Christian young man...How to cope with sexual temptations towards fiancee before we get married ?

Question

I am with a wonderful woman for bout a year now. We didn't plan exact date for marriage, might take a few years due to finnancial probs...:( Now, we live together and we kept strong till' now keeping our purity. We have a small 1 bedroom place and we have to sleep in the same bed. Sometimes I get ashamed of myself when I feel i get excited and try to go to the bathroom or so something... Is there any plan with which U can rule out any sexual thoughts or desires out of your mind. I try to think of her as my sister sometimes, although I was the only child and it does work ocassionally. This really means a lot to us, we both want to do our best in keeping clean&pure...

well......we're actually in a live-in-job so it's a small room, the living room is shared and they wouldn't allow me to put one xtra bed in this room...probly wouldnt fit either. I could sleep on the floor but its a little bit drafty. We're both poor, we're just starting to strugle for something in a new country (UK)....

Tnx for the advice, benny , YES I agree, probly praying is the best thing to do :) :) :) :) :)

Answer 1

I really applaud your efforts young man, many christians would not be able to put themselves in such a tight position with the one they love due to the EXACT temptations that you are dealing with right now! However, somehow I think that you already know that!

#1 you must remember that there is an enemy after you & your mind 24/7 - 365, satan doesn't take a break from trying to tempt you, he doesn't cut you some slack because he knows your situation. Instead he uses your situation to tempt you! Therefore you MUST REMEMBER that God will test you (because there is always a test before a promotion) and he will send trials your way because he created you and knows which test & trials you can bear! However Temptation comes from Satan, he tempts you, so that he will get you to do the foul thing he lures you with, then once you comply - He redicules you with Guilt and the taunt of your unworthiness to follow christ, That is why the bible refers to him as the "accuser of the brethren" he tempts you to do it, then blames you for being weak; all in a sly attempt to get you to follow him (by thinking well now that I've done it once, I might as well do it again, and believe me he will make the 2nd time easier than the first for you).

In and of yourselves you will never be able to combat him, and thats because you were not created to; Only Jesus can! as it is written in the bible we don't wrestle with the physical, its the principalities and powers of darkness that we fight against.
The bible also informs us that Satan is not able to read our Minds (only God Can) but he is able to plant thoughts (because he is the father of lies, he persuades us into believing that they are our own thoughts.) and he watches us, to see if we take the bait, because he can't read our minds, he researches us so that he can try to predict the outcome of certain events or situations that he throws our way; he waits till we're tired, or stressed or beaten down (mentally, physically, emotionally or all 3), because he hopes that we will not resist. So in these times when he's running rampant in your mind with impure thoughts, You take your God Given authority over him, speak it out if you need to "Tell him that he has no place there (in your mind)! serve notice on yourself that as for you and your mind and body, you will exalt the lord at all times and his praises shall forever be in your mouth, plead the devil defeating Blood of Jesus across yourself, your body, Soul, Heart and Mind (for Jesus is the lamb that was slain for us). This is the process of the Resisting and the word says "If you resist Satan, he will flee", In addition to verbalizing your authority, gain more strength by Instantly beginning to praise God, speak and think words of praise, sing your favorite worship song, Just invite God into the situation; do things that will exalt God and God will give you the strength to make it through.

Now that doesn't mean that satan is gone forever, he will just try back later or wait for another opportunity;like they say, if you don't like pie, he will just come back and offer you cake and he will continue to make offers of things he thinks you like (things he's learned about you in his research of you) and know that he will always try things, at which time you repeat the steps to resist him, and in his research he will see that you and GOD together against him is a definite force to be reckoned with and Remember that the Bible says that "We can do ALL THINGS (not some things, ALL things) Through Christ that strengthens us", God did not create us to fight and win every battle alone, he is abundantly clear as he repeats several times in the bible that "The battle is not ours, its the lords" and in case you don't remember HE ALREADY WON!! So why waste your time trying fight it out with a defeated foe????? He knows he's defeated, But he hopes that YOU don't know? Do you think Jesus has to come down and die again on the cross?? Because I KNOW that YOU KNOW BETTER!!
Jesus Conquered Satan, Death, Hell and the Grave, His word says that he died for your past, PRESENT and Future sins which mean he is Victorious once and for all, nothing can happen to you that didn't in some way already happen to him on the cross, Trust Him! He said that he would never leave nor forsake you, and that you are more than a conquerer through Him; those are promises and God is not a man that he would lie, so Believe Him!

Lastly my brother marriage does not necessarily mean Wedding when you love someone, you love them! Your relationship is not contigent on a Tuxe and wedding gown. Its about you being right with God, everything on this earth shall pass away, be he will still remain. Now don't get me wrong, the desire to have sex legally & morally is not reason enough to get married. But shacking up (living togther), puts you in a position that goes against the word ( therefore it leaves you an open position to be harrassed by the enemy and regardless as to why you're in the position, God doesn't compromise - even when we're poor). So you my friend may have a long road of prayer and fasting to help you slay the flesh that desires to rise against you and steal your morality, but It may be best to make all attempts to change that bed situation (because lying next to eachother, certainly doesn't help!!), and as the bible says "So a man thinketh, therefore he is"! Sin doesn't start with the action, it starts with a thought, Which is why we are to constantly have our minds and thoughts under subjection to God, so that HE can put sin fires out at there very first flame).

Perhaps investment a sleeping bag new or used (either the kind that zips around your head leaving only your face out, or if its the flat kind get some extra pillows to surround your head from the draft), a pair of thermals, a beanie hat and a few extra pairs of sox to ward off that draft (I know that you're poor, but you are a child of the king, Joint-heirs with Jesus) but whatever you need, God has promised to provide, so Trust HIM and pray for a double portion of faith to believe that you will receive from him and for provisions to be made; ask him to change your living situation and he will. BUT FIRST you must gird yourself with the FULL ARMOR of God by praying, fasting and seeking the lord, if you want something that you've NEVER had, you have to do something that you've NEVER DONE!! Believe God for what seems impossible (in the natural) and he will show you that the Impossible, is what he does Best!! But you MUST BELIEVE and not waiver in your faith; James Chptr 1:5-7 says " 5 If any of you lack (not limited to wisdom), he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord!

Saying that to say, Trust and believe God to make a way for you, you wont know unless you try!!

I will be praying for you and your strength!!
God Bless you Both and congratulations on your engagement

Answer 2

First of all great job! Im a Christian as well and living in the world where they tell you sex is okay before marriage its hard....but you should try to separate from each other...have two beds because your only strengthening the temptation when you sleep in the same bed...And read the word and pray.....Idk but maybe yall shouldn't be living together until your married...but if thats not a possibility sleep in different beds....

Answer 3

No, there's really no way to keep them thoughts out, it'll still pop in your head. The only way to stay pure, is to not let yourself get into that predicament.....but you're pushing that living together. I applaud your decision to stay pure, and I'm sure that God will bless both of you and your marriage for that. One thing the Bible says....is that you "hide" in Christ.....so if you start getting them desires and temptations......then start praying...this is my best advice to you. I only wish the both of you the best of luck.

Answer 4

Move out. You're basically asking if you can sleep next to the fire for months and months without getting burned. Move out, move out, move out. Otherwise, it's mission impossible.

Answer 5

keep fighting....you can do all things through the power of the lord

"Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reard the life which God has promised to those who love him."
-James 1:12-

Answer 6

Here's my question - are you even DATING? You're talking to him, but are you in a romantic relationship? Not sexual, mind you, but romantic. You've done a lot of talking about him wanting to be with you, but you don't talk about you wanting to be with him. He's promised you a house and a ring but what about when times get tough? And they will. Have you discussed how you'll handle that? Have you seen him angry at others? Angry at you? Have you fought either productively or not? No one is perfect, what faults does he have? Are you willing to put up with those for the rest of our life? In addition, being a pastor's Wife is a HARD life and being pastor's kids is a hard way to grow up. Believe me, I know. Is that life something you want for yourself and for your children? On a much much smaller scale it's like being famous - you have NO privacy and everything you do is being watched and judged. You move around a lot. Like the military, you go where you can serve best which means leaving friends and family just when you've gotten settled and, potentially, going into a very unfriendly congregational setting. I'm not saying that it's necessarily a bad idea, but I want you to be realistic. For every story you hear about people getting married after knowing each other for a month or whatever and living happily ever after, there are thousands of stories about people rushing into things and having it blow up in their faces. I'm not saying the fairytale can't happen, but don't base your decision on the exception rather than the rule. Marriage isn't about his relationship with God, it's about his relationship with YOU. Bringing flowers is all well and good now, but I don't believe it's an indicator of whether or not you'll have a good marriage. Bringing flowers is the easiest thing you can do. Life is excruciatingly difficult in ways you can't even imagine. Someone who wants to give you the world just plain isn't enough, you need someone who'll get down in the mud with you. And, he might very well be that person, but I'd recommend getting to know him a little better first.