My boyfriend of five years whom I live with and love dearly went out drinking with me and my old roomate, and we crashed at her place since it was near by. He doesn't remember most of the night, he wound up puking and passing out and I had to drag him to bed. I went to sleep pretty sober, but was unaware of any events that occured after I fell asleep. My roomate called him two days later asking him if he remembered coming into her room in the middle of the night and molesting her. He swears he cannot remember, but has been miserable, apologizing over and over for what she says he did. My boyfriend doesn't really know the extent of what happened, and my roomate says she can't ever be around him again and wants to talk it out with me. I believe her, but I also believe he is truly sorry. I've had blackouts like that, where I was drunk and kissed someone, and he forgave me. I don't know if I should stay with him or not, and if I do, how I can maintain a freindship with her?
2007-01-17 10:37:49 · 13 answers · asked by lauri_182 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
My roomate is now changing her story. When she first called my bf, she said she THOUGHT he had TRIED to have sex with her. I wanted to speak with her, to see how she was doing and when I went o see her, she explained it much more assuredly, saying he stumbled into her room, right after we fell asleep, crawled into bed, and proceeded to rape her. She says she fought him off, and told him to go to the next room. She says she was on her period, and found blood on her sheets the next day, but there was no blood on my bf, and he woke up on the floor where I left him with his clothes still on. She did not report anything to the police, did not go in for a rape exam, and washed all of her clothes and sheets. My bf is so remorseful and honestly cannot remember anything. She was plastered as well when I got them to her house, and yet her memory is so vivid. She says he held her wrists, but there were no bruises, and she made no noise and didn't wake me, but just went back to sleep. So..
2007-01-18 11:01:31 · update #1
ouch!
well if i was you i would forgive him under these circumstances
1.he is truly sry. (which he is)
2.he will never drink that much again!!
i dunno, thats a long relationship, and you wouldnt want it to go down the drain over one night gone bad right?
2007-01-17 10:42:28 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ms.peREz?♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he molested her? He had sex with her without her conscent? If he is getting that drunk then maybe he has a problem. I have been drunk a lot when I was younger but very seldom did I not rememmber what hapened unless i just didn't want to. Good excuse. We often feel bad about how we acted after we have been drunk. It is a clue to not drink so much. Is this his first mistake? Does he have a thing for her? Why did he not approach you and go to her? Forgiving someone for kissing is way different that sleeping with someone. I would ask a lot of questions of both before I made a decision. Good Luck!
2007-01-17 10:46:32 · answer #2 · answered by healergirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've had a lot of experience of drunkeness and without exception I've always sobered up to some extent after puking. Do you know exactly when he molested your friend? It's important because it will give you an indication of how long he had to sober up before doing it. You need to make a judgement on whether it is really feasible that he was so drunk at that time he couldn't know what he was doing.
You may decide to keep him but I think it is unreasonable to expect your friend to want to maintain a friendship with you after this. She must believe that he was sober enough to know what he was doing. In any case she has a right not to want to be in his company anymore.
2007-01-17 10:56:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I drink alot, and was drunk several time. But no matter how drunk I am, I still know what happened around me, and what I have done. If he able to go into your room mate room, only shown that he is not totally drunk, he must be aware of what he had done. He should be grateful that your room mate did not report him to the police. As a police officer for 10 years, I can assure you, if the case was reported, he will certainly be convicted. Drunk cannot be used as an excuse to commit crime.
2007-01-17 12:50:45 · answer #4 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your room mate might not even be telling you the truth for all you know she may be jelouse of your relationship, Try talking to them both to see if anyones story changes, But stay with your man just make sure you can prevent this from happening again maybe even buy a lock for the back of your door.
2007-01-17 10:48:02 · answer #5 · answered by beau4dean 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was drunk--but that is not a good enough excuse. On some level, he must have wanted to be with your roommate, otherwise he would not have gone into her room an any condition. Also, why didn't she wake you up while this was occurring? That seems odd to me.
2007-01-17 10:47:10 · answer #6 · answered by schweetums 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i couldnt imagine someone being drunk enough not to remember...ive been wasted b4 and i can recollect some of what happened if not all...maybe hes giving u the alcohol excuse? hear both stories from both ppl but situations like that are difficult b/c u dont know who is telling the truth and who is not.
2007-01-17 10:42:57 · answer #7 · answered by wizzpack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is having blackouts while he is drinking u should rethink what kind of person he really is.when u blackout u have no conseption of reality and can not control yourself but this is a big problem as well as what he did. well if she is a real friend she will realize that u couldnt control him and there is nothing u can do. just remember if he did this once chances r he will do it again.Good Luck
2007-01-17 10:47:42 · answer #8 · answered by aspen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is all about forgiveness.
He drank and did something stupid without knowing. Point is: he didnt know what he was doing.
So since you know now he didnt know what happened, didnt remember, or blanked out, do you forgive him.
This is also all about trust. I suggest forgiving him, but asking him to limit his intake of alcohol because it doesnt do him or you any good.
And if this seems to happen again, then dump him. Fool me once, shame on him. Fool me twice, shame on me.
2007-01-17 10:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay or go is entirely up to you, but if you both get that drunk then maybe you need to seek some alcohol counseling and you will probably have to chose him or her and most guys if they are that drink can't get it up
2007-01-17 10:43:39 · answer #10 · answered by Abby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋