My bf & I have been together over a year now. He’s a lot younger than I am & we currently are living together. About two months ago his grandpa passed away, who he was very close too. Ever since there I have seen a lot of changes in him, he even admits he has changed & not for the better. But he isn’t sure its about his grandpa, but I think theres a connection. The timing is too close for there not to be, IMO. He use to care about his looks, now he barely showers (nice I know), he drinks more (3-4 times a week if he can), he says things like “I don’t care anymore about anything, even myself”. Plus he is moody & just with drawn.
But the hardest thing for me is, the fact he is being really different towards me. He says the change has nothing to do with me. But he feels like we should break up, more than we should stay together. And he doesn’t know why. He says something is gone. Yet he still loves me. He says it has nothing to with me, but if that was true..why would he want to leave?
2007-01-18 03:36:46 · 7 answers · asked by nkbapbt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He also says he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore, so he thinks breaking up once is better than hurting me over and over. But isn’t my choice to stay? If I can handle it, why cant he understand that?
Last night we almost broke up, he had his stuff packed. And he said leaving didn’t bother him. But he kept humming and hawing about leaving too. Then he finally did, but didn’t take his stuff. Then he came back & said he wanted to work it out. He said he couldn’t stand being away from me & he missed me. That he couldn’t sleep without me. Yet this morning when I asked about him coming back, he said again he didn’t know if it could work & he still wanted to break up more than stay together.
We have had our share of issues. I have been in a few bad relationships, one abusive & I have some issues from that. I have hurt him a lot in the past year & he stuck around. He says he doesn’t want to put me through what he went through with me. But Im willing to stick around.
2007-01-18 03:36:57 · update #1
Sounds like the two of you should consider some professional counseling, especially him. Maybe there were things bothering him that happen to coincide at the time of his grandfather's death. It could be he is suffering from depression too. If you love him and are willing to stand by him, then stand by him. If it takes him moving out for a little while and giving him some space to sort things out, then maybe that's best. It may help him deal with his issues and resume your relationship in a better frame of mind so there would be no more damage than what has already occurred.
2007-01-18 03:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is all the grief process. But he has turned his pain inward and self destructive. So he needs help. A group maybe enough to get him back with the living. Private one on one if he gets any worse. This pain is real. And needs your help. Many people do not handle death well, and someone close dying expected or not makes it very difficult. It also sounds like there maybe a little shame or guilt about his relationship with his Grandpa. However, you have to be tough with him and not let him wallow in this mud hole of misery very long. It will last as long as he keeps in that frame of mind. He does know that leaving is a mistake and treating you badly is not the answer. So be his strength and help him to find the answers and put this to rest.
2016-05-24 03:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like hes very depressed and is trying to push you away so that he doesnt bring you down with him. i had a boyfriend who did this to me once and it hurt like hell. now though i am happy that he did because he changed way too much after we broke up. i am happy that he did because we can still be friends. sometimes i think that if he had of stayed with me and done the things he did - i would of ended up hating him. he became an alcoholic, and got into drugs and i know he still loves me but it will never be - im happy now and have 2 little girls and will never live that lifestyle. he knew that i would not approve but he couldnt stop himself but he cared enough about me not to hurt me - it sounds to me that maybe your boyfriend is going through the same type of thing. i think you should talk to your boyfriend or his family about getting him some help to get through this tough situation before he self destructs. good luck. i hope everything works out for both of you
2007-01-18 03:50:38 · answer #3 · answered by kd baby 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he seems to be in a state of depression---he should go see a counselor---he might also need some short term medication to help him through the loss of his grandpa---you sound like a very caring person--someone who he needs right now------stick with him. blessings
2007-01-18 03:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Looks like he has faced his own mortality and is second guessing wether he wants to spend his life with you. Sorry, its a bit harsh, but I think staying with someone who is not sure he wants to be with you is harsher...
2007-01-18 03:46:04 · answer #5 · answered by morganna_f 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you thouhgt that maybe he's seeing someone else?? if he tells you that it isn't you probably because it isn't. He probably jsut needs space but in order to do that one of you has to move out. Good luck and & will pray for you
2007-01-18 08:47:26 · answer #6 · answered by mari d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's gay. Dump him and find a real man.
2007-01-18 04:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by Cracker 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋