not able to love?

Question

Growing up I didnt have the greatest childhood. My mother and father were always fighting(more of my moms fault i believe). They split when I was 10 years old. On a side note though I know they both love me very much. Especially my father, and my mom as well under her depression/anxieties. Today I live on my own, while I attend school. I consider myself to be a very kind, and caring person under my social anxiety. But, sometimes I question how truley I love my family and friends. Like I dont know how devastated I would be if they died. Maybe because we have just grown apart? I mean I have great respect for them and what not. I was just wondering this when I was contemplating finding a true love. Maybe my childhood made has made it hard for me to love. Whatever love is. I mean I tell my family I love them when I see them, but I dont know if it is real. I am considering seeking a professionals help. Any advice or wisdom in regards to this. Thanks alot- MIke

Answer 1

sometimes u dont really have to love ur family, liking them is good enough. what is more important than love (i feel) is respect, do u respect them, if u do then u dont have to worry about the not being or being devastated after they have died. dont touble ur mind with such thoughts because u cannot force ur mind to react to a situation that does not exist. u dont need professional becuase what u feel is normal, anyone in ur situation would feel the same. what u should work on making more meaning in ur life and stop fretting over the past. i know it is not easy to get over it but try u must and in time u will be healed. and when the time comes u will be able to love. all the best

Answer 2

I feel the same, although in my case, I know I don't love my parents. I was devastated when my dad died, not because I loved him, but because there was so much stuff between us that never got sorted and never will. You might want to look up information on 'attachment disorder'.

I think seeing a professional is a really good idea for you. If nothing else, it might help you figure out things more clearly.

Answer 3

I used to question if I really loved the people around me, then I met my husband who was emotionally abusive and further convinced me that I did not know how to love, which in turn created a robot slave for him- I left him, thank god, but anyway- I grew up with a very loving and stable house hold, so feeling like I did not know how to love made me feel even crazier- as time went on I realized just because I would not miss my loved ones when they die does not mean I love them less, I just understand we will be together again once I also die and go to heaven- I am sure I will be sad when they pass, but I can not see myself reacting like other people- it does not mean I am numb in any way, that is just me-

If you have depression because of your feelings, seering a professional might be wise, but if you are only questioning your self because of comparing your self with others... relax a little

Answer 4

Oh there is nothing wrong with not knowing what love is all about..You have had a bad experience in life about 2 people loving each other then turning around hating each other..Trust me if somthing happen to any of your family member it will hurt you..You might not know it right now how much you love that person til he or she is gone..by death...Then that is when it will hit you... If it don`t then you need to seek some professional help...Good Luck

Answer 5

When you have a troubled childhood, you always have fears that you are unable to love, but don't worry growing apart and not too sure how you feel about your family is very natural. You need closer on something, maybe you should talk to your parents and see what they say.

Answer 6

It would help to talk to a counselor about this. It sounds like you had it pretty tough growing up, and that may have led you to close yourself off as a defense mechanism. I don't necessarily believe that it may be hard for you to love. The fact that you are questioning yourself is proof that you don't want to face life alone. if you truly did, you would never have posted this question. I would encourage you to seek prefessional help. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You had a insecure childhood.Now get rid of old memories and do not think about the past. Regain confidence and live life on your own.As for parents, you will always love them.Be normal and friendly and you will find love....... Good luck.

Answer 8

you can love the problem is your smart enough to know that love is like anything else on this planet it's temporary!