My son is 4, he may or may not be being bullied in his pre k, class, by a little girl in Senior K. I have a gut feeling he is.. and its bothering me, but what I want to know, is what can I do to help my son gain self esteem, and confidence in himself, and positively fight back.. I don't mean fight a girl, I mean stand up for himself. I want him to be stronger. My husband thinks I turned him into a wuss because I taught him that is o.k to cry, and then he cried in front of kids at school, and now my husband thinks our son is an easy target just because he cried. ?? I want him to be more confident, and be able to stand up for himself, but I still want him to be able to cry if he needs to. What are your opinions? comments and advice? Thanks.
2007-01-18 05:23:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
our society may dictate that its not ok for boy to cry, but its getting a lot better, and by the time my son is old enough to know what society is, then hopefully in his society, he can be who ever he wants to be, and he can show his emotions without being a "wuss"
2007-01-18 05:38:08 · update #1
If he's 4, of course it's ok to cry, especially if he's physically hurt. It's true, however, that the weakest are targets and are picked on. Think about the nerd everyone picked on in your elementary class...
Anyway, I've heard being good at something physical boosts overall confidence and 'self-esteem' especially for boys. Ride a bike, start him in Karate, wrestle TOUGH with his dad, etc.
Do role play. Does she take his crayons or toys? Teach him how to handle that situatione, then pretend you are her and get him to practice. Does she make fun of him verbally (classic female thing, huh!)? Role play that. Does she physically pick on him? Role play that. Don't concentrate on hurt feelings, but on correct action.
Let your husband get involved. We raise babies, but our men raise men. Trust him. He loves your son as much as you! But, he probably understands how he works a little better than you.
Good luck!
2007-01-18 05:33:57 · answer #1 · answered by Margie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your seem normal to teach your son to be polite and that is respectful of you to do just that.That is a trait that was passed down from your parents and so forth,but you also need to teach your son to defend is property as well as himself.In doing this,he not only is defending his personal property but by doing so he is teaching the other kid that he is wrong and that your little boy will not be pushed around. Reassure that defending himself is OK and that is what you'd like to see him do even if it means getting rough with the other kid and may result either one getting hurt a little bit.Teach him that defending himself is cool and being a bully is bad and wrong.Get the father in on discussions or at least a male role model that can help out.Tell your little man this,"You've got to stand for something,or you'll fall for anything."Sometimes being polite states a sign of weakness or fear even though it's the right thing to do,but being defensive and aggressive can actually be a good teaching tool as well if used properly. (there are those that will disagree of course)Teach him while he is young and give him time to learn.It will take time.Good luck!
2016-03-29 03:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your husband is right, you did make him an easy target by teaching him that it's ok to cry since society dictates these days that it is /not/ ok for a guy to cry, much less in public.
I would enroll him in a martial arts class of some sort like the other person who responded suggested. Martial arts will teach discipline, confidence, and it will train someone to (this part is debatable by the way) be able to defend themselves if necessary.
I don't put too much stock in martial arts for street fighting though since a lot of it is sport-oriented and isn't even designed for that; the arts that are usually fall short and do not include enough grappling. But for a 4-year-old to get rid of a bully, it's not like he's going to need martial arts for the purpose of actually using it anyway.
It doesn't go both ways though. You can either teach your son that it's ok to cry and show weakness to those who would exploit it or you can teach him that it's not ok to show weakness in front of people such as bullies (or publicly at all for that matter) and that he should stand up for himself.
2007-01-18 05:31:32 · answer #3 · answered by timster1984 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all he is 4, and teachers at this pre-school should be more involved in your decision as well. He is gonna face this for years to come and coping skills for bully's is a must for that age. Tell him not to be so upset by her because she is wrong for acting like that. Put that in words as you would normally talk to him so he will understand it. As well as teach him the safe avenue's to go, at 4 that's all you can do. Kids at 4 yrs do not notice the tears as if he was 7,10,13 or 21. They all cry. And yes he needs a backbone, and describe situations like role play with him have him be him and you be the bully and do for instances so he practices what ever values you would like him to have. I would question the teachers though.
2007-01-18 05:32:27 · answer #4 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
my son is 15 & he is afraid of NOTHING!!!! sometimes this can be a good thing & sometimes not.My husband started putting the **** in his head at a very young age(not to be afraid of anything/anyone)He has never been bullied but...now we are paying the price!!! Just yesterday we had to go to the police station to get my son,because some kids was making fun with his nickname"iceman" & he started going bezerk on the kids!so I would say,teach him to never back down but on the same token turn the other cheek.
2007-01-18 05:42:01 · answer #5 · answered by swt-bby-gl-69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know for sure. I know my dad used to beat the crap out of me all the time (for fun, it wasn't serious) and that toughened me up a lot.
Other than that, just teach the boy to do stuff on his own, don't help him with every little problem, let him fall down and get bullied a little. If you go rescuing him everytime he'll be a wuss for sure.
And make sure he knows it's ok to push back a little when he gets pushed.
2007-01-18 05:33:34 · answer #6 · answered by DudeMan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get your son involved in ATA Taekwando. It teaches self defense in a positive way. It also teaches self esteem and most importantly self discipline. I have a 9 year old daughter and a 7 year old son, both are working on their black belt. You can bet that when my daughter tells somebody "NO" and they don't respect her answer, she is well equipped to deal with it. As for my son (7) he knows how to control his temper and not to use his fists to solve problems. However, in the event somebody is trying to bully him or somebody else, he can handle it with a minimal amount of physical contact. I highly recommend your child taking class. BUT you must stick with it for it to be beneficial
2007-01-18 05:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by Shannon G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At his age, don't make a big deal of it. Just reinforce him in every way, compliment him. This will pass, believe me.
Now at age, say 9 or 10 my answer would be different. Ask me in 5 years, lol.
2007-01-18 05:33:35 · answer #8 · answered by americanmalearlington 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is only 4, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe teach him how to kill people with kindness
2007-01-18 05:31:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
put him in a martial art... they teach you how to be self assertive...
2007-01-18 05:26:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋