My bf & I have been together over a year now. He’s a lot younger than I am & we currently are living together. About two months ago his grandpa passed away, who he was very close too. Ever since there I have seen a lot of changes in him, he even admits he has changed & not for the better. But he isn’t sure its about his grandpa, but I think theres a connection. The timing is too close for there not to be, IMO. He use to care about his looks, now he barely showers (nice I know), he drinks more (3-4 times a week if he can), he says things like “I don’t care anymore about anything, even myself”. Plus he is moody & just with drawn.
But the hardest thing for me is, the fact he is being really different towards me. He says the change has nothing to do with me. But he feels like we should break up, more than we should stay together. And he doesn’t know why. He says something is gone. Yet he still loves me. He says it has nothing to with me, but if that was true..why would he want to leave?
2007-01-18 02:47:50 · 13 answers · asked by nkbapbt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He also says he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore, so he thinks breaking up once is better than hurting me over and over. But isn’t my choice to stay? If I can handle it, why cant he understand that?
Last night we almost broke up, he had his stuff packed. And he said leaving didn’t bother him. But he kept humming and hawing about leaving too. Then he finally did, but didn’t take his stuff. Then he came back & said he wanted to work it out. He said he couldn’t stand being away from me & he missed me. That he couldn’t sleep without me. Yet this morning when I asked about him coming back, he said again he didn’t know if it could work & he still wanted to break up more than stay together.
We have had our share of issues. I have been in a few bad relationships, one abusive & I have some issues from that. I have hurt him a lot in the past year & he stuck around. He says he doesn’t want to put me through what he went through with me. But Im willing to stick around.
2007-01-18 02:48:26 · update #1
Honestly even if yall decide to break up or anything stick by him. I think that he is depressed because of his grandpa dying and is not wanting to admit it. He still loves you but he is confused.
2007-01-18 02:54:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is all the grief process. But he has turned his pain inward and self destructive. So he needs help. A group maybe enough to get him back with the living. Private one on one if he gets any worse. This pain is real. And needs your help. Many people do not handle death well, and someone close dying expected or not makes it very difficult. It also sounds like there maybe a little shame or guilt about his relationship with his Grandpa. However, you have to be tough with him and not let him wallow in this mud hole of misery very long. It will last as long as he keeps in that frame of mind.
He does know that leaving is a mistake and treating you badly is not the answer. So be his strength and help him to find the answers and put this to rest.
2007-01-18 03:05:41 · answer #2 · answered by Miki M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...thats something that doesnt happen everyday! i find it great that ur still sticking with him, eben though u guys are having a hard time at the moment. i think u should tell him, that ther for him, to help him get through this hard time! how about suprising him with something funny and refreshing, so that he can see something with different eyes again... like, instead of giving him flowers (that will just stire up feelings) give him a watermelon! and then spoil him with some chocolate treats and make him a nice bubble bath... i guess now he just needs a lot of attention..hope this helps!
good luck
2007-01-18 03:00:23 · answer #3 · answered by sabinaauchi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is greiving for his grandad. You have to let him work it out in his own head and just be there for him. Have you tried taking him to his grandad's grave and laying some flowers and encouraging him to talk about him? If it helps him sort his head out then suggest a trial separation but at the end of a given period then he has to decide what he wants but for god's sake don't sleep with him in the meantime. Just be a friend and support him and hopefully he will get his act together.
2007-01-18 02:55:51 · answer #4 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that you love him and that you want to stick around. since he was close with his grandpa and his grandpa passed, he is having issues with that. i know this from a past experience... when my ex and i were together my grandmother passed unexpectedly... and i didnt feel like going out too much and that ended up pissong off my g/f. she ended up cheating on me when i needed her most.
your boyfriend needs you right now; he just doesnt know it. he is in an emotional state right now and he just needs time to get over it. try to avoid fighting cuz that'll just tear you two apart. talk it over with him. tell him how much you care about him and that you dont mind how he is acting right now... tell him it doesnt bother you. most of all just be there for him. if he keeps insisting on breaking up just tell him that he has to be sure of it and let him know that it'll hurt you more if he leaves you then if he stays.
good luck and best of wishes to you and your b/f.
2007-01-18 03:02:11 · answer #5 · answered by Andrew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like hes very depressed and is trying to push you away so that he doesnt bring you down with him. i had a boyfriend who did this to me once and it hurt like hell. now though i am happy that he did because he changed way too much after we broke up. i am happy that he did because we can still be friends. sometimes i think that if he had of stayed with me and done the things he did - i would of ended up hating him. he became an alcoholic, and got into drugs and i know he still loves me but it will never be - im happy now and have 2 little girls and will never live that lifestyle. he knew that i would not approve but he couldnt stop himself but he cared enough about me not to hurt me - it sounds to me that maybe your boyfriend is going through the same type of thing. i think you should talk to your boyfriend or his family about getting him some help to get through this tough situation before he self destructs. good luck. i hope everything works out for both of you
2016-03-29 03:06:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to tell him to grow up be responsible to himself and that life goes on and don't wait on nobody and that he's using his grandpa's death as an excuce to go on. Something else happened besides that but if he wants to leave let him but tell him if he does you won't be there when he comes back. He might just be stringing you along kowing how you fell about him .SO think about it and be carefull.
2007-01-18 03:04:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he wants to leave you because he have someone else pressuring him to leave you. Maybe he does love you, that's why is hard for him to leave. I think you need to sit down with him and have a good talk about what is really going on, and if I'm right then give him space to think, he will come back if he loves you.
2007-01-18 03:00:49 · answer #8 · answered by scubalee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you lose someone close to you it tears you apart thats why there is grief counselin maybe he should try it if not then try to spice things up a little do something diferent that he neva seen you do treat him really special but not special ed he should come around act as if you want him to love you all over again!
2007-01-18 03:01:44 · answer #9 · answered by web gurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs counseling to help him get past his granfather's death. If he has pictures and the like of his grandfather, perhaps it might help to get him started doing a memorial to his grandfather at memory-of.com - it is free and very good - and there are forums there where he can share thoughts with others who have lost someone.
2007-01-18 02:55:19 · answer #10 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋