My 80 yr. old Mother has several cancerous tumors and is quite adamant about avoiding surgery at all costs.?

Question

I understand this. I think I will feel the same way when it's my turn to face it, but I am concerned about her changing her mind midway along in her treatment. What would she (we as a family) be faced with? What would the options be? How long does she have left with these decisions she has made? She is not saying...... Is this something I should butt in and talk to her Doctor about? She is competent and completely in charge of and taking care of all her own healthcare arrangements. Should I keep out of it?

Answer 1

I feel for you and your family at this sorrowful time. My Aunt Dorothy was the same way a few years ago. She was 83, the cancer had returned, and she was competent enough to say "enough is enough." She made her plans, and informed her children of her decisions and asked them to honor her decisions. In her remaining time, she planned her funeral down to the last detail, wrote her own obituary, and even planned her own wake! Did I mention she was something of a control freak? All the same, I miss her an all the wonderful events she planned!

If your mother is still competent and in full possession of her mental capacities, then it is up to her to make her final decisions. I know how hoard this must be for you, and I would be devastated if it were my own mother or father (who are 72 and 73, respectively). I just said a small prayer for you and your family, that the Lord lift you up and hold you in His hands in this time of sorrow. I pray that He will give you all the wisdom and courage to get through all of this, and to accept whatever decisions are made. God bless you all.

Answer 2

Because of the nature of malignant tumors, bleeding is very hard to control whether it's a breast tumor on a dog or skin cancer on a cat's nose. Please check with your vet, or a second vet, or a vet school to get an opinion: (1) can the tumor be removed (2) what's the likelihood of it returning in a short time (3) what's the likelihood that the cancer has spread to other organs. Based on the answers you can decide if her quality of life (and yours) is compromised by the messiness and make a decision to treat (which can be very expensive) or make the hard decision to euthanize. I've dealt with several old, and some young, pets with cancer. One 6 year old Newf ***** had a lump the size of a peanut on one breast. It bled and oozed clear fluid so I took her to Cornell. When they did the surgery, they found it had already spread to her abdominal tissues and said that she'd be dead within 3 months, so I let her go without waking her up. I don't believe in chemotherapy for animals.Dogs have almost the same rate of carcinoma as humans, but they don't get primary lung cancer from smoking, they get it when cancer spreads from somewhere else. This is a hard decision to make on your part and I'm sure you'll make the right one.

Answer 3

Talk with your mother, and her doctors, about your concerns. As you said, she is competent and has made her decisions. You should not try to change her mind, but simply understand, and let her know you will be there when she needs you.
Ask the doctor if there is a Hospice Care organization in your community. This organization provides services for patients who have decided against treatment, in the final months of their lives. Some have a residence facility and others offer at-home assistance to patients and family. The people from the Hospice group can answer many of your questions as well,

About 20 years ago one of the hospitals here in Northeast Wisconsin began a hospice program. Today all three hospitals in town have combined their resources and experience to provide a wonderful program. I know, my extended family has made use of their services a few times. To give you some idea of what Hospice Care is, I have provided a link below.

I wish you and your mother well. Let her know you love her, that you care, and that you will respect AND support her decisions.

Answer 4

First off you should be taking care of yourself to lower your risks of cancer, and I hope your family doesn't have a history. The hell of it is if people are in their right mind they have the right to make their own decisions. Since I don't really know your situation and take your word money isn't a factor I'd say at some point your going to have to respect her decision. Now is the time to make any peace with your mother that needs being made, resolve the issues that need resolving. I honestly hope your mom isn't doing this to avoid being percieved as helpless. if the cancer isn't terminal and there's a chance it can be reversed I'd say keep expressing your concern but always be ready to accept what she wants. I also hope that since she is handling her own care she isn't going to be any burden on you, I have experience with this as well and know how tough it is to care for someone. So, to recap: keep showing concern but respect what she wants. You might also want to make sure she has a living will made so that HER wishes are carried out. Do this for yourself as well, don't let the christain self righteous decide what happens with your life.PEACE and GOOD LUCKOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vin

Answer 5

Her doctor won't give you information without her permission if you're in the USA. It's called doctor patient priviledge.

All you can do is talk to her, tell her how concerned you and that you'd really just like to know what's going on. If she's as competent as you say, you have no right to butt in. You have to accept her decisions. And if that means not filling you in on details, you'll have to accept that and just try to help out in any way you can and that she will let you.

Answer 6

I understand how you feel. My father in law recently passed due to Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am sorry about your situation. There are so many elderly people that believe if you open it up and the air gets to it that it will spead like wildfire. Even so, she must do whatever she is comfortable with. If she feels that she has lead a full and pleasant life and wants to live the rest of her days in peace with her family, that is her choice. Trust her to make her own choices. She has, after all, been making them for the last 80 years. Best to you!

Answer 7

No!!! please please don't stay out of it....it is your Mom and she needs you even on the days she says she doesn't...that said,
the most important thing now is to allow your mom to express her feelings whatever the may be and even if you don't agree you need to reassure and most importantly support her feelings and thoughts yet don't pry as to the where when why of her situation or treatment.If she does want you to know she will tell you, let her feel as if she can share her treatment plan with your support... just open a dialog with her "i care about you mom and want you to have the best and do what is right for you, can we talk about treatment, would it help or would you want me to go with you?" Don't go behind her back plus you couldn't anyhow HIPPA laws prohibit discussing treatment unless the patient signs a release.

Answer 8

my mother goes every 4 months to be cheched out ok. each time this is a bit of a trial.ok. good news this time . ok. now wait and see . at the moment life goes on.. take care.. ps two counts of surgery < both worked out. my mother is 80.

Answer 9

Ask the doctor whatever you want to.If surgery looks promising,,Id reconcider. Sometimes,,it may be better left alone & sometimes not. Good luck & take care.

Answer 10

you know what, i as a daughter love my parents and if they ever have problems like this i would be the first to butt in!!!!!! it's hard to see our parents suffer and if the surgery is necessary and will improve your mothers condition then u should definitely take some action and talk to her doctors!! this kind of problem should not be avoided for too long!! so please do something about it!!!!!!!!! and wish the best of health for ur mom!!!!!!! good luck :)