What are your rules when it comes to...?

Question

What are your rules when it comes to your children eating meals? My daugher who will be 10 in a month is a very picky eater. My rules are:

1. she eats what we are having for dinner and she has to try everything
2. If I put the food on her plate, she doesnt have to eat everything on her plate but she cant have anything else until the next meal if she doesnt eat everything
3. If she puts the food, she has to eat everything

When we go to my soon to be mother in laws house she makes my daughter eat everything even if she says she is full and someone else put the food on her plate. I dont like that because I think it encourages unhealthy eating habits. My parents had the same rules I have and we all turned out to be healthy average weight kids and adults and my soon to be mother in law has an overweight daughter that she made eat everything on her plate. I was wondering what other parents do as far as their children eating meals go.

I've tried to explain my rules to my soon to be mother in law but she doesnt care. What might be a good way to tell her that my rules stand no matter where we are without saying it that abrasively?

Renee: You totally missed the point of my question and obviously didnt read it fully. I never said she cant eat the next meal just cant eat anything UNTIL the next meal.. letting your kids eat whatever they want is just as bad as making them clean the plate because they dont get a balanced diet. As a pareant is our duty to have soem control over our children when they are young so they make the right decision as adults.

Answer 1

I think what we put in our bodies is very personal and people should not be forced to eat anything at all. Have good foods available - and if a child just hates the meal you've made, let them make themselves a sandwhich.

As far as your in-laws, perhaps you can tell her that your daughter's doctor has requested that she not be made to eat when full. Tell her the doc is concerned about your daughter developing eating disorders, or losing touch with her natural appetite suppression.

It is not required to eat everything on one's plate when one is a dinner party guest, it certainly shouldn't be required in the home of a loved one. It shows a complete insensititivity to one's guests (one's family!) and a demand to have it 'my way or the highway.'

Probably, mil doesn't believe your daughter is full and thinks she's getting out of eating something she doesn't like. Even so, she needs to act like a hostess, not a gestapo. Or you'll have to come after dinner, as it's important to you that your children retain their communication with their own appetites.

And don't mention the weight in her family!

Answer 2

It saddens me to see this...

when I was a parent of young children I made sure that we had dinner earlier (about 6pm) and if they didnt eat everything on the plate then they had to go to sleep. NO CHILD wants to admit to having gone to bed at that time and so my kids ate everything.

Your mother in law must not put the right amount of food on her plate. I always put half of what I ate on my daughters plate when she was about that age and older and my sons ate as much as me when they were 14 and often wanted more as they got older. (BTW im a 54 year old male)

There was never any yelling, any anger and my kids were always fit and healthy because they EXERCISED - a word that seems to be worse than a chore to many people now.

Your rules are okay but there is too much choice and whilst obesity is bad anorexia and ballemia are much worse!

Answer 3

I think your rules are reasonable. They were pretty much the same when I was a kid! I would download some info and print it for your MIL. Childhood obesity experts state that the "clean plate club" theory of the 60's and 70's is what caused overweight children. Your MIL should always ask you before she gives the child more food. Google "clean plate club" and see if you can find it. I've seen that term used in more than one article about childhoodl obesity.

Also, before you go to your MIL's house, review your rules at home about mealtimes. Let your daughter know she needn't finish everything on her plate and you will back her up on it.

Answer 4

My boys are 21 and 25 now, but we had similar rules to yours, plus on some new foods I would sometimes insist they do more than just taste the foods they did not want. However, I think both grew up to be more picky than I am and they are normal weight, but I was healthier than either of them at their age. Neither on eats near enough fruits and vegetables or enough variety. One reason I think they are not healthier eaters today is because their mother could not follow the rules and she never cooked the needed variety of vegetables or helped me insist they eat enough fruits and vegetables.

In addition, eating between meals would have to be against the rules. My wife did not enforce that rule very well. Eating between meals will tend to lower appetites and cause more eating problems during childhood and adulthood and also increase the chance of getting acid reflux and ulcers, which my oldest has in a big way as does his mother in a mild way.

You should ask you mother-in-law to follow your rules with your children.

Answer 5

I have a daycare in my home and I have found out that sometimes kids just aren't hungry. They will eat when they are ready too. I do serve my kids their food and they eat. If they are full they tell me and then they are done. I do make them drink all thier milk though. If they say yuck or anything like that I give then as bit extra of that item (usually veggies) They learn quick not to say yuck. If I maske someting they just don't want I ask them to try it they usually end up liking it.

Good luck ,
Rox

Answer 6

I don't like the part about "and she has to try everything". How are you going to make her try everything? You are setting yourself up for a battle of the wills. My mom tried to make me eat brussel sprouts when I was a kid; she used the old "you are not leaving the table until you at least try them" business. Well, I knew damn well that I was going to be allowed to leave the table eventually (what, was she going to make me spend the night sitting at the table?) and sure enough she eventually gave in and sent me to my room. 33 years later, I can say with some conviction that the one food I will never - EVER! - eat for the rest of my life is brussel sprouts.
My son is 3 1/2; our only rule regarding food is if you don't like it, don't eat it, but I'm not making anything else. He eats almost anything - sometimes a lot, sometimes just a few bites - but he is big and strong and healthy and loves food for what it is.

Answer 7

I have three girls, and let them eat what they want ,as long as its not all junk. I do not force them to clean there plates, and dont tell them they cant eat the next meal,just because they were not hungry enough to finsh food from the other meal.Come on do you do this yourself? You eat what you want til your full, then leave the table when your ready. Let them breath & enjoy life.Are you Mommy Dearest or what? ewww some people like you can really get on my last raw nerve!

Answer 8

Not that there is anything wrong with picky eaters. My friend daughtor is a picky eater. My sons are 13,12 and 12. We tell them to eat everything they take. They do. One of my sons is picky. it's hard because we like a certain food, and he hates it. But we try to get foods he likes. Thank god there is alot of different kinds of food!

Answer 9

I agree. making children overeat, is not a good idea. Put a little of everything on her plate, or tell her to, then she can have more of what she wants after she has eaten everything.

Answer 10

Your daughter should follow your rules.