Should you?

Question

I was just wondering, if you adopt a child, should you tell them that you adopted them and your no their real parent, or should you just keep it a secret? I know i should choose myself, but what is better? I guess if the child found out to late in life it could hurt the child permantly..

Answer 1

i was raised by my grandmother and she told me from the beginning. I think if you plan on having an honest relationship with your child you should start now, if lie now and they find out later it damages their trust for you. it may be a little hard for them to undserstand now, but they will get used to it... good luck.

Answer 2

From the people I know who are adopted themselves, the ones who don't have a problem with it are the ones who grew up knowing about it. It doesn't make the parents any less real, they just don't share the same biological genes.
If I adopted, I'd want the child to know how very special he is because he's the child I got to pick for myself.

Answer 3

My brother tells his daughter that she was adopted. The difference is an adopt a child is picked. A real parent is one that rise the child, feed it, have stayed up at night when the child is sick. Adopted child has real parents. They also have birth parent that loves the child enough to give them real parents that can take care of them.

Answer 4

I think if you always are open with the child and seem comfortable talking about it, then the child will be comfortable with it. I have a good friend who didn't find out she was adopted until later in life, and I think the secrecy made her more interested in seeking out her biological parents.

I also remember Rosie O'Donnel saying that she tells her adopted children that another women grew them in her belly, but she grew them in her heart. Always thought that was nice.

In the end, the decision is yours. Do what you feel most comfortable doing. Good luck!

Answer 5

A friend of mine was adopted and his parents waited until he was 18 to tell him. His greatest disappointment is that he has no idea who his parents really are. Something about lost records and no cooperation from the birth parents. Sooo... I think you should wait for a while, until they can understand the concept of adoption, but make sure that you have some information about their birth parents. Anything. Even a name to give them is good.

Answer 6

My oldest son is adopted by my ex husband. I was already pg and didn't know it when we started to date. And my ex is the only father that my son has ever known, but he also knows that he is adopted. We told him when he was 8, when we thought he would understand, but not too late that he would stop trusting us to tell him the truth.

Answer 7

A child should be told as soon as they are old enough to comprehend that they have been adopted.

Answer 8

Why do you ask? what makes you think it’s a bad thing to tell them? Its actually a good thing, you're giving them a better home then for them being an orphan. When they grow up they will appreciate that.

Answer 9

I think that you should tell the child. But you have to make sure that you are both ready for it. You need to make sure that the child is mature enough to handle it and you need to make sure that you are ready for any of the questions that make come about.

Answer 10

You have to be honest. There are childrens stories, that can be read to them from a very early age, that address this subject. If they find out later, they will be very unhappy with you for keeping something this important from them.