the presence of your white boyfriend....MAJOR disrespect), ask them if they have lost the keys to their brain and tell them they won't find them around you. Cherish what you've got.

Be blessed.

Answer 3

Honey in this crazy world you are lucky that you have found a great man and you are considering letting ignorant people control your life? Come on, at the end of your life do you want to have lived your life on your own terms or someone elses? Color is just that...a color, we are all the same on the inside. Focus on the great love that you have and ignore people, though I know it is hard because I have been there. Focus on the joy this man brings you!!! Good luck!!!

Answer 4

It USED to be an issue at one point in time, but after a while (and for me that was a few months) the stares and the comments don't even phase you. I guess you just have to realize that ignorance is bliss and you can't educate all of the uneducated. If you love you BF as much as you say, those simple "rules" to live by should help you get past those idiots!! Good luck

Answer 5

first of all why all CAPS??

no need to yell your question, just ask it

It sounds like you are the one questioning your relationship....
especially if you are thinking of leaving him just to avoid the drama

Why are you with him? Do you have the same life goals?
Are you both willing to take the risks being in this relationship? i.e....... his family, your family, future children,

Sounds like you are not quite strong enough to handle the pressure or maybe you already know the answer and just need confirmation.

If you want to really be in this relationship, weigh all of the consequences and toughen up !

Answer 6

There is nothing you can do to stop the world of stupidity. If you love your BF then forget what others say, their expressions, etc. Its not easy but then how often do you find someone that loves you back?

Depending on the comment just state calmly that when you want their opinion you'll ask for it. You have to change your mindset not the world's.

Answer 7

I'm Italian. If I was dating someone outside my racial orientation... and somebody made a comment about it that wasn't appropriate, I'd stick my foot up their stupid @ss. Maybe the kick would send their brain from their @ss back up to their head.

As for the stares, ignore it. Again, ignorance. Not worth justifying.

If you're happy with your guy, screw the rest of the world. Don't let their damage ruin your happiness.

Answer 8

I think that you live in a wrong Place. I don't know where it is but it is bad. Here in New York City people dating with each other. Blacks with whites chines with Russians Italians with Greeks you name it. And guess what no body gives a ****. Everybody is to busy here to notice that. Plus if you LOVE him i don't see a problem. I think problem is you. I'm not trying to insult you. but you think to much about people who you think thinking about you. and that makes you scared and not comfortable. For get about other people you have your own life to live. Be happy for what you are and what you have.

Answer 9

Loving sees over,all negativeness and thats the only thing you need too look forward to.

Answer 10

i am mexican and i have a mixed son and i get all the looks and then some, just ignore people...if you love him that is all that matters...just hold your head up and keep going, if people know that it gets to you they will only make it worse...you will never please everyone and why would you want to?? as long as your happy, then its worth it....good luck