Ive recently came to my conclusion Im an Atheisic leaning Agnostic. My wife is Born again should I tell her?

Question

Weve been married 4 years and at the time I considered my self A Christian. I felt I needed to hurry and affix myself that label and the church has its ways to really make you think you beleive. Now I feel Ive changed, Ive grown but my wife has no idea, and I just hide it and go along with it even though it now seems like witchcraft to me. I cant even have a conversation without God being mentioned every 5 minutes. Should I tell her at the risk of her divorcing me because were no longer equaly yoked?
Or should I keep it inside and go with the flow so I dont ruin my marriage which is what I fear will happen. I would like her to see why Ive changed my views but I never think it would be possible for her to honestly see how and why I think this way or change her views. Its like when I hit 30 my mind really wanted to explore the world and religions and I was able to come to my own personal conclusion based on fact finding and research, she is 40 and Im afraid set in her ways plz

And how would I tell her?
please serious answers only no prothletizing me.
My wife is HEAVILY steeped in her faith, she clung to it after a bad breakup 10 years ago. I can commuicate with her on almost anything she is like my best friend but unfortunately I am afraid to touch this topic with her, you must try to understand how a very religious Christian thinks she thinks her way is the only way and I dont have any less respect for her because of it. I just lost faith after my own personal research and feelings. Im worried She may think less of me or that Im a lost soul or something, in her eyes it could unravel everything, although in mine I can deal with it because I love her. I dont want divorce

Answer 1

I sympathize with you, and totally understand how the christian mind thinks...I grew up in a christian household ("judgemental thinking, hell and damnation, our way is the only way thinking), but knew that it never quite fit or felt "right" to me. Anyway, your marriage "is" going to take a "hit" for your new found spirituality ...... but..you must tell her now...the sooner you start to mention how you really feel about the new creature that you are becoming, the better. If you keep limiting yourself to exposure from only the christian way of life, (hearing about all of the christian teaching and speakings), and feel that you can not share with her, your true self...YOU WILL become bitter, and this will start to break down the marriage. I started following my spiritual path when I was in my early 40's outwardly and triumphantly..... and pay for it sometimes, but it is well worth it...you must live your truth....sometimes people and circumstances "change" in a marriage, people grow and some even become more enlightened.........
good luck
blessed be

Answer 2

Dear friend, I empathize with your situation, and feel the deep love you have for your wife. Do you perhaps think that on some level, she may already suspect that you really are NOT a true believer? I always am and always will be a firm advocate of truthful communication between spouses. I am a Christian, and my sweet husband is not; but I got saved after we were married. Do I love him any LESS? Absolutely NOT! As a matter of fact, I am more in love with him than when we first met. Jesus tends to give us the capacity to love beyond our wildest expectations, and I'm sure it's this way with your wife, as well. After all, she didn't only marry you because she THOUGHT you were saved, right? You had other things you loved about each other and shared a bond together in many other ways. Talk to her. friend. Trust the love you share. And may God Bless you both!

P.S. Please do not let anyone confuse you. Baptism does not save a person from hell. I'm not trying to be unkind, only honest. It's the faith and trust in Jesus Christ that saves, not getting wet. I'm telling you this so that you have factual information and if you do decide to remain on the path you currently are on, you will not be lead falsely to believe to expect to spend eternity in Heaven while all the while be on the road towards an eternity, well you can put two and two together. I truly DO care very much about you; I only added this on when I saw other posters had given you misinformation. I believe in honesty, even if it sometimes sounds unpleasant. Sorry. Really not trying to be unkind.

Answer 3

No one in the universe lives without secrets. If this one is too great for you to bear in silence, seek expert advice (not on religion, but on the relationship you hold so dear) and be clear about your options. My personal choice for me would be total honesty, a choice for which I have paid dearly in the past. I don't think you should burst forth with the truth until you are sure how you want to express it and you are ready for all possible outcomes. If you'd like to get some spiritual advice without fear of being judged, you might try a Unitarian minister or a Quaker elder (of the silent tradition). Unitarians are sometimes Christians and Quakers usually are. Both these faiths find truth seeking more important than a set of defined beliefs. (Quakers and Unitarians feel free to chime in and correct me.) Or a good psychologist may be a better choice for you. If you are ready to move forward without further input, perhaps you could begin a dialog by asking a simple question. "How can we ever know that God really exists?" In this way, you can at least start talking about your doubts. I recently heard a word that is not as loaded as atheist or agnostic. It is "nontheist." Look it up. Study it. Maybe it will be as easy as saying, "I'm beginning to wonder if I'm a nontheist."

Answer 4

My in laws are very deep into their faith and I am not. I did the same thing you did but I've never been christian and only said I was for my husbands sake. Now I feel the same way, like it's unnatural to go to church and I feel horrible everytime they bring up faith because mine is so radically different from theirs. My husband is christian but he knows how I feel and he respects that. I'm working up to telling the in laws about my views but as they are set in their ways I don't want to upset them too much.

Your married to her though, and with marriage comes honesty. Be straight forward but at the same time make sure you are very clear that you love that she has so much faith, that she has that to lean on. Make sure she knows you respect her views and that you don't want this to be a source of constant bickering while at the same time that you are also entitled to your own beliefs and right now your are searching for what that is exactly. It's not going to be easy, and she more than likely will get upset but if she loves you, divorce won't be an issue.

Answer 5

i think you should share everything that is really YOU with your wife. it might be good to review your marriage vows before you begin this conversation, discussing what each one means to each of you.

i know of a very loving and successfully married couple whereby the wife was strongly catholic and her husband, even before they met, had decided that his catholic upbringing and the scripture made no sense to him. she died, sadly, when their only child was 8 years old. she used to take him to catholic church. he had his first communion. the widower keeps his wife's crucifixes and crosses and pictures all around the house as he honored and loved her completely, though they had different viewpoints.

i do not think that your new viewpoint, if you stress why you feel it, will make her not love you as her husband anymore. that's why i think you should discuss your marriage vows before you get into this. you should go somewhere alone, and talk it out. if you want, if your views are based on science, on scientific fact and you know the internet, bring along a laptop and show her articles that you've read, which have made you reconsider how you believe. i appreciate how you state what happened to you before you got married and i think you should even show her your (this) question.

i think that your feelings and opinions about religion are entirely equal. you do not have to believe exactly the same thing to have a viable and loving marital life. she is supposed to stand by you and you by her no matter what happens, no matter how either one of you change. think about how you would feel if she were to go entirely insane and destroy your house. what she did would not conform to her born-again christian beliefs, but then again, she would have been mentally ill when that happened, yes? well, you swore to stand by her and to be with her in sickness and in health, correct? and she swore the same vows to you, therefore, she should respect you for having your own mind, your own beliefs. make sure you tell her that she does not have to agree with them. and tell her again how much you love her.

the discussions that i see here about god are very interesting. but i myself am quite scientific. yet, do you know that of all scientific disciplines, that astronomers and physicists believe more in god than do chemists, psychologists and biologists, etc.? why don't you think about the wonder that is universe, that which nobody can explain. even if scientifically you believe in the big bang theory, where did the space and hydrogen atoms come from? it's way, way amazing. in that way, you probably do have a belief in god, just not in her manner.

i wish that you grow old together with much dual respect for one another and a real lot of love.

Answer 6

There is an atheist forum, iidb.org that could really help you out. I've read quite a few threads over there dealing with this very thing. I think the threads are in the secular lifestyle section. Go sign up and restate what you said here to get some thoughtful responses.

Answer 7

Think it through. Whats going to happen if you tell her? She is immediately going to try to "save" you, right? I think you have enough imagination to take it from there.

On the other hand, you could just keep quiet and live a lie for the rest of your life. I'm sorry, dude, but those are your choices. You need to do some heavy duty soul-searching and come to a decision. There's no other way around it.

Answer 8

If she's Christian, really Christian, she won't divorce you - it's against the Bible. If she loves you, she will listen. Don't we listen to the ones we love? Tell her you want to speak with her. Tell her you've thought about it, and you think that you believe something differently than you did. Tell her how you came to this conclusion. Tell her you want to be open with her about it. There is no reason that you should have to suffer listening to her bring up 'Father God' and 'Brother Jesus' every five minutes. It's your marriage too. Speak to her rationally, and lovingly. You are still her husband, and she still loves you - she needs to remember that first and foremost.

Answer 9

Tell her. If your realtionship means more to her then ramblings of ancient goat herders, she will recognize the love, and will want to stay with you.

If not, then it would be better then living a lie.

Maybe you should start by expressing your interest in information that you have learned which contradicts christian belief. I.e. evolution, age of the earth, big-bang, etc.

It is better to slowly get the point across, then just drop the whole thing in her lap.

Answer 10

Actually, I don;t believe in atheist, but here is what the word says about it:

:
1 Cor 7:12-16
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

If you really love her then stick with her.