Do you think the reasoning of this wise 15-year-old girl makes sense?

Question

A friend's daughter, a great girl, asked for my advice. She's wonderful, but has some difficulties to deal with time, she often comes late for lunch or keeps talking w/ friends and forgets to come home. She agrees she should change. Yesterday she was late for lunch. Her mom wasn't mad, treated her w/ love but gave a small punishment. She had to write some lines, nothing harsh, but sure embarrassing for a 15 yo. Her mom said she'll have to write lines whenever she comes late The girl is a bit resentful and thinks her mom messed up. Her reasoning 1) She's a good girl, she just has difficulty to deal w/ time; 2) Punishments are for "moral" mistakes, which certainly wasn't the case; 3) Instead of punishment, she thinks she should just abide by the consequences, like not having lunch. Though I see the girl's point, I said her mom, out of love, would never deny her lunch. Though I don't agre w/ the punishment, I think her mom showed love, and denying the girl her lunch might be traumatic

Answer 1

She's pretty aware of her problem. I disagree denial of food as being appropriate. I sense the writing of lines (not sure what she has to write) may be demeaning and will not effect the behavioral change. But encourage her to try it out for awhile and see if it works. Her "time management" skills or lack of them do not seem out of line for a 15yo. It sounds like she is "normal" as well as insightful. Mom needs to allow for her being a "kid".

Answer 2

this girl is just being a teenager everything is more important than doing what you shoul maybe she should set the alarm on her cel phone or get a watch that has an alarm so she wont lose track of time as a mom i would have proably grounded her for a day or two there are too many crazy psyco's out there and when my son was late by a half an hour once i lost it he has never been late again ( he was grounded from everything for a week) as a parent when your child is not wehre they are supposto be and they do not call to explain where they are or why they are late it is pretty traumatic on us , i don't blame the mom at all if this girl was so great she would have been home on time or called the world is so dangerous right now it is every parents responsibility to keep there kids safe......

Answer 3

I wish my mom would have only punished me for 'moral' mistakes :) I think the punishment fit the crime and wasn't harsh at all. If the mom had made her skip lunch - that may have been a little harsh, but it certainly wouldn't hurt her either. Punishments aren't supposed to be fun - I think writing lines is a great punishment for an infraction like always being late. If it was a matter of just being late once....maybe punishment would be harsh, but if it's a consistent thing, it needs to be corrected.

Answer 4

I agree with natural consequences for most things but at 15 she needs to learn time management I would definitely add a punishment along with the natural consequence not withholding food or anything but maybe she should have to make her own lunch or something along those lines. Soon enough she will be old enough to work and everyone knows what happens when we are late to work too much so good job to mom

Answer 5

Goodness, she's 15 years old. I don't think she's being traumatized either by missing lunch one day or by being forced to write lines. If that's what her mother feels is appropriate punishment, that's the end of it. If the girl doesn't want to write them, she should get home on time for lunch. Tell her to buy a watch with an alarm rather than spending time thinking up reasons to avoid punishment.

Answer 6

A wise woman once told me when i was having an issue with being on time, she said "During times of a revolution, a man who cant be on time cant be trusted." It didnt dawn on me what she was actually saying until later in life. Its true, if someone who is perpetually late, how can you trust them? Would you give this "wise" 15yr old girl the responsibility of picking you up to get you somewhere you need to be? Would you give this girl a job if you ran a successful company? You cannot depend on someone like this, and she cannot be trusted with this pattern of behavior. Her mother is being very passive with the whole discipline thing. This girl doesnt sound like she really has an issue with time but rather has an issue with respect. And you sound like her little boyfriend or wanna be bf.


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Answer 7

If I know that something that I do bothers someone else I try my best to change because I don't want to offend......She is 15 and she is testing her boundaries.....All teenagers do.....Parents need re-enforcement. By allowing yourself to come between the parent and child relationship you become a hindrance not a help.

Used to I wanted my way so bad that I did whatever I wanted and I didn't care about feelings but I have since matured. People's feelings are more important than me getting my way. This child needs to learn this but Don't come between the mother and child......That is not your place. You are not this child's mother......you are a friend to the Mother and you better keep it that way......If she was meant to be your daughter than God would have given her to you, but He knew that this woman was better for this child........

Answer 8

yes, maybe she has ADD because I'm not a bad kid and I'm late more than 3 times a day maybe she should go get an ADD test because when someone has ADD it answers a lot of questions so maybe that will relieve the punishment/stress

Answer 9

she should thank her lucky stars that her mom is not harsher. and just deal with it. If I was late my brother would lock me out of the house.

EDIT:
Punish ment is not just reserved for MORAL mistakes. that is just stupid. if her tartiness carries over into a job then she would be fired every time.punishment is also ment for lifes lessons.

Answer 10

her mom is teaching her good thing. she cant be late to place where she is expected to be. time is money