I am a custodial stepparent of a 4 year old. He recently tried to stick his penis in his 12 month old baby brothers mouth. We decided that this was not normal behaviour and have made an appt to take him to a child psychologist to see if they can get any info about where he learned this. About a month ago, he started pitching a fit when his mom came to pick him up to visit. We have all concluded that we think it may be his 11 yr old stepbrother that did this (mom thinks this may be the case too). The stepbrother is her husbands son and visits the same time that ours does. My husband decided that it would be best for her to visit him here or take him out to eat until his doctor appt and we find out what happened. She flipped out and is threatening to call her attorney. Did we handle this correctly? Our thoughts are to keep him safe, not keep him from his mom. At first, she was upset but cooperative but now she is angry and vindictive. This is not about us it is about him.
2007-01-17 23:05:03 · 9 answers · asked by peach 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
In this kind of situation the only thing that matters is keeping the child in a safe environment. Perhaps, another solution could be that he visit at times the stepbrother is not around. If she wants to contact an attorney let her, it's obvious if she feels upset about your request to keep the child safe she does not have his best interest at heart.
One possible reason for her reaction may be simply that she feels guilty or at fault. You may try sitting down with her and explaining that you don't blame her, but until there is some way to tell what happened if anything you want to make sure that her son is safe. I would also invite her to go with you to the counselor. That might help her to feel included and a part of the decisions being made about the child.
If she continues to pull the lawyer card it's time to contact yours and consider having custody removed or supervised. Anyone who admits that there is a possibility that her child is being abused in her home by her stepson and still wants to expose the child to that type of abuse should not be allowed to supervise a child of any age.
2007-01-18 08:00:24 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is worried about herself and not the child. I would rather my child be safe at my husbands house than to bring him home, not knowing what is happening to him. I hope this is not the case for the four year old, or he will remember this for the rest of his life. Will he not tell you where he got this behavior from? Make sure he does know that what happened was not is fault and that everyone loves him so much. Also let the Mother know that she can call her attorney, as long as you and the Father are keeping him safe, and she has already said that she thinks it might be the stepbrother too, then you and your husband would probably have a pretty good case. If not, make the stepbrother come on an opposite time. God Bless You!
2007-01-17 23:17:59 · answer #2 · answered by kris10 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're absolutely right that what your 4-year-old did is not normal behavior. He had to learn it from someone. It sounds like you, your husband and the bio mom agree that it is most likely the 11-year-old stepbrother who is the abuser.
It's obvious to me that what you care about is your child's safety. And that's all it should be about. Unfortunately not everyone can see it that way, and it sounds like the bio mom might be feeling a bit guilty that this happened under her supervision and is instead lashing out at you two.
If she only has daytime unsupervised visitation with your son then she really has no reason to be flipping out. All you two are doing is asking that it take place somewhere away from the 11-year-old. If she has a problem with that you two can get in touch with your attorney as she is knowingly putting the child in danger.
If she has overnight visitation with your son then things get a bit trickier because in her state of mind she would perceive that as being kept from her son. I don't agree with her, but I can see how she could twist it that way. But if that's the case then if she felt that strongly about it she could rearrange the visits so that the two boys don't have visitation at the same time. Either way the attorney threat is stupid, because all you have to do is mention possible sexual abuse in the bio mom's home and she could be looking at severely reduced visitation.
I think you two handled this just fine. You're looking out for your son. And if the bio mom was on the same page as you she should have taken steps to help come to a solution that protects him. Not pull a temper tantrum.
I wish you the best of luck in this, and I think it's wonderful that you're seeking out the help of a child psychologist.
2007-01-17 23:32:05 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may want to ask that the stepbrother not visit the same time as he does, instead of making her feel she did something wrong (going to your house may feel like "supervised visits"). That might be a better solution, especially considering that it may not just take one visit to the psychologist to figure out if abuse happened. Good luck and I hope it all works out okay and both children get the help that they may need.
2007-01-17 23:21:42 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what is best for child.
In my mind if she thinks its the stepbrother than she is also guilty of child abuse as she hasnt done anything to prevent this while the child was in her care. So she is also guilty of abuse.
If it was my child then I wouldnt let the other boy near him if I even suspected that.
Get your child to the Dr as soon as possible and call whatever child welfare agency you have. This child has definatel been abused and this needs to stop now.
Let her call her attorney, you are doing what you have to to keep this child safe.
My friends son also displayed this behaviour and it turned out he was being abused.
Do whatever you have to to keep that child safe.
Good Luck.
2007-01-18 00:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by Monkey Magic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you did the right thing. Stick to your guns. Try to see if you can get your Dr's appt even sooner. One suggestion. Maybe the older son should be seeing a counseler as well and offer to take both of them there . hugs to you and your family and GOD bless you
2007-01-17 23:21:36 · answer #6 · answered by cw2007 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to call your local children's aid society, or child welfare agency to ask for moderation. This is not the kind of situation where you wait for an appointment. All four parents should be sitting down to discuss this with a social worker taking immediate action.
2007-01-17 23:16:12 · answer #7 · answered by baggyk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys have done the right thing. It's always best to put the child first. If she doesn't like it she can get over it.
2007-01-18 00:56:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is becoming jealous of your actions because she can't protect her own son from her present situation and you can. I think you must both have a dialogue to make her feel more relax while the result of the boys problem is settled.
2007-01-17 23:15:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋