boy problems?

Question

Well, i still talk to my ex on the phone a lot and hang out with him in a group. We've been talking latly about having a secret relationship, and i'm trying to figure out if this would be a good idea. We would go on dates and stuff, but infront of our friends we would act like we normaly do, no kissing handholding ect.. He said this is great because there is no pressure from everyone. We both said we trust each other not to cheat, and i do trust him not to, but i don't know if he'll be flirting with other girls. I'm also a little shaky because this new relationship would include sex, maybe only oral, and i've never gone that far, he has only once. We originaly went out for 5 1/2 monthes and he broke up with me because he didn't think i liked him that much anymore. However we've remained good friends. Do you think i should do this, and do you think itwill work? I was thinking it might be ok, because eventualy eveyone will catch on and find out about us, so in the end everyone would kno

Answer 1

Sounds like he could be ashamed of liking you and wants to keep it a secret while also gettin some head on the side. I wouldn't continue that relationship at all anymore.

Answer 2

In a real relationship when a man wants a woman he acknowledges her and together they deal with the pressure from others by providing a united "front." (We are together, we care about each other please respect that) This new secret relationship would include sex possibly something you have never done before. Don't do this, you can if you want but you will regret it. This sounds terrible and tacky. He wants "fun" with you. This is when you decide what kind of lady you will be, you will be a "lady" who is chosen and you will be that only to a boy/man who stands publicly and privately behind you. Then and only then you discuss intimate issues. Guys are notorious for saying anything to get sex and now "oral " is the most sought after sex so don't be used in this way. Trust me on this tell him as far as oral sex you feel that it is such an intimate thing you don't even want to consider it until after marriage. There is only one difference between the girl a guy loves/respects and the one he sleeps with and treat as a toy. The difference is that one will let him treat her that way for whatever reasons and the other one simply won't tolerate such behavior.

Answer 3

After reading and re-reading your question for the best understanding, I can say that you're not having "boy problems" as much as you are just having typical relationship problems like everyone does, such as whether to have an exclusive relationship or not, and whether to have an active sexual life, and how far if at all, and trying to understand whether each of you likes the other "truly" or not, and whether you can trust the other. I can't recall if you said how old you are, but I'd guess you're around 14 or 15, and new at all this. And you didn't say how old he is, and that too can be an issue. My thoughts are this: since you're new at all this and you're not even sure whether you have a relationship (or a trustworthy one) or not, I'd not go into the sexual area at all. If you have, I'd put a stop to that NOW. People get sidetracked by all the excitement and arousals and anxieties about sex and the outcomes, and that's not good for a new relationship, and especially if one of you is new at the whole dating scene. Spend ya'll's time getting to know each other OUTSIDE OF THE SEXUAL AREA, and then, much later, you can engage in that if you so choose, but sex is NOT necessary to establish a trustworthy relationship!! One or both of you may desire it, but it's NOT NECESSARY for a strong relationship to begin. Once you get to know and appreciate each other and you have a stable relationship, THEN you can consider sex, but not until then. And then again, you may find that, once you get to know each other, you'd rather NEVER have sex with that person. I am a retired mental health counselor who has worked with untold numbers of individuals and couples on relationships, and I know from professional as well as personal experience whereof I speak. And if you have to sneak around with this relationship, it's definitely NOT strong enough for sex. God Bless you.

Answer 4

Please please please don't do this... this guy just wants some of the action without actually paying for it. He is putting you in a situation where he can use you. I guarantee you if you get physical with him and someone finds out, he is going to blame you for telling others you were still dating. Then he is going to break up with you.

What do you get from the relationship? You get to be uncomfortable because he is pressuring you into something you don't want to do. That doesn't sound like fun to me.

Ditch the clown and I'm sure you will have nicer guys who are willing to respect you and get together with you in public. I promise that if you do this, as soon as others catch on he will end things!

Answer 5

I wouldn't date anyone unless it was out in the open. The big question is, why do you want to hide your relationship? What kind of pressure were you under when you were dating? Why do you have to have sex with your secret bf? I definitely wouldn't sleep/have oral sex with anyone unless we were openly dating.

Something doesn't sound right with what you're saying. I wouldn't agree to it, no matter how much you still like him.

Answer 6

Ok, my philosophy is normally, if you dated someone and broke up, chances are it wont work about the second time. BUT, if you do still have feelings for this guy, I guess go for it. BUT(again), NO sex, no oral or further, because that can make you reliable to him, and if that happens, if you need to break it off, you wont be able to, and HE'LL still be gettin the *** he wants. so go for it, but keep it PG for a while.

Answer 7

well it depends how old you are. if you're under, say, 17.. then this doesnt sound like a very good idea. young kids are really immature and he will end up hurting you (most likely). if you ave over 17 then who cares if people flirt with him? its all fun and games.. :)

Answer 8

I'm not sure if it'll work.
Because keeping a secret relationship isn't easy.
But why not give it a shot?

Answer 9

It's your relationship and as long as what you're up to doesn't hurt anyone, do whatever you like.