I slept with his best friend.?

Question

I have had a friend with benefits for about three months now, Jack. We have never discussed it being anything more than that. He works off and recently his best friend Joe and I have been hanging out with a group of our friends, not alone. Joe tried to kiss me about two weeks ago and I turned away just because i have been with his best friend...we talked about it and said that nothing could or should happen between us...but it did end up happening one night. Now that Jack is back in town he is referring to me as his girlfriend, which we have not discussed and I'm not sure I even want...should I tell him or just keep my mouth shut since we didnt really have any type of commitment to each other...I still feel guilty about being with his best friend to begin with though....

All the answers are great even the ones that in a rather nice way tell me not to be such a slut about it all.... But no I dont need counseling I'm fully aware of why I slept with Joe from a psychological point of view and it pretty much goes back to the fact that I just got out of a long term relationship within the last year and knew that Jack was heading that direction with this one and was too chickenshit to cut him off about it all. And yes the absolute worst part about all of this is I do not want me to affect their friendship. Unfortunately it is too late to shut the gate now. Not that it really makes a wrong any better but it has not happened since that one time and will not happen again. Joe is the type of guy you have fun with, not the one your planning on settling down with. I truly do like Jack but honestly don't think i'm ready to make a commitment to anyone...well that much is flamingly obvious...

Answer 1

You know, this is a tough one. I think you have to start with deciding what you want. Do you want Jack, or Joe, or both, or just to be left alone to get a little space? Do you want one of them some of the time and the other one the rest of the time?

Then the next thing you should do is prepare in your head what you will say to each of them ABOUT what you want. You don't necessarily need to "drop a bomb" on them, but I think they both know you are going to "have a talk" with them soon anyway.

I think you should be honest with them. Tell them what you want, and acknowledge that you realize there are some conflicts there and you're trying to sort them out. Ask them to be understanding.

There's a chance that one or both of them won't, though. If that's the case, then that tells you something about how possessive they might be / have been eventually... and it's a good lesson to learn BEFORE you get into it deeper. But keep in mind that the understanding one (or both) are cutting the other guy a LOT of slack in the relationship, and you may want to show your appreciation for that by not just walking all over him.

If there's love there -- true friendship or romantic love (not talking about just wanting to f---), it will probably involve some sacrifice, and a willingness to "let" you do what is right for you. See it for what it is. It's not selfish to want what you want. You should not feel guilty unless you are consciously mistreating someone.

Whether or not they're OK individually with your "terms", they are your terms, you have chosen to live by them, and that's just the way it goes.

And who knows -- you may find that you have two very good FWB's, which isn't so bad.

Peace

Answer 2

Firstly... 'friends with benefits' means exactly that... a friend with benefits- NO STRINGS ATTACHED= NO COMMITMENT!!! Therefore you could have had other friends with benefits and he wouldn't have the right to say you may not! Another thing... tell Jack that he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend so technically you aren't his gf, then tell him that you have enjoyed being his f.w.b. and sorry but are not wanting anything more. Only if it comes out that you and his best friend got together then say: 'well you and I weren't exactly bf and gf, therefore I had the right to. And quite honestly, do you really think Joe is his best friend if he (Joe) went behind his best friends back and got with you? Even if you and Jack were f.w.b, Joe should have got 'permission' from Jack. Hope you understand how Friends With Benefits works now. I was in the game for about 4years- throughout highschool (not sexually active of course) but was 'with' 2 friends at the 'same' time at one stage- obviously they both knew about eachother!- There were no misunderstandings, no fights and we were all friends. Hope this has helped you to know how to sort it all out! Next time, make sure those involved knows where they stand with you- it solves a lot of complications! Cheers.

Answer 3

First off, why are you sleeping around?? If you are not his girlfriend, you don't need to be sleeping with him or his best friend. What is wrong with the world?? What happened to love and commitment. Honey I think you have some self esteem issues you need to deal with before you have any kind of relationship with any man.. Let Jack know that you are not his girlfriend and get yourself some dignity!!! Don't you know that Joe knew you would give in?? Your doing his best friend with no commitment, why not him, why not the whole town...WAKE UP

Answer 4

Now do you see the problem with "friends with benefits"? You need to define what things are and what things aren't. If you fwb is just a f*ck buddy then tell him that. If you want f*ck buddies then you can't be all vague and not let them know what they really are or they'll pull stuff like this.
Are you sure that you're really mature enough to be having sex? You had a sex with a guy with whom you decided that you "couldn't and shouldn't" sleep with. You call "Jack" a fwb, which is sort of an immature idea anyway, but it seems like you have some sort of feelings for him (or him for you) which you (or he) can't express and now you're in some sort of sex thing/triangle/mess. Still think you're mature enough to have sex?
If you're over 18 then I'd suggest that you seek counseling.

Answer 5

Look at it this way, you have now messed up Joe's friendship with Jack, you have betrayed the one who trusted you and last but not least....you can't be trusted. Even if you keep your mouth shut, he will still find out from someone else. Hmmmm you should have kept your legs shut. Sorry but you will be the loser here.

Answer 6

i have lost a female friend for telling her that her boyfriend hit on me and uncovered his penis to me. not something occurred between us, of route, yet my female friend broke up with the guy yet went decrease back with him some days later and now they are married and that i have not spoken to her when you consider that :(. I actually have yet another female friend the position I realized of her then husband dishonest on her with another chick and that i did not tell her because i did not opt for to work out the discomfort in her eyes. I cried for her after I realized about it. of route, she ultimately got here upon out through some different person (i became there for her at the same time as she did and supported her through divorce) and we are nonetheless very close friends on the instantaneous. possibly issues are different with adult men yet from my adventure, i does not tell him each and every thing. i'd hint round it...yet maximum in all probability, your buddy will recognize that his female friend isn't being committed and ultimately, he will learn about your different buddy.

Answer 7

since you didn't have a committment there is no need to spill your guts. they probably set you up anyway so Jack already knows. i sure Jack is not volunteering who he's be doing since being out of town. what you need to be discussing is this "girlfriend" thing with him.

Answer 8

Let him know youre not shure about the "girlfriend thing and see what happens,if you tell him about joe you could possibly destroy their friendship.

Answer 9

You can choose who you sleep with. As for feeling guilty about sleeping with his best friend, why should you?. I mean, it's not like you two were dating or anything. Stop feeling blue and start embracing your feminity.

Answer 10

you should be honest with him, omission of truth is still a lie. tell him EVERYTHING. explain that you dont want to be his girlfriend and that you just wanted the extras of a relationship with out a relationship.