My mother-in-law is 85 yrs old and has Altzheimer. She accuses us, her family, of trying to poison her. How do i help or how do i relate to what she's saying? ANY help, please? We live in Israel, not in USA, so contact any support would be pointless. But any other info will help, thank you.
2007-01-17 23:29:38 · 6 answers · asked by dearestm64 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you all for your help, i feel a bit better, i might sound like a robot, but i mean it...i thought i was so alone...thanks guys...really...
2007-01-17 23:57:36 · update #1
One of the things you have to remember is the patient is often full of fear. The world they know is changing and they don't understand it. The things they remember others don't, and suddenly people are talking about things they don't know. Their memories tend to be from years ago, but they don't remember yesterday - and that can be terrifying.
So anything that can reassure them - anything that can help them keep a sense that they have some control - anything that can help remind them of daily routines - gives them some peace.
Small things can be important - leave the door open to the bathroom so they can find it. Help them lay out clothes the night before, so they don't have to make decisions about dressing. Agree with them whenever possible, and explain rather than correct. Make it easy for them to agree - Oh that's the show you saw last week, you remember that don't you? It can feel manipulative - but it's helping them.
Example - I was visiting my mother in her earlier stages, and was going upstairs to bed. She asked where I was going - I told her - she asked if I were going to take the guest bedroom, where would John sleep? (I am John) I told her he wasn't coming until tomorrow and we would work it out then, and she was quite satisfied. I knew she wasn't sure who I was but rather than address that directly, I eased her immediate concern and she went on.
There are some good aids through different Alzheimer organizations, and I would be surprised if there were not support groups in Israel. I'd get on Google and contact some to see. Sharing the problems and hearing other people's solutions can often be a great help.
2007-01-17 23:40:02 · answer #1 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I am so sorry! I lost my 90 year old mom to Alzheimers, it is a cruel disease. When my mom got to that stage, the only thing that helped was antipsychotic prescription medication. I think it was Risperdal (sp?). By then, she had been having many daily episodes of that type. My dad could not understand why he couldn't explain all her delusions away. We had to go along with here, like pretend to phone her long dead father to explain why she was going to be late getting home just to settle her down. Sometimes she would be content for hours just folding the same laundry over and over again. We came to know when she was in pain because that was when she would start ripping her clothes off as if she could then rip the pain out.
Talking does not help except as you would comfort a baby. We played music from her youth over and over and OVER again. What worked best for EVERYONE was providing her with physical comfort, hugging her, even lying in bed with her and holding her tight until she fell asleep.
Don't try to go it alone. Find a way to take at least one day a week totally off and spend it with someone or doing something that will make you laugh a bit. It'll really recharge you. Best of luck and blessings to you.
ADDED: PS, people would often ask me "does she know who you are?" I never did ask her that, what was the point?
2007-01-18 00:02:26 · answer #2 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this!!! Alzheimers is a terrible disease. The only way you can re-assure her is to be patient and kind. Most of the time, Alzheimers patients forget and have short term memory loss. If she is doing this during medication time, hide the meds in her drink or food (you can buy a medication crusher). Sometimes redirecting their attention to something else works. I have worked with alzheimers patients in their home as a care giver and it is very hard to see them suffer so much. Please contact me again, I will be more than happy to assist you in caring for her.
2007-01-18 00:03:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to do some research on the net so you have a better understanding to what your motherin law is going thru. I have a foster mother that is going thru the same thing and she thinks people are stealing from her and being mean to her. It is the sickness talking not her. It is really hard to see happen to someone you love.
2007-01-18 00:24:46 · answer #4 · answered by elly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I can give I learned going thru this with my Grandmother. Go along with her tell her you are watching people etc there is really no point in trying to convince her she is wrong. You have already tried that and it doesn't work. Make her think you beleive her and are trying to help her at least she will feel validated.
2007-01-18 00:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a hard road you are travelling on. my grandmother had alzheimers,and she used to think i had stolen her baby[ my father] when in fact the baby was mine, we found when she was irrational, it was best to agree with her,because u cant reason with a disesed mind,so it may help to agree with her when she thinks someone is going to poision her,by saying something like, yes mum i know what their up to, and im watching them, dont you worry about it, i will have a big talk to them as soon as ive finished here...... try to remember when you are tired and frustrated, that you are doing your best, and you as much as anybody deserve your love.good luck from me in australia.xx
2007-01-17 23:49:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋