We broke up a week ago and we still act like we together, but as real close friends, but anyways...I was on the phone telling him how I had nothing to live for and how depressed I was about my miscarraige from a year ago and abortion two years ago. He then offered to get me pregnant saying that he wants a little boy cause he already has a little girl who means the world to him. I told him no thank you, but now I'm reconsidering...should I take him up on his offer? he's really a great great guy and we get along well, just better as friends. And I want a baby now...
2007-01-18 05:34:13 · 30 answers · asked by Cathy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hell, if this is someone you can see yourself being physical with him and enjoy it then I would. :) It's your prerogative. I mean, it's a win win-you want a baby; he's a good fella, and you guys don't have bad blood so why not?
2007-01-18 05:46:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know you want a baby, but can you afford a baby? Are you going to continue working when the baby comes? If not, who is going to take care of you? If so, who's going to keep the kid? Don't rely on him or anyone else...you guys aren't married and aren't even in a relationship, so you can't count on that. Can you handle the emotional baggage of sleeping with your ex and carrying his child, knowing that there isn't love behind his actions? Or are you going to expect him to get back with you once the baby arrives or something? What if it isn't that little boy he wants? What if it's a girl, or multiples? And another thing....just because you can handle a BABY on your own....what about a teenager?
I'm not necessarily saying these things to discourage you, because if you weigh your options and you really are ready and able to raise a child on your own, then by all means, go for it. It's your life and only you can know what's right. I just hope you consider everything I've said (and much, much more) before you bring a person into the world. Having a baby you can't really take care of certainly wouldn't help your depression...and no baby should be used a psychiatric healing...it's a person, not a way out of your problems.
I hope you find a way to make this work for you, even if you do have to wait a while until you find a man you can stay with. Good luck!
2007-01-18 05:46:25 · answer #2 · answered by grayhare 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No..No..No. I would think that most of what you are feeling is the loneliness after the break up and the hope of being able to keep him in your life forever. Having a child is not the solution to depression or relationship issues. Many married people have tried to have a baby to "save" the marriage and found it did much more harm than good. The responsibilities that come with raising a child test even the strongest of relationships and people. My question would be...what is his relationship like with his little girl? Does he see her often? Is he an active and large part of her life? Also...don't you think your child deserves more than a part time daddy? If you want a child, wait until you are in better circumstances before you purposefully get pregnant. Having one right now would be for you, not because you can offer the child the best possible family situation.
2007-01-18 05:43:50 · answer #3 · answered by shirewyn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just wait hon, I know from my own life that an abortion and miscarriage can really make you want a baby more than anything but it doesnt sound like the time is right yet. Someone wonderfull will come into your life and it will all work out, you will have your baby, maybe more. It always happens when you least expect it. I'm sure you have something to live for but a baby isnt the answer to that part. I'm not saying youre life has to be perfect before a baby comes into it but you need to address your depression first. And when it comes down to having a partner to be a daddy, you want to know that he's going to be there for the both of you, not just come and go when he wants to. hang in there hon
2007-01-18 05:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a baby with someone you just consider as a friend. You are still depressed about miscarrying and that is making you want to try to have a baby. It also seems like you don't know what to do with this guy, you either like him as a close friend or you want to repair the relationship. Please think things through, is he really going to be around when your baby is born? When it first starts kindergarden? When it graduates from high school? And, most importantly, are YOU ready, emotionally, physically, financially? Take time to think all this out. Good Luck.
2007-01-18 05:42:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that would be a horrible idea. I would think you would want your child to have a chance to grow up in a home with 2 parents. What if he changes his mind. Are you even mentally stable enough to raise a child? 2 minutes ago you said you were depressed and had nothing to live for. Thats not exactly the reason for having a baby. You night wanna see a shrink or something first. The last thing we need is another unwanted uncared for child.
2007-01-18 05:38:45 · answer #6 · answered by nyckib 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it unless you are prepared to be a single mother. This guy sounds like a jerk and won't be around to help raise a child. You need to get yourself back on track. I had 2 miscarriages several years ago and it will take some time to heal. I think you also have unresolved issues about your abortion. Get yourself straightened out before you become a parent.
2007-01-18 06:39:12 · answer #7 · answered by DEENIE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, but that is a wrong way to go about it! Having kids take a lot of work, and they cost a lot meaning hospital bills! U do have something to live for! Everyone does. If he got u pregnant you might not even have a boy it could be a girl! Then what would u do! He might not even want this kid like he says he does but when the baby comes he could possibly change his mind and say no that's not my kid!!!
2007-01-18 05:39:32 · answer #8 · answered by Boo21 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to back away from this situation, and this person. Wait until you meet someone that you are in love with and want to marry before thinking about babies. In meantime, educate yourself, get a couple of degrees, travel, get a nice job, by some property, start going to church or a different church. You need to expand your horizons. The world is a really big place.
2007-01-18 05:47:53 · answer #9 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, no, no. He may be a wonderful person and have a child that he takes care of but don't do it. Wait until you find someone you love and your sure the child will have a dedicated father and husband to you. Too many children are growing up without male roll models (fathers) these days. I am sure your want of a child is strong but should you put what you want now ruin the life of a child. If you did not work as a couple what guarantee do you have that he will always be there for your child. Find a man worthy of being a father. Is this guy a full time dad to his child, probably not. Don't create another bastard. Please wait.
2007-01-18 05:46:12 · answer #10 · answered by paco 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're too emotional and too involved right now. Stick with your "no". Maybe much later, when you feel better about yourself, you can reconsider. Getting pregnant should be more than just a whim or a call for help.
See a doctor about your depression before you make any life altering (or creating) decisions.
2007-01-18 05:39:45 · answer #11 · answered by Jean Talon 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋