Long-Distance Relationship Challenges?

Question

I have been with my bf "unofficially" for 9 months, officially for 3 months. I hesitate to even say that because when we made it official, it didn't change anything - we had been exclusive since day 1.
We started dating a short time before his job had him move out-of-state. We have been doing the long-distance thing and visiting each other 2x/month for 3-day weekends.
I am in love w/him. I'm 30, so this isn't a teenager's naive dream. I'm not foolish enough to think he's Perfect. He has typical baggage and despite this I choose him every day. Nothing in this "baggage" is too much for us to overcome thus far. It's just real-world type stuff.
I know that just because we are compatible long-distance we aren't necessarily compatible if/when we are living local. These are things that would have to be discovered.
Problem is that he isn't in love w/ me yet. Long-distance skews "typical" timeframes...when do I say "you don't love me, it's over" for the sake of my future?

I should also add - do you think it's advisable to just sit him down and ask where he sees the future of the relationship going? I am willing to continue to invest myself in this man I love if it COULD eventually lead to a formal commitment and marriage. If that's out of the question, I really have to question what I'm doing. Is it too soon to have this conversation? Normally (in a local relationship) a lot of this would be more clear-cut, but like I said the long distance factor is really a challenge. Our time together is intense, and espeically for me the time apart is a real drag. It really makes personal growth hard to measure!

Maybe I wasn't clear - he moved literally weeks after we started dating....that is hardly "moving on"...I woudn't ever want someone to drop their career based on a few-week courtship. Thanks for your thoughts, though Mr. M.

Answer 1

Long Distant works!!! IF...you both are SUPER IN LOVE. It's not a easy way of dating and if not very very very much in love and sure about that...it will be difficult. Be careful, don't hurt yourself.
LolaPaloLa
(from Holland, dating Hawaii boy for 5,5 years, long distant...saw each other many many many times here or there, but need to be together permanently at one point, but that's not easy to arrange...so , very much in love, real, pure, true love, still very challenging cause it's distant.)
If it works out, it can be great! Very big, romantic, sexy, exciting, fairy-tale-like adventure on the one hand, and horrible, missing each other all the time, lonely, exhausting on the other hand. It's a relation ship of extremes....make a goal to work towards, makes it a little easier (when do we see each other again??? stuff like that)

Answer 2

Honey: If he moved out of your life it means that he truly moved. He is not in love with you nor does he consider your "relationship" to be that special. He may just not have the words to express the truth since you seem to be such a nice gal. I met this girl on the phone a few years back. We courted for about three months and exchanged pictures, gifts, and phone charges. Finally she came to meet me with a pair of rings in her hand and so we married. The key here is that we finally came together and solidified our relationship. In your case, he has left you and there is no promise of long-term commitment otherwise he would have said so. I advise that you give it some deep thought and be realistic about it. If you do not have plans for near future, it is guaranteed that your relationship will soon dissolve.
I hope that this answer sheds some light on what seems to a bit too shady for Mr. M to accept.
Love,
Mr. M on "nonexistence."

Answer 3

I am sorry you are going through this. He sounds like a good guy and don't lose him. But, it seems you you two need to talk and figure out what you both want. How far apart are you two? Once you firgure out what you all want, if it is to be together, then somebody can move to be closer to each other. If you all love eacj other, then this can be worked out. Good luck.