Should I keep him, or move on?

Question

My bf is very attractive, but very serious in committed relationship. He's the first guy I've ever loved, cuz I never felt this strong and real. He also says I'm the best he ever had, and I can see (and all his friends tell me) he's very in love with me.
But he is also the first person who likes to avoid responsibility. Every other bf I had wanted to marry me in an year or so (I'm 27) but my current one doesn't open his feelings at all... he doesn't even say "love", I think the word scares him a lot. Also, he doesn't earn much and not in a stable occupation.
Now I am asked from my company to move to another country. I must move on April. Should I ask him if he's interested in long distance, or should I move on?
It's killing me but I should be realistic since I do want to marry and have kids as soon as possible? Should I push my feelings away to be realistic?
Please give me your thoughts.

He took me to spain and paris, and I went to his parents for Xmas holiday together. He's planning to come to Japan in April with me, but he doesn't know that I'll be leaving for good...

Answer 1

Love knows no logic... sounds like you're determined to take this job in another country, it's all about balance... do you make a commitment to him or to your career? close your eyes and look into the future. is he there? or are you alone? It actually sounds like your using the moving away "card" to get a bigger commitment from him. Sit down and have an open honest conversation with him, find out why he avoids the "L" word. Ask him what his long range plans are. Never make assumptions if you want a loving relationship base it on honest open communication... you should ask him this question. If you love him and he loves you then you shouldn't be afraid of his answer... you owe it to yourself and to him to discuss this

Answer 2

in this situation if you are not 100% sure this is what you want I would get out. I mean you want to move to another country and you could possible find someone there. Also the fact that you don't feel the same way he feels about you could be a problem in the long run. Don't stay with someone because he loves you and thinks your the one. There is a guy out there that you will feel that way about and he will feel the same in return. If you stay with him you may never know what else is out there. I don't think you should push away your feelings but more examine them.


good luck!

Answer 3

Consider the fact that those other guys that said they wanted to marry you and did not marry you. Just because this guy doesn't fling the word "love" around like it's going out of style doesn't mean he's not feeling it. I only say "i love you" when I mean it. Maybe he just wants to be sure and that's more responsible than just saying it to get what you want. As for how much money he makes, I really don't see how that is relevant. You should just tell him about the job offer and take it from there.

Answer 4

first of all to get married and have kids, is something that should be done with someone you love. you are 27, not 37, you still have time. maybe if you dump him, you wont meet another man and fall in love, like with your current boyfriend. everyone is going to have certain imperfections, but you have to decide how how important these little imperfection are to you. i would never let go of a man i loved because he doesnt earn much, and doesnt have a stable job. are you looking for him to support you? if your not, then that shouldnt matter to you. maybe he's just going thru a tough time with work. happens to everyone. if he is the kinda guy that has trouble opening up with his feelings, then maybe you should help him with that. it could just as easily be scared of his strong feelings for you, maybe he's never felt that way before either, and people react differently to those feelings. just reassure him, and let him know how you feel, not by saying but by doing. i vouch that you ask him to move with you. and dont expect an answer immediately. give him time to think. dont preassure him with marriage and kids. depending on his answer, it'll be easier to make your decision.

Answer 5

When you think of life partner, someone who is responsible is essential in the relationship. When you talk about "love". Someone people mistake it for lust, an attraction..The fact that he is not financially stable could be a reason why he doesnt say anything at this point in time...Do you want him to be dependent on you? Ask him what is stopping him from getting married in general..Ask yourself what you want in a life partner. Does he meet these requirements? Can you work with his flaws? No relationship is strong without a firm foundation.If you dont see things that will change in him that irriate you beyond belief, I would say move on

Answer 6

Think about this: If you're moving to another country, that is the longest type of long term relationship out there. Who says it would work? You might find a man who has the same ambition and goals as you do and then where does that leave him? Break it off and start your new job in this new county with a clean slate. Since marriage is one of your goals and it isn't his, why are you still with him? Move on and hopefully you will find someone with your same interests.

Answer 7

The word love scares a lot of people but it sounds like he tries to show you which is so much more important. After all anyone can say they love you but do they really mean it. You need to have a long hard think about what you really want.. but I would talk to him about it and tell him how you are feeling. Have you thought about him coming and living out there with you? You need to decide what/who is more important to you... Good Luck

Answer 8

ok so your boyfreind is attractive so what? if he doesnt want to marry you right off the bat there is nothing wrong with that. the other guys are just pushing it too soon. they might have loved you they might not have but heres the thing, this guy doesnt wasn to marry you now but ask him if he wants to come along, or ask him what he thinks about you moving to another country and have him tell you how he feels. if he doesnt wanna go with you ask him if hes interested in a long term relationship.

Answer 9

Your bf may be attractive but it sounds like he was shortchanged when it came to handing out common sense and brains. Unless you want to take care of responsibility for the rest of your life for him just move and check out the various new models. Now you should know what to look for under hood; hard working, reliable, caring, stable, etc.

Answer 10

Let him know how you feel. You are not getting younger, tell him you want to get marry. The both you you need to have a long talk about the present and future.