My grandfather is having his hip replaced. He will home in about 10 days.He will need help at home for a few weeks after that. My mom and I are the only family members willing to help. Last time he had surgery he ran both of us, especially my Mom ragged.I have work and college, and my mom hurt her arm lifting something so she will have a hard time cooking, etc.. Last time he had surgery would not accept ANY outside help. How can we explain to him that he MUST accept outside help this time. We CANNOT be at his beck and call 24/7? Of course we will help him but he is VERY demanding and we simply cannot do it alone.His sister helped clean his house the past few days, but she is leaving because they had an argument.When my mom had a day off from work, he expected her to sit in his house ALL DAY JUST IN CASE he needed something at the supermarket. He will demand to be driven to the store, refuse to make a list, demand to be brought back to the store a few hours later..and so on .HELP!!!!
2007-01-18 03:31:39 · 21 answers · asked by Melissa 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He absolutely MUST accept help from an agency. his insurance will pay for it, that is not a problem. We are just not sure how to convey to him that we already made arrangments for home health aides to come to his house. It is NOT POSSIBLE for us to do this ourselves, especially with my moms sore arm.
2007-01-18 03:36:34 · update #1
We are NOT sending him to a retirement home permanently.. We need help with him for a few weeks ONLY. Then the Doc said he can go back to work.Doc also said he will be at rehab center for about 10 days. Then he will need some help in home for about 2 or 3 weeks after that.Yes he is demading. My grandmother, God rest her soul, was very subservient to him as most women were to their husbands in that generation. His sister went back to Florida, all they did was argue when she was here. He IS going to accept outside help for both his safety and ours.
2007-01-18 03:51:10 · update #2
Grandpa is 73
2007-01-18 03:59:18 · update #3
you cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped.
2007-01-18 03:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by Girl Goes Back To The Future 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This is always difficult for the patient and for the family. The most important thing is to set guidelines. If he is to be coming home after the hospital verses rehab at a nursing home for a short period then he also has to make some sacrifices. After he is discharged from the hospital home care is usually set up with a nurse, physical and/or occupational therapy, and a home health aide. Possibly the best way to get him to agree to additional private home health care would be to explain that the doctor has ordered (well sort of :- ) that a professional to assist him for a short period if he is to be going home.
The biggest complaint that I have heard from patients is that they fear someone will be coming into THEIR home and boss them around. Once your dad can understand that they will be there to do whatever he wants them to do maybe he would be more receptive. Another concern is always money, why pay someone when family can help for free...If he thinks that medicare is covering it then maybe that would help?
I don't know if you have or not but maybe if you outline all of the restrictions that you and and your mom have ( grades at college, your mom's sore arm, etc) he would be more understanding.
2007-01-20 23:24:51 · answer #2 · answered by star772 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it sounds difficult, but you also have to think the way he does. He getting older and his body is aching all over. I mean he knows what's going on and he's afraid his own family is going to put him in a retirement home. If your planning to hire someone to help take care of him at home talk to him about it without arguement. Let him know that it's just in the meantime that your at school and at work. Explain to him that he also has to understand that your mom isn't allowed to do any lifting because of her arm. You have to at least talk to him, don't make it so hard on yourself and on him. You should at least understand him. Talk to his sister and ask he to help you guys. Sit down and talk. Get some information if the government can get someone to help him and you don't have to pay that person, the government. But also if you and your mom are planning in sending him to a retirement home then I do feel sorry for him and for you. If your just looking for an excuse to take him, then shame on. Hope you make the right decision, but try and make him understand.
2007-01-18 11:42:56 · answer #3 · answered by shy_gal2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get his surgeon or doctor involved- maybe they can check him into a residential care facility for a week or 10 days for the intense physical therapy he'll need daily. They did this with my aunt who's 76 and had her knee replaced- she lived in a house-like setting, and learned the proper way to get in and out of bed, the shower, how to do basic movements for household stuff, etc.... Her husband had died and her kids lived out of state, and there was no way she could have coped alone, and her insurance covered it. So maybe he can have this option and have it paid for too, and the burden will be off you and your mom, plus he'll get expert medical care too. While he's in the rehab place you can perhaps make arrangements for a home health care aide who can help him out once he's home, but still unable to completely care for himself.
2007-01-18 11:37:46 · answer #4 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately when people get older and find they have to depend on others to do for them what they did for themselves most of their lives, they can become very demanding and unreasonable at times. Becoming old is one thing but when you lose your independence and have to depend on others for just about everything is no easy chore...some accept it better than others.
Sometimes they seem to have lost their ability to "reason"...What I would do is have your mom "tell" your grandfather: " although we all love you and want to take care of you, we cannot be here 24/7...I wish we could, but with work and school etc, etc, it's impossible for us. We want to make sure you are taken care of so we decided to bring help in to take care of you while we cannot be here" ~ He may rant and rave about it but that's when Mom just has to stand firm and tell him it has to be this way....Assure him you will ALL still see him but just not on the 24/7. Good Luck PS..just wondering, just how old is Grandpa??
2007-01-18 11:54:47 · answer #5 · answered by 2179 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell Mom to speak to his doctor and tell him what you told us. The doctor can recommend a rehab center and his med coverage will cover it...if not medicare. Good luck ...you've done your duty once and he was an uncooperative patient. Don't let him beat you both up again over this. Just tell him where he can go during this time, like it or not. Nothing unusual about him as lots of people are just like that...demanding.
2007-01-18 11:37:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your grand father is one tough (and by tough I mean STUBBORN) cookie! I think this is a case where tough love is called for. Explain to him that while you care for him and want to be there to help, you have lives of your own. Firmly refuse to give in to his unreasonable demands, but still be willing to help him out when he wants something realistic. That way he knows you still care, but will have more of a sense of you as a person and not just a servant.
2007-01-18 11:43:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like you just did in your explanation. Older
people get demanding sometimes and you and
your mother cannot take care of this old crank.
Call your dept of vocational rehab and get him
a personal assistant. They earn money-so they
can tolerate more of this than family can. Also, tell your grandfather straight out he is cranky and asks for too much. You must make him aware in a diplomatic way.
2007-01-18 11:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by CANDY L 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't make him understand. Elderly people don't like the thought of not being able to care for themselves. How would you feel? He has been self sufficent for so many years, it is hard to depend on someone else for care. Love him and be patient with him. My grandfather died last year. I would give anything to have to put up with his crap aagin. Enjoy him while you can.
2007-01-18 11:39:33 · answer #9 · answered by BooBoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in for a fight. Some people are just so set in their ways. Try to explain the help is not for him, but for you. You have a life to live, and need help helping him. They are there for him as you cannot assist him as needed and he needs a professional. It is not going to be easy. This happens quite a bit to residents of our nursing home. Good luck. It can be a daunting task.
2007-01-18 11:36:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with the first person. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Aside from having the person declared mentally incompetant and making someone their power of attorney. But you have to have a reasonable basis to prove this medically.
2007-01-19 18:59:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋