My family are always critisizing my behaviour around them.?

Question

I am 29, I have an older sister who is married. Sometimes when I am with my whole family (our mum, dad, my sister and her husband) I act quiet and take a step back because generally they stress me out and my sister is demanding. My Dad is a pain sometimes aswell and the whole experience is stressfull most of the time. They never chill out quietly and they are always talking about something.
I am fed up with them at the moment because they ALL keep saying my behaviour is wrong around them and I act childish (all I do is sit down and be quiet and let them talk). My dad says because I don't join in the conversation I am childish ( I don't want the stress) Is he right? I am really pis*ed off and angry with them at the moment and feel like telling them all to go to he*l. Am I in the wrong?

Answer 1

Sounds like your in the right. Sounds like they are annoyed at not being able to drag you in properly in to the stressful arguments that some people seem to thrive on and enjoy. However by sounds of it... the pressure to drag you in to the arguments is stressful in itself.

I'd take a break from them all and show that you are better than their little power circle arguments. Good luck.

Answer 2

Your family probably knows you quite well and knows that sitting quietly by isn't really your personality so they wonder why you are being like that around them. What you explained didn't sound overly stressful so I don't get why they stress you out so much other than they get noisy when they're talking. Why not try to participate in family conversations? They want you to join in, so speak up and give your opinion. Then, if they give you a hard time about it, tell them they asked for it. Be mature and join in with your family. They are worth a few minutes of stress, don't you think? You are being overly sensitive. One day, you'll wish you had your family to talk to, believe me.

Answer 3

Gee if you cant be yourself around family then where can you be? Your family sounds quite domineering. If they cant enjoy your company then dont give them the pleasure of it. You are an adult now so take control of your emotions and prevent them from happening as they do with your family. How? Limit the time with them. If you must have contact then set a time and limit how long you are going to stay. Perhaps you may have to see various members one to one, take mum for a coffee or something, quality time with Dad, drop in on your sister at least that way you have some power on the conversation and their behaviors towards you. If it continues to be negative then reassess the need for in depth contact. They are your family but you are not obligated to them especially if such contact has such a negative effect upon you.

Answer 4

Don't tell your family to go to h*ll because in times of stress you will need them.

You need to understand that people who know you well know how to manipulate you to doing things they want you to do. For example, your father wants you to join in the conversations with your other family members and the only way he can coax you into doing so is by saying something which he knows will hit a raw nerve. In this case - you being childish-.

I doubt if he sees you as being immature or childish. what you need to do is distance yourself from the family when they are 'whole' and interact with family members in a smaller group or individually. You are entitled to take a stand and say what you like and what you don't like.

So take what your father says with a pinch of salt and live your life how you want to live it.

Answer 5

No! You are not wrong, your family is. They have to realize that you are not a child anymore, and they can no longer dictate how you act. You have the right to be whoever, and whatever you please, and if your family really loves you they should except you as you are. I would inform them that I would not be attending any more family functions until they could except me as I was. Grow some backbone. Stand up for your rights as an Individual.

Answer 6

my family used to be like this, and i was always being got at by one or another and their were some good times. I can see why you are quiet if they are always putting you down. they are not showing much respect for you and they are not perfect, i think they are focusing on you to take their mind off their own flaws. Get a self assesertiveness book. its not your problem really you are just affected by it. just see them for who they are stand up for yourself and don,t let them get you down or believe the crap they come out with. God thinks you are great, they love you really their just ignorant but they should not do this its wrong.

Answer 7

Chime in when they are commenting about a new item. (If its not in the room, ask the color, ect.)
Use positive comments like your outfit really looks good on you,
you always did have good taste! (basically if it does look good)
Ask if anyone would like a cup of coffee, tea/ whatever you normally serve when you relax at home. Ask your sister to help
you.
In other words remove yourself a bit and play hostess. They sound like a glob of rude green critical snot, but for the most part
all families have someone they pick on .

Answer 8

There is always this tendency in family's to wanna pull everyone together after all tht is what family is for......yes and no.....if you do not want to get involved then don't, you have a bedroom don't you.Think your family are just trying to connect with you and they think that if they rib you enough you will cave in.Try and speak to your father one on one and let him know that this is upsetting you i am sure that if he knows this he will back off and if that fails....move out

Answer 9

I'd say your i the wrong. You're sitting there not taking an active part in your families life, to them you are just sitting there in the huff. Why do you not speak to them, they are your family and you should be able to. My sister was like that but she grew out of that when she hit 20.

Answer 10

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