I messed up my relationship, I need to fix it... Please Help!!!! ... She wants space...?

Question

I have been with this incredible girl for 1 year. We are both 23 years old and I conidered this to be a very serious relationship.. We have lived together for many months and spent lots of time together. I know I really love her, more than any other relationship I have ever had - combined! The problem is we like to go out to clubs to dance and stuff... Sometimes when I drink too much I get mean to her and mad and yell, sometimes for no reason.. I have some communication problems, if I'm mad about something I won't talk I will just "shut down" and blame her. Also just recently I did the worst thing possible. after a very heated argumement I got very angry and slapped her, not hard but a slap nonetheless. She had a very abbusive relationship in the past and is afraid I will turn into that. I know I never would and told her I would do anything to fix the relationship. I have pledged to stop drinking and stop going to clubs, and also to go to counseling.. Please help, What do I do?

Answer 1

Well if you are genuine, and I do not doubt you on that, then all you have to do is to relate to her exactly what you have said to us in this question. Tell her what you have told us and promise her to change and to give you a second chance. I think you have learnt your lesson and all that you have to do is to proove to her by deeds and actions not by words only. It will take time, but I believe she might reconsider taking you back. All the best!

Answer 2

I want to relate something to you that I have learned from personal experience. I'm going to use some analogies to paint a picture in your mind so that you understand my point better. When you were a kid and someone hurt your feelings, you probably would sulk and pout for a while and then you would become preoccupied with something else and forget why you were ever upset. Think of this like a time when you spilled your bike and skinned up your knee. That knee stung and hurt like all get-out for a while but then you became preoccupied with something else for a while and a week or so later realized that you had forgotten all about hurting your knee and now it was all better. Different wounds require different remedies, some wounds like a bump to your head when you are small, Mommy can kiss and make it all better. Other wounds stay with you for a while and Mommy can't just kiss it and make it all better. Physical wounds actually heal very quickly in comparison to emotional wounds. There are some wounds, even physical wounds, that only time will heal. Emotional wounds are these types of wounds, they just take time. Trust issues are an emotional wound that take not only time but deeds to prove that the wounded individual will not have their trust betrayed again. The scars that come from emotional wounds run deep. Physical scars actually begin to fade with time. Skin repairs itself somewhat and diminishes the contrast that is caused by scarring. Your relationship with this guy can be saved but there is nothing you can say or do, right now, to alleviate the trust issue. He needs to remember some forgiveness first and also that he makes mistakes too, nobody is perfect. Just give it time Good luck

Answer 3

Hello.. first of all I would like to commend you because I can see that you are really doing everything to make things work right and you admit your mistakes and you know the reason behind your behavior and you have taken measures to improve yourself. At the same time, you also know why you're losing her. This is a good start because you have realized every angle of the situation. Trust is the basic foundation of every relationship. And that is what was lost. It takes years to earn it and just a second to blew it. You have reminded her of the abusive relationships she had before, that's why she wants space. The key to getting her back is to secure her and assure her that it won't happen AGAIN. However, you also need to ask yourself, is it really possible that it will not happen again? What do you intend to do in order to avoid that it won't happen again? When you get back together and she becomes very cautious and sort od withdrawn in the relationship because of what happened do you think it will work out?

Maybe you should also take advantage of the space that she asked. But tell her that you are having the space in order to better yourself and to overcome drinking, clubs, and to come to terms with yourself and that you intend to see her when you have prepared yourself. Tell her you love her and you'll do it for her.

Waiting is the key..... give it some time...

Answer 4

As an abuse victim, I can tell you that once you have crossed that barrier with a woman it is going to take A LOT to build the trust up again. You will need to do what you said you would do and be very, very patient with her to come around...she is going to have to see that you have established new behaviors in your life. You definately need to get some help, because you have no business hitting a woman (and by the way, women don't like to hear a man minimalize the pain he caused...emotional, more than physical...by trying to justify that the slap was "not hard'...it doesn't matter..it only matters that you did it).

If you love her, you will wait for her to come around, while she is carefully watching everything you do and listening to everything you say....she is watching fro any sign that you will "revert." And if she doesn't come around, then you must let her go gracefully, learn from your mistake and not do this to the next woman you are with. If she does take you back, you can NEVER do it to her again, because then you have estlished a pattern of abuse and that means you don't deserve to be and shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone.

Answer 5

Well, you have got into a big mess alright.

Think from her side, I don’t think if you go on like this she will ever want to get back with you coz she doesn’t want to repeat her past.

Approach her and tell her how sorry you are and tell her that you are seeking help and want to change the person you are and be a better person just for her and more than anything, just prove that to her by sticking to your counseling etc. Maybe you are not an alcoholic but stop taking drinks for a while myt help you get rid of this moment, maybe just stick to light ones.

She is not able to trust you coz this is not the first time you have been abusive but is the first time you’ve hit her……………. you have no right to do that. She must be feeling disappointed in her.

Make her understand how truly sorry you are and seek also her help to get you out of this situation and your behaviour.

Sounds like you genuinely love her………….so commit your self. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

If I were your girl, I would think of breaking up with you. No girl like a violent boyfriend. You had a right decision to stop going to clubs and. I thnk there's a solution for you. Stop going to the club or you can limite the time you'' be in the club, don't drink because when you get drunk, you are unconscious and the worst things will happen again. If you don't want to lose her, find some way to improve yourself.To entertain, you can go to some park or go for a walk instead of a club. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sencerity, Reassurance , and Communication are all key here! You need to keep reassuring her about how bad you feel and how sorry you are, and more than that you should reassure her that it will never happen again. You should let her know how sencere you are about the situation and let her know that you understand how her past relationship waz. You need to learn how to communicate. Every time you have a problem and "shut down", it kills the relationship a little more each time. You need to learn how to explain yourself and problems to her without blaming her for everything. Good Communication iz one of the most important qualities a relationship can have aside from honestly, affection, and trust. Remember, Sencerity lets her know how sorry and understanding you are about the situation, Reassurance lets her know that you will never do it again and strive to make things even better than they were before, and Good Communication helps make all of thiz possible let alone bring you two closer together. Good luck.

Answer 8

You need to change keeping in view the fact that she already had an estranged relationship earlier. If you feel she is incredible I think she deserves to be respected and given the love and affection she desires. Mind it after all this she is still with you. The trust she imbibes in you can not be challenged but if you do not mend your ways, I think she might leave you and you would be repenting afterwards. Apologise to her and never ever raise hand on any girl. I think it is an act of cowardice.
You need to have patience and ensure that what you have done is not repeated.
I wish you continue your relationship with her as good pattners are rare these days.

Answer 9

Leave her alone! what kind of fool would slap his girlfriend after knowing she had an abusive relationship before???? being angry is not excuse for what you did!!

Answer 10

ok no problem, u speak to her how much u love her and how much u care for and also how much u feel for slapping her, and u also say that out of love only i behaved like that and u r too possesive of her. and hereafter do ever try to behave like that.