How did you cope going back to work full-time after being a SAHM for a year or more? Need suggestions! TIA?

Question

I've been a stay at home mom to my daughter since she was born. She's 13 months now & I've loved every minute with her. We spend so much time playing, go to gymboree, playgroups, etc. Now in lieu of a possible pending divorce I'm looking for a full-time job - and actually have an interview which I didn't expect to happen so soon. I'm already dreading the day I have to leave her and don't know how I'll cope & on top of it be functional and professional learning a new job. Any coping techniques?

Answer 1

find a good day-care center or get in phone book and look under Child Care Resource and Referral in the yellow pages. this is the local office that handles the in-home child care centers. the providers are state-certified and work out their home, and are usually much more affordable than a day-care center. i was paying 150 a week for full-time care. i like these centers because it's more intimate and my daughter was very comfortable there after a few days. it will be hard to leave your child, but knowing she is in a safe place while you are working will make it easier. arrange a play date at all the provider's homes in your area so your daughter and you can get to know the providers, whether it's a center or in-home, and see if they get along. go to the ones you like a few times, and at least once stop by during the day for a surprise visit to see if they are actually doing constructive activities or watching TV. when you interview, make sure the facility is fully child proof and safe for little ones. ask for an activity schedule and meal schedule. before you start working, ask the provider if you can leave your daughter there for a few hours without you to see how she handles it. she will probably be upset when you leave, but a good provider will find a way to calm her down and distract her. she will get used to being with someone else after a few days, maybe a week or so. when you say good-bye the first day you go to work, make it quick, a kiss and an 'i love you'. dragging it out will make it harder. i hope you do well and hope you find something that works for you!

Answer 2

I've never worked full time SINCE being a mother so I can't comment on combining that with parenthood. However, during my pregnancy right up until the end I worked a full time office job and two part time evening bar jobs, was doing over 70 hours a week even when heavily pregnant and, being a SAHM is harder work than all that!!! It drives me crazy when people think SAHM's must be lazy or never have anything to do, argh! I'm just beginning a home study degree and have to somehow find a way of combining that with being a SAHM and it's going to be tough to say the least! SAHM is probably the most underappreciated and underrecognized job out there.

Answer 3

Honey there is no coping! I was in the same boat and it is horrible!!! I cried so hard the first time I couldn't go in - my husband had to bring my son to daycare. The only help I can offer is that it is going to be HELL for a little while, but it WILL get better. As my doctor warned, "it is an adjustment period". You can't go into it thinking that it can just happen easily. It won't be easy - but it also won't last forever. Just prepare yourself by realizing that it is truly an adjustment for both of you, but you will both come out the other side OK. She will learn to like the socialization, the different toys, etc. It is not the best situation for a child, but they little humans and humans are very adaptable to almost anything. I can only tellyou that it will get better. My son used to come home from daycare like a crazed zombie - so overtired, so overstimulated. Within about 2 weeks he was OK. I am a teacher and I still cry after every vacation!!! Keep your chin up, recognize it will be hard, and just try to get through the first weeks knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Also - use a home daycare. They are way more attentive, loving, and home-y.

Answer 4

The playgroups/gymboree you've been attending is a great foundation for your girl to transition to a new social network like daycare. Thus far, has she integrated well with the new environments and people? -- it's a good indicator of how she will be in daycare. If possible, (and it's not always), a gradual integration to new environments will ease the transition such as starting part-time and moving to full-time childcare.

The plus side - you have spent 13 wonderful months with your daughter and got to witness those amazing firsts of first year --- not every mom gets this opportunity. Getting back in the workforce will stimulate you socially and mentally not to mention contribute to some financial independence for you and your girl. Start looking for childcare now (there are often waiting lists). My daycare, the Y, has been wonderful nurturing my son's learning and social skills. Yes, its hard at first to see them off (don't let them know that) but it's the highlight of my day is when he runs into my arms yelling "Mommy!" when I pick him up. Personally, I think I'm a better mom with daycare helping me along the way.

I hope it helps :)

PS. Lastly, never sneak off to leave even though it avoids tearful goodbyes as it will create anxiety anytime you leave the room since she can't predict when/if you will be back.

Answer 5

I went back to work at 11 months, and it was surprising how easy it was. For the first week, I used to try to leave early to pick her up and would call during the day to check up on her, but then I became confident that she would be okay. Search for a daycare that you have a really good feeling about, that will help a lot. You can also pick one that is close to work so you will have some time in the car together each day and can go by during lunch if you want to.
Once you start working, all your professional skills will come back in no time and you will enjoy using them.

Answer 6

Life's like that sometimes Suzanne. Don;t look at it as leaving her, but rather as being the breadwinner. Just as you provided food, love, and care all her life, now you have to work to continue to provide those things. No matter how you look at it, it's showing love and concern for her.

Good Luck

PS. Your greatest comfort will be in diligently searching out the best daycare situation for her. My son and dau-in-law searched long and hard, and were very much comforted that they found the "perfect" daycare. For ex, they receive DAILY written reports on both girls, and almost daily projects completed by the girls now that they are older.

Answer 7

If you can try and get a part time job at first so that you can make the transition easier. if not i would just set special time aside on the weekend for just you are her to do things together. you have to realize that by going to work you are doing something to better both of your lives and that she will love you for that. don't really look at it as leaving her. look at it as bettering your lives.

Answer 8

I stayed home for the first year of my son's life- he's now 7. When he was around your daughter's age( I also have a daughter 13 months as well right now 12/9/05) I had to go back to work. I started off part time on saturdays only for two months just so he could get used to me being out of the house. I would let my hubby watch him on those days. Then during the week I would check out different day care facilities. He loved bing around the other kids, and I was still there to watch him interact. When he was 15 months old, I bit the bullet and went to work full time. I was a retail manager of a $2.5 million dollar store so my work week was about 50 hours or more a week, but I found a company where my hours could be flexible. I could start as early as 5am and work as late as 11pm, so I had some flexibility with his needs. I choose a day care that he loved that had a liberal visitation policy and one way mirrors so I could stop in and see him without him seeing me.
My son loved day care, at that age they start getting interested in other children even more than just their mom. It was definately harder on me than on him to leave him in the mornings. The thing that made it easier was sticking to a routine everyday. He cried occassionally when I left him but he always stopped with in minutes of my departure. Even though it killed me to watch it tthrough those mirrors! I tried to bring him about 30 minutes before I really needed to, just so that I could spend some extra time with him if I needed to.

We switched daycares when he was 18 months old because he was no longer happy where he was. We ended up finding a preschool that catered to 18 months to 4 years old and was fantastic. I used to ask anyone I saw with happy looking kids if/where their kids went to preschool and what they liked about the place. That's how I found his day cares.

Once you go back to work and you are in a place where you are not surrounded by images of your child, you will get back into the swing of things. You'll also be amazed at how phsyically intense motherhood is, because its so much easier to work. People without kids would complain about their jobs, I never did- its another way of caring for your child's well being. They are being cared for by proffessionals and you still have all your off time to really concentrate on them, not just on teaching her or keeping her busy, but the things that the two of you love the most. We used our off time (being in retail it was usually weekdays) to explore our local zoo and aquarium at least once a week. My son also grew to love eating out in restaurants- which was great for me instead of cooking.

I am a SAHM again since March of 2005, when we learned I was pregnant, coinciding with a move to a less expensive area. I'm now at that time of considering a change back to now that my daughter is getting older.

Its a hard thing to have to do ,one of the hardest a parent ever has to do. If you take your time and research the companies you would like to work for you may find one that gives you the flexibility to find the childcare option that works for you. The best thing is to remember is that it will be harder on you than on her and that she will enjoy herself if you make it seem like fun- not something to dread.

Best of luck to you- I bet you'll be just fine!!!!

P.s. If you really want to know how a company is about flexible family time, check out Myspace groups and type in the company's name. There seems to be a group for every place out there where employees dish about their jobs. You could probably get the real scoop then!