My parents fight, and I get the blame.?

Question

My parents fight all the time, it's like my mom is paranoid he is messing around and it's like she tries to plant stuff on him so it looks like he is but he isn't. So they constantly fight and I, being the oldest of 2 kids, gets in trouble for it. After a fight, my mom throws stuff at me, hits me sometimes, tells me that I can't do anything right, and blames me for everything. I could be sitting somewhere minding my own business and all the sudden she comes out screaming about how I'm sitting or something. I'm so fed up with it, I'm 15, so I can't leave. I can't take it anymore, so much I have started to cut myself and have thought that if I just was gone forever, and killed myself, everything would end and I wouldn't have to deal with all this. I need help, what can I do?

~ Tonight I was sitting on the couch doing homework and she got so pissed at me so she threw this huge candle at me.

My dad hit my shoulder and my mom called a therapist to make an appt for me, and the therapist office called CPS and they said if anything happens call them but I thought of that and my mom refuses to give me the number.

I'am home schooled, so I don't have any school teachers/counselors to talk to about it....I barely ever leave the house, so I know nobody, and have no friends..

I try avoiding her during a fight, I hide in my room and so does my little brother. But she comes after me. A few weeks ago I was in the hallway and she came walking out of my dad's room after a fight and was so angry that she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me through the hallway and threw me into my room, causing a sprained wrist.

Thank you everyone who answered, I appreciate it.
My mom left the house a few minutes ago after another fight, to a hotel I think., so I'm going to try to get some sleep or just try and avoid her completely.
Thank you all again, it helped.

Answer 1

Tell her to knock it off or you will go talk to the school counselors.

Answer 2

I'm a16 year old who's gone through the same exact thing at 15 years old (well, almost, but I'm loved enough to never get a huge candle thrown at me)

My parents fight all the time. My mom says my dad has mental problems, and my dad thinks my mom is selfish and narrow minded. At first I didn't know who was right, but I found out that my mom is right. Anyways...

Don't cut yourself, or kill yourself. That's just a sissy way to give up, and it isn't worth it. Besides, you're 15 so I know you can do better than THAT.

My mom used to blame me for things, and I'm pretty sure I will never understand. If your mom is keep doing bad things to you, go to your dad. Stick with him as much as possible, just to avoid your mom. That's what I did. My dad didn't blame me for those stuff. If your dad isn't your best option, go to your friends place, or somewhere else, where your mom won't know. I find libraries, cafes, and internet cafes to be the best if friends aren't available. Or I just grab some cash, Spend the whole day outdoors walking here and there, buying whatever I can buy when I get hungry.

I may be wrong, but I trust you enough that you didn't do anything wrong at all. You can't do everything right, but you can do something right :). and you certainly know how to sit well =D.

If you can't leave home at all, I'm afraid I have nothing to say to that.

If you were to kill yourself right now, you'd lose everything you built up during these past 15 years. Why abandon what you can finish in a relatively short amount of time? I mean, you endured 15 years at home, and you're just three years away from freedom. You'll be out of home and off to college anyway. Just my philosophy.

As for your parents, I found out that you can't do anything about it. Countless times my parents "promised" they'd never fight again. Honestly, I'd rather have them not say that again.

Now, my mom, brother, and me are separated from my dad. This seems to be the only way in which they CANT fight. Everyone is getting along (except my brother. He's going through adolescence lol), and my mom doesn't act like a ***** anymore.

Adults are hard to understand I know. I can only hope I don't act like the same bad parent when I grow up, and I can still maintain this mindset so I can interact with my children more as a friend-to-friend relationship.

When one person does bad to you, don't start hating them. We don't need two bad people hating each other. We need that person to NOT be a bad person.

Answer 3

Your Mom sounds like she has a mental disorder.

NONE of this is your fault, and you haven't done anything wrong.

Unfortunately you aren't getting the love and support we all need in this environment. YOU are going to have to love you, nurture you, and take care of you.

You have options, you can look into CPS and possibly foster care, there may be other programs to help you out like income assistance with finding a place etc.

Are there friends/relatives you could stay with for a while? Do you belong to any religious groups?

There are many things you can do right, and I am sorry that you are being bombarded by the negative things your mother says. They aren't true, no matter how many times she repeats them, they aren't true.

If there is anything of importance I have to tell you, it's this, one day you will leave, one day you will have a peaceful home, and in the meantime to work toward that, your highest duty and obligation to yourself is to get an education.

Study whatever you want, but educate yourself as much as possible.

Aim for some sort of post secondary education, that is your weapon, tool, and protection all in one.

Don't expect your Mom to change, she may or she may not, but you have to worry about you, and not her baggage.
My mother refuses to acknowledge the pain she caused me, she blames everyone else instead. I rarely speak to her.

Ultimately you're not alone, other people have experienced this, as wrong and awful as it is, and they've made it through.

Another asset is a network of people, adults you can trust, family, friends, etc. If you don't have these connections, make them. Not all will pan out, but if you keep at it, it will.

Your situation is unfair, but you can survive it and learn a hell of a lot from it. Don't be afraid to do some research and ask for help.

Answer 4

Your fifteen! Take your life into your hands! This is serious child abse. Tr to talk t your parents about it, but DON'T THREATEN THEM. If you do, the situation will get worse. If this still continues, tell the police. Just go to the police station. Don't call 911 because it's for emergencies and that call might just waste the few seconds needed to save someone's life. Don't cut yourself! Don't be depressed. Think about your little sibling! How would he/she feel if you were gone? Your the oldest, take responsibility! Help your sibling too, you don't want him/her to endure the same pain that you have because you left. If you go to the police, bring your sister/brother with you, or else if you parents come home and find you gone, they might take it out on ur sibling. Tell the police everything, when this started, what your parents have done to you, all your family troubles. If you have bruises, show those to them. Tell them about your depression and cutting, they can help!

Answer 5

If you can't talk with your mom about her throwing at you really seriously sometime, you really got to talk about this to an expert or an counselor who could advice you more in detail. You are a special person, and I really can't let you stay there getting all the blames and hits from your parents. They are really ruining your life, and you really don't want to do that to yourself. Your parents might really need to go and see someone to cure their problems.

The main thing, however, is to go to church. I am not some kind of psycho. I am telling you this cuz I know and heard many stories like yours, and I know that my life has changed significantly after meeting Jesus. I got better and really found myself again with confidence and happiness in Jesus. Jesus loves everybody no matter what, and he is probably crying for what you are having through. Why don't you go meet him, and talk to him about his problem? He probably wants you too as well.

Answer 6

It's common for stressed people to take their frustration out on others. If you're not fat or ugly and have'nt been sitting around on your ****, you should not feel guilty and cut yourself up. Turning the other cheek is not probably in your nature and you do it anyway because you're a coward. Stand up for your rights! Tell the ***** off or throw the candle back at her. Tell her to get her act together and that you're tired of her BS. If you feel stronger after reading this, things are gonna get better for you, atleast but if you feel rejected and wanna cut yourself up ... you're just looking for pity. Don't waste our time.

Answer 7

listen

it has nothing to do with you
its just that your mum gets pissed off at your dad and takes it out on you so its her problem you didnt do anything wrong and you surly dont deserve to be treated like that!

do you have any aunts or uncles?
or any older relatives you trust? if so , you should talk to them or simply ask if you can move in with them'till your mum and dad get the help they need.

or just call some1 who can help

and if you cant then honey at least get out of the house more and make friends so you'd have a life away from all that and dont worry everything will be ok, hopfully =)

Answer 8

Don't hurt yourself. You need love. Try to talk to somebody you trust like a teacher friend or family member who you can confide in. It's important that you talk about this with someone because they will be able to help you. maybe you have a samaritans or a childline number you could call? these organisations are trained to help you.

Answer 9

Mate it seems like your mum needs to take a good look at herself in the mirrior shes blamming you for all the stupid stuff shes thinking about thats not even true as you said. sounds like she has to blame someone cause she cant blame herself when its her fault in the first place for acting the way she is. girl if your close to your dad have a talk with him about it when your mums not around and trust me hurting yourself wont do you anygood and i know sometimes it seems hard but your still young and you have your hole life ahead of you.so girl keep your head up hey mate. jakeo

Answer 10

Stop cutting yourself, those scars seem to last forever.
You can look up Social Services when no one is around.
If it's really bad fighting, or you feel threaten dial 911.
Remember, it won't be much longer before you will
be old enough to leave.

Answer 11

every time they fight, lock yourself into your room and don't go out unless you're sure she'd cooled off. anyway about your mom leaving, congratulations! try to settle things with her and your dad also because it sucks not to have a mother just because of a fight that you did'nt start.