I've been married for just over three years now. I have no kids but I would like to have a family in the future, I just have some things to settle first. Anyways, people in my family and some of my friends persistently keep asking me why I don't have kids and when I'm going to start, etc. One of my friends (who got married last year) is now pregnant and expecting her first. I told her that I have names planned for when I have kids and she asked me "So what's the problem? Why are you waiting?" And another time, my mom said that I shouldn't wait so long to have kids and I should have them now because al of our parents/in laws are waiting for grandchilidren, etc. Does this mean they are looking down on me because I have no kids? I've been married the longest out of my friends and I'm the only one with no kids, and I'm the youngest in my family and the only one with no kids.
2007-01-18 04:00:19 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I got married at a young age and it was difficult for me to cope due to personal problems I was having. This time around, I want to make sure I'm absolutely ready for the responsibility of a child and I don't think it's anyone's business as to what I went through during that time. Do my reasons for not having kids right now need to justified?
2007-01-18 04:01:48 · update #1
It could be they are looking down on you but it's all a matter of perspective.
They don't know all the facts
It isn't really any of their business.
So when/if they look down on you they're looking from the wrong point of view .
Which means that it is irrelevant whether they're looking down on you or not.
Good Luck.
2007-01-18 07:01:50 · answer #1 · answered by ghds 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd just smile sweetly and tell them you're getting your ducks all lined up before you start a family, and leave it at that. You don't owe anyone an explanation, even your parents or in-laws. I'm 48 and chose not to have children at all, so I can understand the frustration of people always asking, why, when, how come???? Now I'm at least past child bearing age, so the questions have ended, but every once in awhile someone will ask if I reget the decision. Everyone has to look out for their own best interests, and that's what you're doing.
2007-01-18 04:35:52 · answer #2 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pressure from others to have kids is the worst reason to have them. If they are looking down on you for not having kids they have some serious issues. Mostly anyone can have kids, but it is very difficult to raise them properly today. You have to be ready and in the right frame of mind to have them.
These people sound like they might even have regrets about having children so early. Misery loves company.
Don't have children until you are absolutely ready. If that time never comes, maybe it's not such a bad thing if you never have them.
It's truly better not have have children than to be a terrible parent
2007-01-18 04:11:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some people will be old fashioned enough to think it's horrible that you're not having kids right away, but that's not the worth of a woman, and you shouldn't let it get to you. I've personally decided that I'm not going to try to have my own kids, and when I start a family I want to adopt. My family has rolled their eyes at this, but I don't care; it's what I feel is right and what I'm comfortable with.
You should never have kids because other people want them. They can get a dog. A child is a human being, and it's absolutely best to for them to be brought into a stable and welcoming environment, whether that happens soon or later on.
2007-01-18 04:10:05 · answer #4 · answered by J. 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't mean they are looking down on you; it just means they don't know what decisions belong between you and your husband only. Do you MIND them being involved in your personal decisions like that? You need to trust yourself and your OWN power to make that very personal decision if you don't like them being that nosy. Don't be offended---I was just wondering, because I know what it feels like to have family and friends who pressure ME about personal things ( I have actually had to tell them to stop asking such personal questions---kindly).
There is no expected time frame to have kids if you want them You have to be in the right way financially and emotionally to handle it. There are plenty of people who do not have children though they have been married for a great length of time, so don't give into the pressure. Having kids is more than just fulfilling your parents' and inlaws' need for having grandchildren.
trust your own instincts as to the right time
good luck
2007-01-18 04:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by * 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The decision of if and when to have children is a very person decision. You and your spouse are doing what you feel is right for the both of you.
Your mom and friends are anxious for you to get going so they can "enjoy" the kids. They won't be at your home caring for them 24/7.
I don't think they are "looking down" at you, they just want you to "get with the program." Now, it's THEIR program they want you to follow, not yours.
I am not sure what to say to these people who keep asking you these questions. I know Dear Abby and Miss Manners have "pat" answers- meaning, they have answers that are short, sweet and to the point.
Mostly, it's something like this "This is a personal decision. I will have children when I am good and ready. For now, the discussion is closed."
Stand by your decision. You know what's best for you and your spouse.
2007-01-18 04:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by Lizzie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
when you decide to have children is your business. Even if you chose not to have children at all its your business. the only influence in your decision should come from your husband. and not your other relatives. It dosent matter if his family wants to have grandchildren, if they dont have any already then they shoulda had kids sooner or more of them. its not them that have to deal with the diapers, sleeples nights, formula or breastfeeding, toys, school... its you so only have children when you are ready and not because some tells you thats what your supposed to be doing, that that is the next step. so just let em talk and say well maybe one of these days, or well were considering it, or the truth, when im ready. And if they are looking down on you then they are being very pety!!
2007-01-18 04:14:54 · answer #7 · answered by RHONDA P 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can politely request that they mind their own business. When and if you start a family is entirely your decision. People have no right to force you into it. Explain that when you feel you are fully emotionally, and financially ready and in a comfortable place in life then you may consider it. Before that time you will be doing a disservice to yourself and the child by not being able to fully enjoy the experience.
2007-01-18 04:58:12 · answer #8 · answered by smedrik 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anybody. If you're not ready to start a family yet then why should you. Just tell them to mind their own business. Better to wait than bring a child into the world out of a sense of duty.
2007-01-18 04:35:17 · answer #9 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It means; Looking down the barrel of a gun. Which means that you're in a very bad position.
2016-03-29 03:10:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋