How can I get my boyfriend's cat to be friendlier?

Question

My boyfriend got a cat, Ginger, a few months before we met, so I'm sure the cat is jealous that I'm in the picture now. Ginger used to be socialized before he got her, but now she's only used to him and doesn't like other people much. I have a dog who adores my boyfriend and likes to play with the cat. Sometimes Ginger will run away from or scratch my dog when she tries to play, and other times Ginger will scratch/swat my dog as my dog is walking by.

Also, very rarely, Ginger will allow me to pet her and will purr. Most of the time she recoils or leaves the room when I'm there. She sucks up to my boyfriend even when she's been a brat and clawed my dog or me. My boyfriend tries to be fair but usually blames my dog more because she's bigger.

I love animals, but this cat drives me nuts. I swear she's bipolar. I'm sure she can sense now that I don't like her, but I still make an effort. Anything I can do?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months, so this is nothing new.

Answer 1

She probably doesn't like you because you brought the dog, and she feels threatened by the dog.

Just give that cat time, she will get used to you guys

Answer 2

As others said, she might be holding something against you because you brought your dog with you.

Cats are EXTREMELY territorial creatures. It takes a great amount of time, sometimes even 6 months or more for a cat to get used to the idea of an intruder, and even then, they might just tolerate it - not reciprocate affection.

Since she seems to let you pet her at times, I would stop bringing your dog. While purring is thought to mean cats are content, they can sometimes purr for other reasons, so keep that in mind.

If you want her to like you and your dog, introduce yourself first. Remember that you are intruding in her "zone" and that its unlikely shes angry because you're with her "daddy", but angry because she's receiving LESS attention then when you're not around.

Encourage your boyfriend to try and act as he normally would if you were not there. Sit together on the couch, and if he would normally have her in his lap, keep her in his lap.

Gradually she will learn that you are not stealing attention; while she is learning this, be sure to also give her positive attention. If she doesn't seem to like being pet, keep talking to her positively and pet sparingly - i.e., don't try to pick her up...lol

Later, when shes comfortable with you, try bringing in the dog - only let them "meet" - DONT let him run around HER HOUSE!!
She'll hate it!

Cats are like children. Prepare to be a stepmom; it may seem silly, but those are the approaches that really work.

Goodluck!

Answer 3

If Ginger had fingers instead of retractable claws, you'd see her showing you the middle one twice -- once vertically, and a second time horizontally.

If Ginger could speak English, you could ask her about this. You might, for instance, say "I understand about the vertical finger, but why the horizontal one?"

Ginger would answer, "That means I don't like your dog, either."

You may just be hosed as far as Ginger is concerned, especially because your sense of things is correct -- she CAN sense that you don't like her, and almost certainly returns the emotion.

However, there may be something you can do. It's an invention of my wife's, which she calls "Nice Kitty Time."

Here's how "Nice Kitty Time" works: you and your boyfriend need to be in the room with Ginger and without the dog (temporarily). Your boyfriend needs to calm Ginger and stroke her gently while saying "Nice kitty, nice kitty" in a reassuring voice. Then you join him, stroking Ginger in a comforting way and saying "Nice kitty" over and over.

Do this every day or so for a couple of weeks. Doesn't have to be for a LONG time -- five, ten minutes at a stretch, but do it nearly every day for a few weeks. Eventually, Ginger will associate you with "Nice Kitty Time" and she will be friendly to you at other times of the day.

The other key to interacting with cats: you must ALWAYS be the one to break off the interaction first. If you're stroking the cat, stop when the cat is at her happiest, give a cheerful "That's all!" and walk away. This leaves the cat with the feeling of wanting more, of associating you with a feeling of yearning for happiness. If you wait until the cat decides it has had enough, the cat will associate you with a feeling of annoyance. Always break it off first.

And finally: Do NOT fall into the trap of being the one who feeds Ginger. This will only tell Ginger that you are The Chump Who Gives Me Food. At least this is what my wife says, and in our house she IS that chump, at least as far as the cats are concerned. Once a cat pegs you as The Chump Who Gives Me Food, it's all over; the cat has established dominance over you and you will spend the rest of your relationship with that cat opening cans of cat food and getting confused, detached looks if you attempt to interact with the cat in a friendly or intimate manner.

I've included a link to a picture of our cat Chihiro getting "Nice Kitty Time," along with a little information about the cat and why my wife came up with "Nice Kitty Time" for her. It's working great; Chihiro has gone from a frightened, abused little thing (the story tells more about why) to a friendly, cheerful little creature who's almost always up for a cuddle and a loud, rattle-the-windows purr.

Answer 4

She's probably overwhelmed by having to get used to you and the dog. Maybe go over there without the dog for a while until she's comfortable with you, then bring the dog. It is very upsetting to a cat to have anything change in their environment. It sounds like she's intimidated by the dog, probably because it's bigger than her and may not understand that the cat will not always want to play.

Answer 5

Buy a wool bundle and spend time playing with the cat, the cat has to get your confidence, its like humans it takes a long time to earn friendship. Have fun, also by speaking in a cute way cats respond very well

Answer 6

oh how I can relate, my cat absolutly hates anyone who comes to visit, they can look at her, but don,t even try to touch her, I think because it,s been me & her for so long. My suggestion is just ignore the cat, if she comes around, great, if not, oh well. Cats are testier than dogs, good luck.

Answer 7

Totally ignore the cat. They love attention it will drive her crazy if you suddenly ignore her. As for the dog he will figure it out.

Answer 8

just ignore her completely, & keep your dog away from her.
she probabley feels threatened by the dog, & if you take an active part in keeping your dog away from her, she'll start to feel safe again.

Answer 9

put her in a tree and don't let her down.