How do I get my 4 year old daughter to behave?

Question

Let me start off by saying that my daughter does get mommy and me time. I do things with her soI know it is not a problem of attension.
My daughter will be 5 in may. She goes to pre school and they say she is a sweet little girl. When she goes to her grandparents she is also really good.
It seems like she only acts up for me and her dad.
She does not listen to me at all her newest thing is to yell and tell me to shut up.
When I take her out and about like to the drs or store she runs all over the place.
I know I am getting more and more stressed each day.
I have tried everything to from time out for 4 -5 mins to reward charts when she is good,and nothing seems to be working.
Any suggestions are helpful and please no rude answers.

Answer 1

Rules need to be VERY clear, and consequences even more clear. Rank the misbehaviors that you need to change from 1-10, 1 being the "I wish she would stop this behavior" to 10 being the "this can NEVER happen again!!!".

Next attach the following consequences for each misbehavior

Misbehaviors you ranked from 1-3: should be a time out in the naughty chair, or step for 4 min. 1 min. per year old she is.

Misbehaviors you ranked from 4-6: any of the following - Take a favorite toy away for a day, Long time out (1/2 hour or more), Take candy/special treats away for a day, cancel her fun time that day.

Misbehaviors you rank from 7-10: SPANKING. This can not be a reactionary punishment, it needs to be for CLEAR rule breaking. By always being consistent on this one brings everything else in line. This is what will save you. When she breaks these rules you need to tell her that she has earned as spanking, and to go to her room and think about what she did. 5 min. later you should come in have a little talk about how she could have avoided this punishment. pull down her pants and panties, lay her across your lap, and give her the spanking. All spankings are meant to hurt, however if her misbehavior was a #7 then it wouldn't hurt as bad as a #10. Don't think I am saying you should abuse your child, but a good spanking should leave her crying some real tears.

After the consequences (most importantly after the spanking) there needs to be a lot of communication, and positive talk, now is the time to build her back up again. Lots of hugs and kisses, and saying things like "your to smart of a child to act that way" or " I know you can do better" also listen to what she has to say, ask her easy questions you know she can answer then say" WOW!!! see how smart you are, you know how to do this" then more kisses and hugs.

Believe me, being a mom of 3 girls, I have been successful twice, and in process once going through the wonderful 4s, IT DOES GET BETTER. However be careful, girls tend to be sweet between 5-7, then come back for more at around 8.

My best wishes
Good Luck

Answer 2

Are you by chance having another baby? Or has your husband changed jobs recently?

These things caused temporary discipline problems for our household. Our daughter just turned 6 in December, and last year my husband changed jobs and had less time with her, which for some reason caused her to start acting up for me.

We solved the problem (mostly, she's a great kid but not perfect) by setting rules and sticking by them.

If time out doesn't work, try taking away a privledge for the afternoon, like " no TV when we get home" or "no video games".

I don't know what sort of things your daughter's into, but whatever you do, NEVER beg her to behave. That gives her power over you and breaks down your authority.

Be strong! Remember, YOU are the Mommy. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Sounds like you let her get away with a lot before and now you want to correct it. It sounds like she knows how to make you and dad do what she wants!!!

Quit taking her to the store with you if you can. Make sure she knows you aren't taking her and WHY you aren't taking her. Leave her with a babysitter if possible.

She tells you to shut up? I'd be doing more than reward charts. I'd be taking away toys. I'd be not buying her ANYTHING at the store and tellling her WHY!!!

Otherwise, there are great child psychologists out there. Maybe you need to see one.
Or maybe ask her grandparents for advice. They have already raised children!

I raised a child, but i did it when I was too young to really know what i was doing. I honestly don't think you should take advice from anyone in here. You love your parents as does your husband and they did a good job with you. Ask for their help.

But it really sounds like she's trying to manipulate you somehow.

Answer 4

She obviously knows that when you threaten her with punishment, you will not follow through.

When you say "If you do that again, you are getting a time out", you have to immediately give her a time out when she does it again. You also cannot let her out of time out before the time you said it would be over. If she cries and fusses about it, or talks back, the time out gets longer. You have to do exactly as you say you will do.

Time out is only an example. You are going to have to find the punishment that effects her the most, then stick with it. After a few days (or weeks) she will realize that you are no longer a pushover, and her behavior with you will be more like that with her teachers and grandparents.

Good luck, and stand firm. Your daughter is counting on you.

Answer 5

I have a 4 year old girl myself. Boy there are just a hand full aren't they. same thing she is the sweetest little girl in the world except when she is at home. So i get this call from school she beat up a little boy and when i asked her why she responded daddy he said girls couldn't be spider man. (she sure showed him) but you know what always keeps her calm is when i tell her she can help daddy cook. so she puts on her apron and chef hat just to help me out. so i guess what I'm trying to say is they are growing very fast and very curious these kid type things like timeout are getting old to her. Let her be a little more involved in the everyday things that u do. Sydney cant wait to come over and help daddy cook and when i tell her if she behaves she can help daddy she is on her best behavior. Well Good Luck.

Answer 6

It is most likely a stage and she is expressing her independance. Just keep up with the time outs and punishments taking things away etc... The key is to be consistant and let her know that you arent going to give in to her bad behavior. Be prepared the talking back gets worse the older that they get!

Answer 7

Time outs and reward charts aren't "everything", and sorry to break it to you, but that kind of discipline does not work on every child. Period.
It's ridiculous she's four and telling you to "shut up". And you don't know how to make her stop telling you to shut up? I would be smacked/spanked. Period. That would stop the second it happened.
She's four. The only reason she's acting that way or even thinking to act that way is because you allow her to.

Answer 8

Take control you are the parent, tell what is going to happen is she does not behave and follow through

Answer 9

hello crazy girl.i noticed you have a child the same age as mine.i have a boy who is 4 and will be 5 in may.we get along great ,but he sometimes gets alittle more annoying when his moms home.i guess its good old fashioned spankings that are hard enough that he fears getting one.but he knows we get along great and will never get one unless he deserves it.so i guess it makes him respect you.if your like me you wont like to spank him''hard enough to get his attention'',but it seems to work well for me.thanks and good luck.

Answer 10

I have no idea.