WHY do women try & get pregnant when their situation REALLY isn't conducive to raising a child???!!!???

Question

for example, they're 16 yr old illegal immigrants with no education and no money and the father to be is going to jail? or they have little commitment from their *boyfriend* of some-odd years (who has multiple children from multiply women) and already have a 3 month old by him?

i really don't get it! why would they want to bring a child into those situations? i understand wanting a child badly, i've wanted a kid since i was 18 or so, but i've waited until i can actually RAISE one in a STABLE environment before even getting off birth control-which i JUST did this week--and i'm almost 28!!

can someone explain why these people are like this? or do they make all of us responsible adults shake our heads in disbelief?

like i said, i understand all about wanting to be a mom, i've wanted to all my life, at 18 i KNEW i had to be a mom someday, but i've been waiting almost 10 years-- why can't they wait?
and why do they think a baby will make anything better when they're ina bad situation???

kids won't love them no matter what. just wait tell they grow up!
i KNOW, my mom started havin kids when she was 16 and neither me nor my brother can STAND her!!! she NEVER grew up! she's still just a self-centered teenager in a 45 yr old's body
pretty much the same with my husband, he tries to never speak to his mom cuz she cusses him out

i'm not talking accidents, i'm talking PLANNING to get pregnant at 14 or 16 !
their CHOICE is the problem. i'm not even saying that they would be terible at it, but if just shows that they lack self-sacrifice already, how will they be when they are mothers? it's scary!

and i'm sorry, i'm pretty sure i'll be a better mom at 28 than any 16 yr old, i've been studying up on it for a long time since that was the closest thing i could responsibly do to motherhood.

and i went thru the whole unhappy marriage to a drunk thing, i stayed on the pill & changed my situation.

(my illegal immigrant example is based on an actual person here on Y!A-- it was meant specifically not generally)

I JUST WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR- the issue here is that they are TRYING to get pregnant! they are PLANNING to have a baby at 14, 16, whatever, too young, too unstable and yet they are DELIBERATELY trying to bring a child into that situation.

i understand that teens get pregnant on accident and they deal with it, quite wonderfully at times. and i commend those mothers who stepped up to take responsibility. but how many of you PLANNED it? and how many of you think it was really in the best interest of the child if you did?

TAWNYA J & OTHERS-

TAWNYA J & OTHER teen moms-
i am talking about PLANNING TO GET PREGNANT AT 16
i commend you for taking care of your unplanned children, i know it happens, i don't judge you for it !
what i think is wrong is for a kid to do everything she can to GET pregnant at that age! i've even heard of girls not liking sex but doing it all the time just to get pregnant!

people apparently can't read or they don't care to.
for the umpteenth time,

I'M TALKING ABOUT THOSE WHO DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO GET PREGNANT

NOT GIRLS WHO ACCIDENTALLY GET PREGNANT

I'M TALKING ABOUT WOMEN/ YOUNG GIRLS WHO PURPOSELY *get*pregnant* WHEN THEY CANNNOT TAKE CARE OF A BABY, regardless of age-- SITUATION

Answer 1

I think some girls equate motherhood with being in control and being the one that makes the decisions. I know that my mother was 16 when I was born and all she could think of at that time was getting away from the difficult situation she was in with her parents (by marrying someone to take her away from it) and showing her parents how it should be done, by having her own children. Seldom do the 16 year olds really know what they are getting themselves into, but I think this is often the motivation.

Peace!

PS - it was my mother's plan. She did it on purpose. It was a way out of a difficult situation. Of course at that age she could not really understand that it was going from one difficult situation to another, but that is what she thought. I am now almost 40 and my mother and I are the best of friends - the small age gap between us has been a blessing for us - and she has said again and again that our close friendship is the one thing that has made a lot of the pain in her life bearable.

The bottom line is you will never understand those women unless you can walk in their shoes - and it is a hard hard road they walk. The rest of us can count ourselves lucky that we never needed to make that choice.

PPS - you say it yourself you "are pretty sure you will be a better mother". We all are. It's very easy from the vantage point of the not yet mother to say that. It is easy to read the books and prepare. We have no idea how hard it is to be a parent until we are one - and we must be as kind as we can to and about others if we expect them to be the same for us in our hardest hour.

Answer 2

Sometimes women think that the only way to keep a man or the only way to be loved is to have a baby by a man who they believe they love.I'm pretty sure that after the excitement, of being pregnant, subsides the women become very depressed. Wouldn't you be upset if you were the only person you knew who wanted the baby to be born? In rare cases the female realizes the mistakes that they have made and make choices to give there child a life of love instead of a life of not being wanted by there father.

Answer 3

I know!!! I don't understand it either.

They are just waaay too young and immature to have any understanding of the commitment and work involved in raising a child.

They have this romanticized vision of being a "Mommy" in their heads, playing dress up with real live cute little baby dolls. They never consider illnesses, late night feedings, endless diaper changing, loss of freedom, loss of opportunities, loss of youth.

Even something as simple as a grocery shopping expedition become exponentially more complex when you have a baby to lug along.

They have some idealized vision of a happy 50's family and they'll get married and have a home and be a happy little homemaker, never realizing that these boys have NO interest in that and even if they do, they are just a clueless as the girls.

They have no understanding how crucial it is to get an education in order to have a future in which they can afford to have this lovely dream.

The reality of living in a stink-hole apartment (IF you're lucky) or more likely with your parents, still under their rules and collecting a minimal amount of welfare, food-stamps and whatever, never enters their mind either.

It's an epidemic and they need to start being educated on the FACTS of life at a much younger age. Not just being lectured to in highschool about abstinence.

I am 37 and am JUST NOW feeling ready in other areas of my life (financially, career, relationship, emotionally) to start a family.

Answer 4

To answer your question, these girls are inmature and selfish. They know having a baby will get them all kinds of WIC, welfare, child support (for some), food stamps, government housing, etc. OR they will just stay home and live off of their parents.

of course, there are a few teens that get pg and live up to their responsibilities.

But IMHO, there is no such thing as an *accidental* pregnancy. (except in cases of rape)
If you have sex, you can get pregnant. IT IS THAT SIMPLE!

and get a clue girls, it isn't an accident the next 7 times it happens!!! Birth control works if you use it. If one kind doesn't work, use a different kind and use another kind for back up.
and abstinance works 100%!

Answer 5

WHy does it matter? Just because your 28 and trying to be a mom doesnt make you any better at parenting then it does a 16 year old. There is always going to be something to learn..and most people do hit postpartum pretty bad...Bad things happen sometimes to girls who are 14 and 16 and sometimes they do end up pregnant..but that doesnt mean they dont love there children and bust there butts to support them...even if its in a fastfood place...they try to get by just like anyone else. Even if you have a husband and your finacially stable doesnt mean its always going to be that way. Just because your married it doesnt mean that you have anymore then they do. Y ou could be extremly unhappy in your marriage and get pre3gnant your husband could be a drunk...he might not work...he could be on drugs...he might even mess around with other girls...Just because your older...and you have a little m ore commen sense doesnt make it right...shake your head in disbelief but not all underage people are bad parents...we love to spend time with our kids and cherish the little things they do. We take pride in flipping that burger for 6.25 an hour so they can have a brand new pair of shoes...yeah we chose a harder life but we deal with it...so shake your head somewhere else....cause i bust my butt for what i got.

Answer 6

I guess some girls feel that getting pregnant is their solution to leave the house. They feel that life at home with mom and dad is so bad that they have to go out and get themselves pregnant and use that as an excuse to leave home. They get pregnant in hopes the father will marry them or take them in and have this illusion that they will be one big happy family. Next thing you know, father beats on mom and mom wants to go back home with the child. ive seen it happen so many times.

Answer 7

Girls like these are often thinking that having a baby will help them keep their man or that a baby is the only thing that can provide them with love. Some women though are able to be great moms and make things work for their children at young ages.

Answer 8

exucse me lady but i was 16 when i gave birth to my son - it was an "accident" i guess but i wouldn't change it for anything and guess what i'm 28 just like you giving birth to my 2nd child in a month I am still with my son's father, we have been married 8 years! Babies are not an accident even if a mother plans it, they are God's creation and I think you need to stop judgeing others - you don't even have child - wait until you see what a chalange it can be at times - regaurdless of your age!

Answer 9

Its unbelievable i would say... these young girls want to have babies when they are just babies themselves. They dont understand that having a child is not easy...if the baby crys and crys n crys they cant just switch it off like a toy and its all okay...They dont think that once you have a baby thats it everything you did in the past is gone now the attention is on this baby, its a full time job, i think the majority of these young girls having these babies were by "accident" ....but then again some plan it to get government money too like a baby bonus and thats just wrong...its like $3000 - $5000 a baby

Answer 10

maybe they want "unconditional love", they have low self esteem and do not believe anyone will love them for them

or they heard raising children is the most important job, and they can do it without any special training or going to college and having a real job.

they want to keep the man around and think that even if it is just for the man to visit his child and pay child support, thats better than nothing.

your line about "illegal immigrants" is offensive, I think lots of american girls do this too

why is this allowed? I thought having sex with someone under 18 is statutory rape or at least contributing to delinquency. maybe women should get in trouble for this equally as the man.