Spanking doesn't work?

Question

Would someone explain me how to handle a 5-year-old daughter's total disrespect?She doesn't listen about anything and when I tell her to do something she just pretends to not having heard me.I spank her but the more I spank the less she behaves.She often misbehaves everywhere I go with her.Her school teachers say that she is a clever child and they wonder why she is so naughty.I spank her but there doesn't seem to be any effect.What should I do???

Answer 1

How do you spank? Don't spank unless it's the last resort, but if you do, don't just swat her. Tell her to go to the room, let her wait for at least 5 min. Then have a talk with her. Pull down pants/panties put her across your lap, and spank her bottom red. Don't leave bruises or other permanent marks, but a good spanking should leave her crying hard and her bottom red. You shouldn't have to do these kind of spankings very often.

If I were in your situation, I would do what we call our 3 strikes rule for her bad behavior or being defiant. first time=warning, second=taking toy, or privilege away, third=spanking. With my oldest 2 daughters, I have only had to give one spanking each for our 3 strikes policy. They always do what is asked after the warning.


Just to add: in no state is spanking considered child abuse.

http://familyrightsassociation.com/info/spanking_laws.htm

Answer 2

EDIT: lol, this is a total BS thread. The person that created bethany b's account, also created about 15 other accounts with a anti spanking agenda. WHAT A LOSER!!!!!! Why start a BS thread and wast every ones time.

Need Proof

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlXeP0ORxxOwrXd1yhGVkqzsy6IX?qid=20070120034713AAZMJQ4




Also toosexy, i sent you a reply


Well I guess according to "toosexy" (doubt it) I am in trouble once I am depending on my children too. Or maybe not, since I won't be burdening them with looking after my old butt, when it's my time.

Every child is different. Spanking should be used as a last resort. I would suggest spanking less, but make is a big deal when you do. If you spank to much, like anything, spanking loses it's effectiveness.

Try the Dr. Phil thing: take everything out of her room (EVERYTHING) just a mattress, heck even take the door off. Then make her earn them back one by one. I'd do this as a step before spanking.

I am not sure your situation but it kind of sounds like spanking has lost it's effectiveness with her due to over use. I'd stop spanking for a while (1 year or more). Make the spanking a major whammy, for really bad stuff. Then do them like old school mom suggests. Sorry toosexy i think your wrong there.

Answer 3

Spanking works ! You must spank on the fat part of their bare buttocks and make it sting. This will not cause injury . Its best to start doing this when they are about two or as soon as they know the difference between right and wrong. By the time they are four or five you will seldom have any problems. It's important to spank for the right reasons . Never spank when a child breaks or spills something unless it was intentional. Done the right way, nothing works better than spanking although many so called experts say otherwise. The older the child is when you start spanking, the more difficult it is. I feel that if the child is more than ten, it is too late to get good results.

Answer 4

Are you using other discipline methods other than spanking? Spanking can be effective if not used for every offense. Have you tried time-outs. Have you tried taking toys and privileges away? For me, spanking works when I use it in extreme cases like hitting siblings, running into the road. I always explain to the child what they did wrong so they understand why they got spanked. I also say I love you too.

Answer 5

It sounds as if your daughter views you as being out of control. If you're spanking her, most likely this is done out of frustration or anger. Spanking isn't the answer.

I've been in your position before. My son was extremely defiant, very smart too. Spanking, time outs, taking toys away did nothing. He'd become more defiant with spanking, move on to a new "favorite" toy, or enjoy his solitude in time out. He learned very early how to make the situation work to his benefit.

Rather than focus on PUNISHMENT...I decided to look at it differently. When his behavior was proper or correct, I would compliment him, give him positive feedback, letting him know that this is how I expected him to behave. If he misbehaved, depending on the severity of the incident, I either ignored it altogether or sat him down, spoke to him in a calm voice and briefly explained my disappointment and would not allow him to act that way and what I expected. I would repeat this as necessary.

Also, I didn't discipline in the moment. I found that if he misbehaved and I reacted immediately, it was often what he wanted in the first place. If I simply stated that we would discuss this later when Daddy or (being a single mother at the time) after dinner, it would create some tension for him...not me. I wouldn't joke around and play or get silly during the wait time. My responses to my child would be short and to the point. I would not get into a discussion with him. I would remind him that our talk would be coming up and my decision as to what will happen based on his behavior will be told to him then.

More often than not, the build up was torture enough. I would take away something that fit the "crime" not just something to take something away.

Focusing on positive behavior rather than focusing on the negative behavior really brought out wonderful things in my son. We still have our moments but he's definitely better behaved than he used to be.

Answer 6

if spanking doesn't work, you have to find something that will really get her attention. take away something she really loves.

too you also need to talk with her about what you expect of her and you also need to be consistent with your discipline so that she learns to believe what you say she may act out because she doesn't believe that you will do anything and she is beyond spanking, as was I.

i saw a good ebook on http://www.lulu.com
called: the parenting manual, because kids don't come with one.

Answer 7

she sounds like what my now 9 year old daughter was like at that age. she was just diagnosed with o.d.d. (oppositional defiance disorder)! the best thing to do is to take her stuff away from her. leave nothing in her room but her furniture; no toys, t.v., video games, etc (anything "fun" for her)! Let her earn her stuff back with good behavior. She's acting up to get attention; spanking her, yelling at her, and trying to talk to her about her behavior is feeding her! when she acts out simply tell her "stop it" and ignore her when your out in public, and tell her to go to her room that your not gonna deal with her behavior when at home. But you've also got to reward good behavior by spending quality time with her~ but she has to earn it. My daughter is coming up on 2 months of fairly good behavior so we are taking all of the kids to Chuck-E-Cheese to celebrate, and she knows it's all for her! Everything that I have told you is what my daughters therapist and psychiatrist has told me to do! Good luck, and I hope this helps you.

Answer 8

depends on how you're spanking... Do you yell and scream? If you do it's not going to work. But if you are calm spank her and you must do it without giving too many chances. Send her to her room then talk about it after, not during the incidence.

Answer 9

Spanking is legal folks!!!! not child abuse. Spanking out of frustration doesn't work. Spanking in control works like a charm, as long as the child KNOWs why they are getting spanked.

Answer 10

Investigate her friends, and what behavior they have. Are they allowed to be spoiled brats? Do their parents over-indulge their less than good behavior? A child will wrench control out of your hands, and go as far as they can, it's only human behavior. Where is the, and who is the admired leader, of her peer group? That's where the defiance is coming from. They are very cunning, and percieve weekness, just as a prowling wild animal.Hard tough love will correct it, but may have you answering child and families services. That's the extent of our great declining society.