If you didn't get along with either parent, didn't communicate for years, would you be upset if .....?

Question

no one let you know that one or both had died? Wouldn't it violate your rights as a son or daughter?

Answer 1

Not particularly, and I know it sounds cold but such is life sometimes. The only thing I would give my "egg donor" credit for was not getting an abortion like she used to tell me she wanted. Thing is my dad wouldn't let her:)
My biological mother abandoned me when I was 6 months old at a sitters house and never came back for me. It was 6 months before my sitters parents found my paternal family and they came and got me cause my Dad was deployed to Egypt at the time.
My dad and my stepmom raised me while my "egg donor" would pop up once every 4 years or so to play "mommy" and blame my dad for the fact that she was irresponsible, immature, and selfish. She would say "I'll be there" and never show up or call... she is one of those people.
We do not speak at all anymore due to her issues, alcoholism and continued immaturity. That and the fact that she became physically violent when I told her to grow up and my daughter was in the room.
I might think about it and say a prayer for her, but no, I wouldn't be upset that no one told me.

Answer 2

Well the fact is that if you're not communicating to find out about your parents, you have given up your rights as a child!!!

I have given up all rights as a child of my father, I have already told him I will not be there when he dies, and all I have to do is sign over some land to my bro and sis to be completely rid of him.

This may seem harsh but he refused to look at my 4 mth old son (his first grandchild) when I took Josiah to see him on Christmas day last year. A man who has not taken care of his children, beat my mother, womanised and finally disowned is granson, is no man at all and I prefer not admitting such a man as my father.

Answer 3

1st let me say I am sorry for your loss. To answer your questions Yes, regardless of the wasted years of not speaking which at the time I am sure you felt you were right. They are still your parents and you do have the right to know . The problem comes in if the parent requested you not to know. Most family members would respect the wish of the parent and not tell you.

Answer 4

my mother is so sick and twisted that i opted out of her life years ago.

i never heard from any of the family unless they are up to no good.

in the late 80's i found out thru the grapevine that my dad had been dead for eight years or so, when i finally got around to finding 'mother' i asked her why she didn't let me know. her answer? she didn't feel it was her duty to tell us he had died.

flash forward to 2006. heard thru the grapevine my stepdad had died two years ago.......she obviously didn't think it her duty to tell us about that either as i have still not heard from her. no matter.

i'm hoping when she dies someone lets me know so i can dance on her grave.

as for violating my rights as a daughter? no worries. i didn't want to be involved in their lives, still don't. like i said she is a sick evil woman. the only tears to be shed upon her death are tears of relief, there will be one less monster in the world.

Answer 5

Yea, it's normal to be upset about it but I wouldn't say any rights were violated mostly because none actually exist. You pretty give away any normal "rights" when you don't talk for years as that is essentially disowning them.

Answer 6

Depends. If the reason why you are not talking to them is because you consider them non-existent, then, even if they passed away it shouldnt matter to you because they already died when you stopped communicating with them.

However, if you're not communcating just because of whatever reason you have... then that would be a major piss-off! I'd be pissed because they seem to have taken from me my role as their child and they seem to hae forgotten me-- as if Ive been disowned or abandoned... But then again, if that's their decision I will respect that. No point of arguing anymore anyway -- they're already dead.

Answer 7

No that was your issue and although you didn't speak to them it was your responsibility to at least try to find out how they were doing.You don't have any rights when it comes to NOT CARING.I can't beleive anyone who dosen't even bother to at least call write or send a telelgram or e-mail or a messenger to your parents.You are the one who violated YOURSEF it's a lot easier to put it onn somone else when it was up to you to keep in touch.

Answer 8

You had it coming. You knew that that time would soon come, you should have thought about it. Maybe they didn't know where to contact you all because you have not communicated with them too. If that thing happened, I am sure, they have also thought about informing you but since you have cut all communication lines, do you think, you still have the nerve to blame them?

Answer 9

Yes I dont really speak to my mother but it doesn't mean that deep down i dont love her after all i wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her as for my dad he passed when i was 10 I didn't know anything about him until i was in my 20's and yes that is one of the reasons that i don't talk to my mum.I had every right as his child to know about his death.you still need the chance to say goodbye.

Answer 10

I think so because I have that relationship, but I am still the daughter. I should be contacted if they died.