5 year old girl peed in her pants on purpose... HELP!!?

Question

What would you do!?! I put her in a diaper and gave her a time out. She did it to get back at me for putting her in a time out for being extremely rude to her friends. I tried to explain "selfishness" to her, but it hasn't sunk in. Yet. Also, she didn't tell me until I got it out of her, AFTER I had dried everyone elses clothes in the dryer with hers after playing in the snow. So now I have extra laundry, and I think she will get to fold all of it. Help?? This seems to happen once every few months. It's NOT ok!

One more thing, I'm not her mom. I'm her daycare provider and I DO NOT deserve this.

Ok, just a little more background info: I've been taking care of her for more than a year and she often stays the night here. Her parents have their own mess and I've been working hard to straighten everything out for everyone this whole time. I told her mom and she has nothing to say about it. She's at her witts end with this child more than I am AND she's staying the night for the second night in a row tonight. On top if it, they pay me less than any of the other families do.

AND, this job is my passion. This child gets more attention than my other 6 kids do. My significant other stays home and works with me all day and he's also fed up. To everyone who's responding negatively, you don't understand. Being a parent is hard, and I'm a surrogate parent for 7 kids. I love and care for all of them, even this certain 5 year old, and believe me she's safer with me than with her own family. Why else would I have continued to take care of her for so long? I asked for help with her, not insults to me. Thanks.

Answer 1

BRAT!

Answer 2

It is hard for an adult to deal with consequences and not being able to get their own way so we cannot expect it to be easy for a child. Learning that she must be kind and respectful is hard. It isn't okay, but I can see why she was angry.

When you are 5 you don't have much control over many things. Some things that she does have control over are what goes in and what goes out of her body. She did something that she knew would make you angry like you made her angry. She is also getting the attention she wants as well.

If it happens only every few months I wouldn't be too concerned. I wouldn't give her too much attention because it seems like she will settle for negative attention. I would quietly tell her that she needs to clean herself up. While the others are playing or having a snack she needs to get into the bath and put her clothes into the washer. She can transfer them to the dryer and then fold them when they are finished and put them away. They may not be perfect but she will at least be learning.

Give her a coloring book to color in quietly while she is waiting for the laundry to finish. Again, do not give her any attention. Just go about your business. Don't be mean or nice.

After they are folded and put away tell her that you don't expect this to happen again. She is to old for this and will lose more privledges next time - such as TV or favorite toy.

I wouldn't put her in a diaper. Embarassing her doesn't help.

Good luck! Stay calm! :) SD

Answer 3

Have you talked to her mother about her behavior?

I have worked with children for quite some time now and found that some parents simply do not know all of the nasty behavior that their child exhibits when they are not around. I say first step is to confront the mother about it. If the mom does not seem to have a solution or any advice about the behavior then you should let the parent know that this is unacceptable and it is grounds for removal from your daycare facilities if it continues.

When working with the child explain to her thoroughly that her actions will not be tolerated and reinforce the fact that she must tell you when she needs to use the restroom (even though im sure she knows this).

Also, placing a diaper on a 5 yr old might eliminate some of the extra work that you have to deal with because of her, but it may escalate problems with her and your other students/kids. If they know she is wearing a diaper they may tease her which will encourage more of her rude behavior towards them. I would be careful with that. Instead of the diaper I would try to watch her carefully and check in with her often. You can always take her to bathroom periodically prior to her having an accident. If she has an empty bladder there is no way she can vengefully urinate on herself.

Finally, you are right. You don't deserve that and you shouldn't have to deal with it. Again, if you talk to her mom and her and it continues remove her from your program.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

If you dont make a big deal of this and just pretend that nothing actually happened,she will realize that this isnt the best metod to "punish" you.She's gloating to see you upset,so dont be.Seems like the child needs a special attention,not a punishment.Skip the folding part - sounds childish.And washing a couple of pants aint such a big deal,so dont let the anger get over you.Talk to her mom and let her decide how to take care of such behaviour,

So,if the family has problems,and the child feels thrown away,thats how she's responding.She's mad at the world,she doesnt understand why,and she needs help.Think of her as a kid,not as someone who takes your time for less money.If you cant,then just quit it.If you want help,then you have to know your mistakes,People dont criticize you bcoz its a fun,they do it to help you!To be honest,you sound too aggressive.Unfortunately the child who suffers family problems has to deal and with you.....

Answer 5

As her day time provider you should be having a chat with her parents maybe this happens when they loOK after her as well . The child is still only 5 years old so to me she will act up ,ok peeing her pants is not a great thing to deal with but gees she is only 5 years old.Your right you don't deserve this and her behavior needs to be addressed but sounds like to me you see her doing this as a personal attack at you instead of seeing it as a normal thing children that age will do . I have to say if this is the only thing that has you annoyed i would suggest you change jobs as clearly you can't deal with a very simple thing in my opinion. Talk to her parents .

I am adding this after you put more information regarding the situation.
I think your taking on more then your role of day care provider. i think you need to distance yourself with the parents mess and just be a good carer for the child . I am parent myself I answered the question on what i felt i would expect from someone looking after my child. However now the extra information as been added i can understand your trying your best in a difficult situation . Good luck

Answer 6

Are yo sure that she's not just getting overly busy outside or playing and putting it off too long? I know as a kid I did this about once every 2-6 months. Try reminding her in the middle of play or completely interrupting play for a potty break for every one. If she is safer with you than her parents shouldn't you be reporting their situation to the Human Services Dept and try to get them some counseling? They do keep your name confidential just don't give specific info only you know.

Answer 7

There could be something going on at home that is making her act out. The family could be going through some personal issues or something else and she wants the attention. Try and have a talk with the parents and find out what is going on at home. If this only started recently, chances are that there's something troubling her.

Answer 8

do you think this is something you should talk with her parents about, like why she is acting out like that? maybe there is something going on and the only way she can express herself is to act out

ok i just read the details you added... no wonder she is wetting herself and continually being defiant! her home life and her biological parents are a wreck. this child needs youre love and patience more than anything. put her in time out when she acts like this, and explain to her why what she did was wrong. kids model the behavior they learn. i know you are doing the best that you can do given the circumstances - keep doing what you are doing, but perhaps be more patient with her. it is unfortunate that people have kids and cannot care for them, what you're trying to do for her is admirable.

Answer 9

Seems to me that it is her way of getting extra attention, perhaps she is not getting it at home, at 5 years old you should not put her in a diaper, it is determental to the childs mental health, you need to talk to her parents about this, if needed the child might need counseling, the wetting of the pants is just her way of saying that something more serious is going on

Answer 10

I think what you are doing in being firm is good. She needs to learn consequences. However, you should also discuss this with her mom. It is possible that there are psychological issues associated with this defiance. I applaud what you are doing. Too many kids get away with nonsense and then later in life an employer or the police have to deal with their selfish self-serving behavior. If mom doesn't take it seriously, tell mom you can't keep her daughter any more. That might make mom take it more seriously.

Answer 11

I know this kind of behaviour is not acceptable but why would you put a nappy/diaper in a five year old? Have you told the parents how she behaves when she is with you, if not i think that you should discuss it with them so they can talk to her to find out what the problems is.