what is the proper thing to say to a friend whose mother just passed away?

Question

I am foreign to this western society, your advice will be helpful and appreciated. tks

Answer 1

If she's your friend, say anything sincere and honest you like. It will be appreciated.
The usual things to say are maybe:
I was sorry to hear of your loss. If there is anything I can do to help at this time, let me know.

Answer 2

Ignore some of the answers here. The polite and caring thing is to acknowledge that you know about the situation and that you are sorry that they have a lost of someone so near and dear to them. Most of us say "I head about the death of your mother, I am so sorry. I know that this is a difficult time for you. If there is anything that I can do for you please let me know." And if the person is a close friend allow them to talk about it if I want to but do not push them to talk. Again if a close friend it might be good after the first few days or a week, to invite them out to do something that you know they like, such as a movie, or dinner, etc. or even to just come over to your place or you to theirs for socializing, watching TV together, etc., so they are not alone. Losing a mother is one of the hardest deaths to endure. Even if a person did not get along well with their mother, it is one of the worst loses. The only thing worse is the death of their own child.

I am not a cook. But as the others here said it is customary for those who do cook to bring a dish to the family. Also even if I am going to the funeral I will send a sympathy card or if someone very close to me and I can afford it I also send flowers to the funeral home. Flowers cost a lot so often two or three or a group of people go in on it. When my mother died my friend sent a nice plant to my home.

Answer 3

Tell her that you are very sorry to hear of the loss of her mother. Let her know that you understand that this may be a very difficult time for her and that you truly wish to be of ANY help she might need. (only say that part if it is true!) Even more important, after the funeral, and whatever else the family does to grieve, etc., check in with your friend and see how she is doing then. Oftentimes, family members need the real support after everyone else has gone home, and they are left alone to grieve. It is customary here for friends to drop by with food to help the grieving family not have to deal with everyday matters during this trying time. Cool that you are asking!

Answer 4

As so many others have pointed out, the proper words are along the lines of

"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss."

"I was so sorry to hear about your mother."

With an optional, "if there's anything you need from me, please let me know."

If you're very close, you can suggest specific things to do (bring her food, help with the inevitable tasks such as informing people or making arrangements, or manning the door or phone when she needs a break).

Although I agree with those who've said to listen to your friend, I agree provisionally.

People deal with grief in many different ways.

Also, she may have others that she talks to. (It isn't clear how close you are from your question.)

So don't try to force her to talk. But, if she needs to, it's a kindness to listen.

If you've experienced a similar loss, it's good to let your friend know that, but only if you aren't trying to trump their loss, or suggest you know EXACTLY how they feel.

"I lost [whoever] several years ago, so I understand something of what you're going through." (But if your friend argues, don't argue back.)

In such times, those who have had this experience can be especially good to talk to.

If you haven't had any such experience, then acknowledging that, and that you realize you DON'T know what they're going through is also good. (I know I appreciated the friend who said something like this.)

But if you're just looking for the proper formal thing to say "I'm so sorry. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you." is it.

In this society, a lot of people seem to believe that people should quickly "get over" such huge things, or they try to "put a good spin" on them.

Your friend is probably getting all sorts of such inappropriate comments and suggestions.

He or she will appreciate the simple, basic acknowledgment of her grief.

Whatever society you're from, we all feel roughly the same over such a huge event. If you haven't had such an experience yourself, try to imagine it. This will help you realize you can't.

Answer 5

I always make a heat and serve type of dish (mourning people do not always want to or remember to eat or cook), bring it to your friends house. Tell her how sorry you are for her loss, and that if she needs anything at all you will be there. Even if she just wants to cry. Just listen to her cry. Now is a time to be less of a talker, and more of a listener. Perhaps you and your other friends can take turns going over to help with laundry, animal care or whatever until she feels more like herself again.

Answer 6

I am sorry to read of your friend's loss. I was taught this:

Buy a Sympathy Card along with a Floral Arrangement or a Plant and usually if you can afford it, $50 is placed in the card to help them financially...and it can range from $20-$100, whatever you can afford.


What you state in the card is based on what you know of that person and that person's loved one, such as:

"Although your Mother may not be with you physically, never forget that her spirit will always be here looking over you."

or

"I just wanted you to know that I am here for you my friend. Should you need a shoulder to cry on, to vent your pain, or to just listen to your thoughts, I am here for you."

or

"I am unsure of what to say, so I will let my heart guide me....(and this is where you include in your thoughts of your friend or the loved one who passed on)

Usually, if you take your time and search within the card section, you can normally pick out a card that says all that you may feel and just sign it saying:

"My thoughts are with you and your Family...Take Care..."

Stay sweet and my extended condolences to your dear friend and family, during their time of sorrow...Take care...

Answer 7

If you are with them in person the no words but a comforting hug and a listening ear is all they may need.

Answer 8

You can say, "I'm so sorry for your loss." Give him/her a hug. Let them know you're there for them for emotional support, a shoulder to cry on.

Answer 9

I sorry, I bet she was a wonderful women, if yo want to talk at anytime let me know, and give her a hug.

Answer 10

well i wouldnt know what to say at first but it would be nice to let the person know you care and maybe say "im soo sorry to hear that! want to talk about it?" or ask them if you can go to there house to be there for the person