My boyfriend was asked to be an usher at his friend's wedding and he was absolutely delighted and honoured to say yes. However, we have just found out that all male members of the wedding party are wearing top hat and tails and they have to pay to hire them themselves. This is going to cost at least 75 pounds and we really do not have that kind of money. I don't mind paying a small amount to buy a suit that we can keep and wear again but I can't justify spending that amount on something he will wear for only a few hours.
Is it traditional for the suits to be bought for them? If they want him to wear it then they should buy it. I don't want to upset them but we can't afford that money! Any advice please?
2007-01-17 09:27:57 · 19 answers · asked by clairelou_lane 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Usually ushers just wear a nice suit that they already own, they do not necesarily wear tuxedos at all. Unfortunately for your situation, your boyfriend needs to back out of the wedding and let them know that you cannot afford it.
2007-01-17 10:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, etiquette/tradition dictates that members of the wedding party pay for their own attire. This is true for everyone from the bridesmaids to the groomsmen to the flowergirls. The bride and groom usually give the members of their wedding parties some kind of gift to thank them for bearing the expense. Personally, I think it's a silly tradition, but does it really matter?
Don't get into debating who is right or wrong here.
The important thing is that your boyfriend wants to be a part of his friend's wedding and that everyone wants to find a way to make that happen.
So, your boyfriend should call up his friend and make it clear that he would really love to be a part of the wedding, but that he's concerned about expense and needs a little more information.
Is there any chance that just a dark suit will do?
If not, are all of the guys renting through the same company? If so, then you should be able to negotiate a discount. If the price is still too high, does the wedding couple have their hearts set on an exact style? Or are the attendants free to shop around for deals? (NOTE: Even if they're all supposed to be wearing the exact same thing, get the style numbers and designer names and then hit ebay and the web. If you start in time, there are knock-offs on wedding wear available everywhere. That said...unless I have my currency conversion wrong, I doubt you'll be able to do much better than 75 pounds.)
Most importantly, your boyfriend needs to make clear that, as much as he wants to be a part of the wedding, he understands that the wedding couple has a particular look in mind and he doesn't want to get in the way of that. He should make it clear that, if the top hat and tails are essential, he's willing to give up being an usher and celebrate the wedding as a guest.
I know it all sounds silly, but it's the most gracious way to handle the situation. Couples get really crazy when they're planning a wedding and you need to cut them some slack.
Best of luck!
LB
2007-01-17 10:09:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those chosen to be in a wedding party accept all financial responsibilities when they say "yes"...this includes renting the tux. There is no need to go out and buy a tux because they can get very costly. You're better off renting it, like the other guys are going to do. If you can't afford it, then you should talk to the couple and explain the situation...they will understand.
Also, I'm pretty sure they will be wearing tuxedos and not suits...
2007-01-17 10:05:20 · answer #3 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its tradition that if you accept a position in a wedding you accept all the finacial responsibility that goes with the wedding. That includes any clothing rentals and purchases.
Sorry, but the bride and groom choose the wardrobe, he will either have to pay for the rental or back out of the wedding party. If you choose the latter, do it asap so he can be replaced, but also be prepared for these people to be very upset that he has accepted the invitation and then reneged on it.
2007-01-17 11:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the couple of your prediciment. I am sure that they won't mind spending an extra £75 on top of the other thousands of pounds on hiring your boyf suit for him.
Usually the bride and groom pay for the hire of the suits but I suppose that it depends on what budget they are on. Top hats and tails indicates that they are not really on a tight budget.
2007-01-17 19:51:47 · answer #5 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to ask you to pay it incredibly is thoroughly outrageous. the place I stay Nr Glasgow, Scotland the bride and groom might pay for the hire of extra healthy, kilt clothing or in spite of for the marriage occasion, which incorporate the ushers. If this absurd colour of waistcoat is to verify with bridesmaids colorings little doubt it may't be employed as stages are limited. The couple being married would desire to have taken this in to attention whilst budgeting for the marriage or chosen an determination eg gray, black, silver, gold waistcoat or different and salmon pink ties. a minimum of if no longer a inventory hire merchandise fabric in salmon pink would have been bought and any good seamstress could make the binds. I take it your husband isn't the only usher? Can he no longer look for the opinion of others? If no longer he in basic terms tells the couple he's not keen to spend this quantity of money on something he won't in any respect placed on returned. To be trustworthy the couple look unwell mannered and funds grabbing. some on Yahoo Q & A's evaluate it suitable to ask outright for funds for wedding ceremony presents yet whilst anybody posts the form of question maximum folk answer that it is going to no longer be executed. If somebody has a house provided I usually after asking the couple in spite of if that's suitable provide them funds. I in no way might like them to think of i did no longer choose to take the difficulty to purchase a modern-day. besides the shown fact that i might discover it offensive being asked outright for this. If their arguement is they already have each and every thing i'd desire to discover giving funds suitable in the event that they needed it donated to a charity of their determination. In different words tell them to wander away!!!
2017-01-01 07:39:40 · answer #6 · answered by valaria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure about the traditions where you are, but here in the states it varies. If the couple is more financially stable, they'll often pay for some, if not all of their bridal party's attire. However, young, less financially stable couples tend to leave the payments up to those in the bridal party. I completely understand your concern, and you may want to voice your concern to the couple, and let them know that it's a little more than you're willing to spend for that. They may be willing to compromise on the attire, or help you pay for it. But don't break the bank if you don't have too.
Good luck!
2007-01-17 09:31:47 · answer #7 · answered by prplluva 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that in all weddings, the ushers and the bridesmaids pay for their own suits and dresses. I have never heard of the groom and bride paying for the suits or dresses. Hope this helps.
2007-01-17 09:33:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. Can you rent a suit or no? I think you should just rent one for a day or two. Yeah suits are very expensive and being an usher isn't that important at all. I don't think he should have to wear anything that fancy anyways.
2007-01-17 09:54:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to the let the bride and groom know this is not something you can afford, maybe they can help out with the cost, or they may be able to find someone else to replace your boyfriend in the wedding party.
2007-01-17 09:46:10 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋