please give me some advice?

Question

my daughter is 2 1/2. she takes her clothes and diaper off when she goes to the bathroom. she knows how to completely operate a toilet. the usually tells me when she goes to the bathroom, etc....she's ready. but she refuses to go in the potty. its really starting to get to me. she just simply won't go to the potty. i have her sit on it every hour / hour in a half. i ask her if she needs to go potty frequently also. even if her potty is right next to her when she has to go she would rather pee all over herself then sit on it (she wears plastic panties).
can someone please give me some advice? i would greatly appreciate it!

Answer 1

Does she have one of the little training potties or are you trying to have her use the regular toilet? I found that my daughter (now 11, so it's been awhile) didn't like to use the toilet but did fine on a training potty (I think because her feet touched the floor still and since there's no water in them, she felt more secure).

Other than that... I dunno. Have you tried using various rewards? Sticker charts work well. She gets a sticker every time she goes potty IN the potty and for every 10 stickers she gets to do something special. Once she's doing it more, you can make it so she has to earn more stickers to get a reward... but you want the reward to be easily attainable at first.

Hope it helps. Good luck.

Answer 2

Reward system.

I hated to do it because I never wanted to resort to food rewards, but it totally works. Mine got 2 Smarties for a # 1 and something special for a #2 or 3 Smarties.

In hindsight: don’t use Smarties – the chocolate is really messy. Use gummy bears or jelly beans instead.

To get it started, wake her up in the morning before she’s with it and you’ll probably get her morning pee on the potty and then you can reinforce that with a reward.

It also helps if you use a child size potty. The adult toilet can be intimidating for little bums sometimes.

My son learned really good bladder control with the rewards system (the little bugger). He would pee, get his Smarties and then 5 minutes later pee again. He once did it 4 times in a row. That’s how you know when to stop the rewards system.

Answer 3

-Immulating other children can help. Is there another girl that can show her how it's done?
-Bribing/Rewards like m&ms, stickers, etc.
-Have her help pick out big girl underwear as motivation
-Potty books, dolls, videos
-Blue dye in the toilet (turn green with pee)
-Sink the cheerios technique (easier with boys)
-No bottoms weekends, protect the furniture and race hold her over a nearby potty when she starts to go. Make a HUGE to-do about it if you even get a drop in the bowl --- like she did it all by herself.

She's still young and its one of the few things she has total control over --- and you don't. Be patient. Have you ever seen a kid in grade school that wasn't potty trained?

Answer 4

Try to find the doll that pees on the potty and let her teach the doll. Dr. Phil swears by the peeing baby doll...

Answer 5

Handling Resistance to Toilet Training: Part Two of a Two-Part Series




Resistance to toilet training could mean:

Your child won't sit on the potty or toilet

Your two-year-old child is negative about toilet training

You begin to use force or punishment

Your child is over three years old and not day-time toilet trained

The approach described in Part One is not working after two months

Children who refuse to be toilet trained either wet themselves, soil themselves, or try to hold back their bowel movements. Many of these children also refuse to sit on the toilet or will use the toilet only if the parent brings up the subject and marches them into the bathroom. Any child who is over 2 ½ years old, healthy, and not toilet trained after several months of trying, can be assumed to be resistant to the process, rather than untrained. When helping your child with daytime wetting or soiling it is important to do the following:

Transfer all responsibility to your child. You child will decide to use the toilet only after he realizes that he has nothing left to resist. Tell your child that his body makes “pee” and “poop” every day and it belongs to him. Explain that his “poop” wants to go in the toilet and his job is to help the “poop” get out. Tell him that from now on he doesn’t need any help and stop all conversation about the subject.

Stop all reminders about using the toilet. Let you child decide when he needs to go to the bathroom. He should not be reminded to go nor asked if he needs to go. Reminders are a form of pressure, and pressure doesn’t work. He should not be made to sit on the toilet against his will because this will foster a negative attitude about the whole process. Don’t accompany your child to the bathroom and stand with him by the potty chair. He needs to get the feeling of success that comes from doing it on his own and then finding you to tell you what he did.

Give incentives for using the toilet. Make your child an offer he can’t refuse. If your child stays clean and dry, he needs plenty of positive feedback, such as praise, smiles, and hugs. He probably also needs an extra incentive, such as favorite sweets or video time or extra special play time with you.

Give stars for using the toilet. Get a calendar for your child and post it in a conspicuous location. Place a star on it every time he uses the toilet. Keep this record of progress until your child has gone two weeks without any accidents.

If your child has never sat on the toilet, try to change his attitude. First give him choices by asking if he wants to use the big toilet or the potty chair. If he chooses the potty chair be sure to keep it in the room he usually plays in. For wetting, the presence of the chair and the promise of treats will usually bring about a change in behavior. For soiling, your child may need a pleasant reminder once each day when he is clearly holding back. You can say “The poop is trying to get out and go to the toilet. The poop needs your help”.

Remind your child to change his clothes if he wets or soils himself. As soon as you notice that your child has wet or messy pants, ask him to clean himself up immediately. Assist him if necessary but the primary responsibility should be his.

Don’t punish or criticize your child for accidents. Respond gently to accidents, and do not allow siblings to tease the child. Do not put your child back into diapers unless he needs to be on laxatives. Pressure will only delay successful training.

If your child is meeting with frustration regarding bowel training, with leakage into the underwear occurring both during the day and during sleep, he is probably suffering from constipation. This can be difficult to diagnose without the aid of a physical examination by your pediatrician because the feces may be liquid or “sticky”. This is caused by the leakage around an impaction. If you suspect this, have your pediatrician conduct a physical examination and suggest treatment. This treatment usually involves an initial enema followed by regular use of laxatives.

Return to Tip Archive