I got dumped a month and a half ago... I tried to move on.. Dating other guys etc but it didn't help. I slowly got better and started to get my mind off of him by keeping myself busy.. But then I heard one of our old " songs" on the radio and since i've been a blundering mess. Will I ever get over this? I don't know what is wrong with me!
2007-01-17 13:43:47 · 21 answers · asked by LIZ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Think about him out having sex with other women...do you think he is siting in his room pining away about you? HELL NO, he is out banging anything he can get his hands on...think about what an a@@hole he is...he DUMPED YOU!!!!! He aint worried about you, move on
2007-01-17 13:49:20 · answer #1 · answered by AA 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well no you don't really get over it completely--you just learn to live with it.
It's completely normal--in fact if you do get over it completely that is not normal.
So no worries--eventually you'll not get all emotional when you hear a song or you see something else that will remind you of your past.
A month and a half is way too soon to not be getting really emotional about being dumped.
What you want to avoid is jumping right back in too soon--that can really mess you and the next guy up big time. If you are still crying over little things like songs it's too soon for you.
Get yourself really busy to keep your mind on other things--if you sit and stew about it your hurt will last a really long time.
Watch for depression too--you are no doubt depressed so seeing a pro might be something to consider if you aren't eating or sleeping right.
2007-01-17 21:57:27 · answer #2 · answered by Mr_B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Liz, have you never been through this before??
Here's how it works..
1) the feeling of loss.. part of you is missing.
2) the healing process begins...
- you remember all of the good things there were.
- since you are the breakee (opposed to breakor), there aren't any bad things (probably) so I can't say "remember why you broke up as well as the good times"...
3) In time, you will start to heal... the emotions morph one into another until you start feeling whole again...
- CAUTION... this process just takes time... the amount of time depends somewhat on your experience with it... WHAT YOU CAN'T DO IS MAKE A MOVE TOWARDS THE X!!! If you take one step towards them, you don't just take one or two steps back on the healing process... oh no... you get to start all over again at the beginning...
- Once you realize this, you will say "I'm not moving towards just because I'm not going through those emotions again!!!"
4) It does get better with time and healing..
- I don't recommend getting into another relationship until you have healed (you will know when that is)..
- I do recommend (when you're ready) going out and appreciating the attention you get, just don't jump too soon..
- sorry you have to experience this, good luck...
5) I don't know how long you were together, next time, don't commit your emotions until you know you can...
- gjm
2007-01-17 21:54:41 · answer #3 · answered by gjm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
part of what you must understand is how a guy works and when he dumped you you must realize he feel absolutely NOTHING about it.. he has moved on.... in fact when he dumped you it was all a matter of timing.. he had allready picked his shot and was just waiting for everything to work in his favor when he dumped you. Emotioanlly he was long ago disconnected so the break up was easy for him.
And their in lies the key...
you feel that some things were unsorted, unsaid... those thought of how could he ...I wasa good person.. and why doesn't he not want me still wander inside your head.. so much of your self validation was tied up in HIM.. and tha't where the fault lies.. because you never really learn to liek yourself FIRST before you every first dated.. so along comes what you thought was a good guy and validates you as a human in so many way.. which is why key items like a song for example tie you emotion of good feeling and therefore validation as a good person directly to him. And that's what makes you feel sad.. that you can't have this feeling from yourself.. it make you co dependant. It's the same thing alcoholics go through and why it's tough for them to break the habit, they do not liek themselves... the alcohol can validate them and make them feel better so the depedency locks in.
Until you learn to feel better ( and dating actually makes it worse ) about yourself, you really should be dating anyone until you truly like yourself. It's obvious when you do, and you do not have to lie to anyone about it. When a women loves herself she is extremely attractive for all the right reasons, men know it and women know it.. it will have men pursuing you and there will be no co dependancy.. a man will want obe with you for you and not for what he thinks he can get out of it.
good luck and good health
2007-01-17 21:56:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there myself and know what you mean about the song stirring things up again. Don't ever need someone so much that you forget that you are an individual and can survive without another person. Learn to love them without being addicted to the relationship. It will hurt alot less and save you some very deep emotional pain that is extremely hard to cope with and could affect your life and any future relationships.
2007-01-17 21:52:14 · answer #5 · answered by susan c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Liz, it is normal. Getting over a relationship is hard, your heart is broken, and it will take time to heal as you wont be able to love someone with a broken heart. As how can you give love when the love itself is not in a good condition to be given ?
Well I have that experience too, I got dumped by a girl. Someone I really love, at 1st month i remembered all the memories with her, there are many things that trigered that and as time passed by it became a sweet memory that we will cherish. I can get over it, you can too.
What I did is I give all of me to my God. My sadness, my burden, my soul, everything. I'm His and let His will be done to me. And I believe that He will give me the best.
God will not let a trial come to you if He thinks that you're not ready for it. So when a trial came to you, you can do it! and you can win it!
2007-01-17 21:52:43 · answer #6 · answered by Alastair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it sounds cliche but only time can heal a broken heart. you will get over your ex. . It all depends on the person you can take two day, you could take two months to get over him. it all depends on the person and the ex. Just curl up with a good tear jerker movie and a pint of ice cream and maybe one or two of your old songs. You'll feel better after a good cry everyone does.
2007-01-17 21:50:59 · answer #7 · answered by QuestionMark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Liz, I feel you pain as a former prez said. Oh gawd, I got dumped like a load of bricks by a gal i was surely in love with. I cried like a baby. I had to sit for hours with my best friend. I still feel the pain 15 years later. You must allow yourself to feel the pain and let it run for a while...its grieving. Sooner or later you will make the choice to go on. If only finding a partner/lover/mate was like going to Macy's. You could just pick one. I wish it was.
2007-01-17 21:49:21 · answer #8 · answered by Boatman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a normal emotional reaction. Just try not to romanticize it. The guy was a jerk, or he wouldn't have dumped you. The song makes you sad because it reminds you of what you wanted the relationship to be, but it really wasn't. Don't worry, there is a good guy out there. They aren't easy to find, but love comes to those who are patient.
2007-01-17 21:52:10 · answer #9 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a broken heart takes a long time to heal, just be patient, when the time is right things will start looking up again, breaking up is hard tyo do, this is coming from a mans point of veiw, and can honestly say that I have taken as long as three years to get over a breakup, but the healing does come, just cherish your memories for what they are.
2007-01-17 22:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by Thom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are experiencing what alcoholics and substance users do as well as some people suffering from PTSD, the song or a familuar place can "trigger" memories, try to relook back on the relationship and see the positive of the break up and avoid the old songs and places it will get better!!
2007-01-17 21:50:10 · answer #11 · answered by Chris 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋