my son is 18. He is such a sweat, caring person. As far as who he is on the inside...i am so very proud of him. The problem is, he does not have a drivers license, a job, or a high school diploma. After struggling emotionally in school with depression and social anxiety, he dropped out. He doesnt go hardly anywhere and is on his computer most of the time. He seems happy though and i am happy that he isnt out doing drugs or getting in trouble. I think in time he will fine. My Boy friend however, thinks he is a lazy bum and i need make him get drivers license and job right now! I feel i should have gotten him into counseling or something but not that it is an excuse but i have four kids, work full time, and go to school full time.and have to do it to support my kids. Taking time out or forcing him to go hasnt been an option. My BF refers to him as a grown man...i see him as my little boy, struggling know but getting better. what do you all think?
2007-01-17 18:11:43 · 17 answers · asked by justme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I had the same problem, but my mom did take me to counseling and I ended up just getting extremly pissed off, and it wasn't pretty. I dropped out of school for the exact same reason and I'am about to get my ged. The only reason that I have a job right know is because my hobby is an expensive one, and I don't want to seem a burden to my mother since were having a little money issue right know. I believe that if you help him find something he like's, and then explain to him that he should pay for it himself if he really like's to do something, it make's it that much more special if he does it on his own. As for your bf, if he doesn't like your son being there, then tough luck, because he's your son, he has no authority to say such things, that's why your son is so deppressed. Because your letting some egnuramous say such thing's without stopping him, I say that if he doesn't respect your children first, he can go somewhere else, because no matter what, your children come first.
If you need any more advice, my email is anthonys152000 at yahoo.
2007-01-17 18:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by anthonys152000 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well from what I see you are in a fine pickle., no pun intended. I am in a relationship as well with someone who is not the mother of my kids, two. One of each. It's hard to see your child as a lazy bum, that does nothing but eat, sleep and be on the pc alll day. Your not alone. I somewhat agree with you BF only to a degree. Your son is at an age where he can contribute to the house. Yes, he did not finish school but he can go back and continue his studies, and go to work..at least part time. No real force is nessesary . He just needs to understand his and your options, him sitting around the house and doing nothing isn't one of them. I know as a parent that it is hard hearing it from someone that did not take part in your childs birth or conception. Its sometimes hard to see the other side, but there is one. To most you would not be hurting you 18 yr old son by having him get a job and contribute to the house. It will be a great opprotunity for him and you, a learning experience on both sides. you might want to even let your BF help in a way that lets him feel he is helping you at the same time. At the age of 18 he really should be out there working at some type of job. The drivers license is only a bonus for you, reemember.... no driving him when you already have a tight schedule. I really wish you luck on this, I also hope that you have an understand BF as well.
Good luck
2007-01-18 02:38:41 · answer #2 · answered by gord's360 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me 18 is still young. I wouldn't really say that he is a man, yes he is still a boy but not a little boy. You said that he had to go through depression and social anxiety, I hope he is over that or else you seriously need to get him counselled. Your Bf has no right to boot your kid out, unless all of you live in his house and he is the ONLY bread winner that is supporting you and your kids!
However, as a mother you should get him to do something rather than stare at the computer all day. If you don't help him now, when he is older and can't get a decent job and has to struggle through life, he will end up blaming you for not being there to push him. I know because till today I blame my mother for not giving me a better education and I had to educate myself later on in life so that I could have a comfortable life. But it was tough during my early years while I was working. As a parent, you have to push our kids for their own good. That is a parent's duty. What you need to ask yourself is, how sucessful do you want your son to be in life? Do you really want him to be last in line? You've got to start planning something for him soon. I can understand that you have to juggle between work and school but you've got to pioritise your time for your children as well. Are you planning for your son to be a proffessional hermit? He needs help and only you can help him out. I'm not saying that he has to get a job now. But spend time and coach him into it so that he will be ready to do it on his own when he decides to, like maybe in a year or so. You can give him some time but don't wait too long.
2007-01-18 02:47:57 · answer #3 · answered by Cream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as moms we all love our children but it does sound like he's really lazy. I understand the depression and anxiety (sounds just like my bro when he was in high school), but he does need to face facts that he is 18 and needs to be a little more independent. Maybe a few classes at a community college, getting his liscence, part time job? Even if he took baby steps to get there, but your bf is right he is a grown man and to know that his mom works soo hard to provide and he sits on the computer most of the time it's really quite disrespectful and it's not your bf's place to deal with this, you need to handle this before it comes between you and your boyfriend. Mybest friend just lost the love of her life over a very similar situation, her 18yr old deadbeat son that lived with them. Good luck, you're not a bad mom if you show him some tough love. Hang in there
2007-01-18 02:19:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been my experience that boyfriends/stepfathers do not like their wives sons in particular. They think that the boys have mommy wrapped around their finger. I know it's a sucky situation. I think that getting a drivers license is very important. Getting a job is too. After I dropped out my mom gave me the option of school full time or work full time and pay 200 dollars rent a month. It is time for your son to grow up but I totally agree that your boyfriends words and way of handeling things just makes it that much harder for the family to focus on what to do and how to handle this issue. It's not just his opinion that counts. He, like it or not needs to concidder everybody's thoughts on it.
2007-01-18 02:35:46 · answer #5 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not doing your son any favors. Sit down with him and say, I want you to have a plan for getting a job, a license and a diploma. I want to see regular progress. You have one week to decide what you're going to do and if you don't have a plan at the end of the week, I hope you have a place to stay elsewhere.
Also, frankly, if he's on the internet, I'd also plan on pulling your internet connection for a couple of weeks. Yes, it will penalize all of you, but if your son can't be on the computer, maybe he will at least get out of the house. Being on the computer can lead to depression!
2007-01-18 02:19:35 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has remained a little boy because you have not let him grow into a man. At 18, he should be either working or going to school, preferably the latter. Your excuse "at least he's not doing drugs" is absolutely pathetic. I wouldn't let my 12-yo spend his entire time in front of the computer, playing games. I know how difficult being a single mom can be, but you need to get him off his butt and out of the house, looking for work or for a way to get back into school.
2007-01-18 02:16:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boy friend should mind his business. Why are you allowing your b.f. to interfere with you and your son. Talk to your son. Maybe he needs counseling maybe something is bothering him. Maybe if you would have been around more often you would have had time to raise him up more responsible. Maybe if your b.f. helped you so that you can stay home more often rather than do so much to support your family then you would have quality time with your son to resolve the situation. It takes team work. Your b.f. is right he is a grown man. Stop seeing him as a little boy and maybe he will start acting like a responsible grown man. Good luck.
2007-01-18 02:32:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand that you see him with a mothers eyes and he will always be a little boy to you, but you are actually hurting him by allowing him to stay home all day and play on the computer...one of these days you won't be there to pay his way...he needs to do something...for his own sake...he can get a license and a job and that is the very best thing for him...if he needs help...get him to a doctor...but don't just let him set there and do nothing...he is wasting his life and will end up destroying yours...he is a grown man and need you to be strong and stop feeling so sorry for him..get him off his rear and do something..that is your duty as his mother...
2007-01-18 02:20:11 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, he is an adult and I suggest you start treating him as one. That's not to say you need to kick him out, but push him toward a life away from the computer. Do you really want him still living with you when he's 30 or would you prefer he have a job, and a family of his own?
2007-01-18 02:17:26 · answer #10 · answered by Gray 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋