My Brother Sponges off my dad what do i do?

Question

My Brother is 28 and has never had a job. never paid rent. never had a relationship. and just sponges off my dad and the state. me and my two sisters are worried that when my dad is too old to pay his way anymore we will have to look after my brother. he is not disabled and i dont want to call him lazy but he is. he wont go to councelling, cant keep a job for more then 2 minutes and stays in doors playing video games all day. My dad wont chuck him out of the house because he doesnt want him to be homeless. how can we help him to get a life and not ruin ours?

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do, he has no motivation.

Answer 2

Your brother is sponging because your Dad is letting him sponge. You're Dad is enabling his behavior by supporting him. You can't live someone else's life for them, they have to do it for themselves.

If you think your brother has a serious emotional or learning problem give him a week to get into counseling or he's out.

If not, I would make it clear to your brother that he has two months to get a job and rent an apartment or room. Make it clear that he's out at the end of the two months whether he's got someplace to go or not, his choice.

I'm sure your Dad means well, but enabling your brother's dysfunctional behavior is not doing your dad or brother any favors. You might read "Codependent No More", one of the best books on this subject.

Despite his best intentions, your Dad's way of dealing with this is not working, read this book and try a different approach. I have had a member in my family take advantage of me, and changing my position from victim to setting some boundaries was hard for me and this member was certainly resistant to losing their patsy, but there's no way I'd go back.

Good Luck, I know these family issues can be painful.

Answer 3

The only way your brother is going to get his act together is through some "tough love". He knows your dad will continue to care for him because it has always been this way. If you could convince your dad that he is no means doing his son any favors by allowing this behaivor to go on, and give him a deadline to be out of the house, your brother would have to get his act together. The only thing about it is, your dad would have to stick to what he said. If something does happen to your dad, I suggest that you do not take your brother in unless it is made clear that it is short term and that he must find and maintain employment, and get his own place.

Answer 4

Your brother is sponging off your dad now and hopes that by the time your dad dies, he will inherit his house which he can sell off to get the money to live on. He is hoping that he will inherit the whole 100% of your dad's estate. If your dad is a smart man, he should hint to your brother that he won't get all of it.
Your dad should stop giving him money to spend and stop paying for his internet and games. Your dad should stipulate that if he doesn't get a job in about 6 months, he will have to move out and that he won't inherit a single cent if he doesn't keep his job and he should not be jobless for more than 2 months from now onwards.

Answer 5

It is up to your dad to tell him to get a job. No one can take advantage of him without his permission. Tell your dad that he is not doing your brother any favors by allowing him to act like a spoiled teenager.

It would be a good idea to talk to your dad about what will happen when he (the dad) is incapacitated or gone. What will happen to your brother then? If your dad owns a house or has money, there should be a will.

If your dad becomes unable to provide for your brother but the brother is able to work, then tell your brother that it is time to grow up and let him fend for himself.

Answer 6

This man is slowly eating away at any inheritance that you may ever get. Ask your father for a piece of the pie before the dessert cart rolls on past you. In the mean time you may want to discuss with your father your brothers pornography feuled web marathons and how you are concerned about his emotional sexual wellbeing. A frank discussion with dad about the subject and the monitoring that will follow will definitely cripple his lifestyle resulting in a change or move out. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Well cookie you can't force someone into doing something they don't want to do. The best way to learn responsibility is to put someone out on their own and letting them fend for themselves. If you don't than he'll always be lazy. Since you're father won't kick him out....it's his fault. When you're father can no longer take care of himself and your brother has to leave do not let him come and live with you. He'll have to do things for himself. It's a little late in the game, but you want to reach him before it becomes too late. At that point he'll be 40 sitting in front of your tv, telling your kids how to sponge off of you. If you're father really loves him. He'll kick him out. What will happen if something happens to all of you? What will he do then? He needs to learn responsibility now! If he doesn't he'll be a mooch for the rest of his life. Good luck sweetie.(If this doesn't work take your father to talk show).

Answer 8

I don't know whether you've tried this or not, but maybe being upfront and honest with him (without being obnoxious) might be a good idea. You and your family seem to be very nice people, and if you want what's best for him, you should definitely be open with him and help him get a job (and a life of his own for that matter).

Good luck :)

Answer 9

Is there something off with your brother? Slightly? I would definitely talk to your father about getting him checked for ADD or Asperger's.

Have you talked to your father about your concerns? Does *he* think something is wrong with your brother?

Since you are on line, see if there are any symptoms of ADD or Asperger's that your brother might be showing.

If I'm totally off base with all that, tell your father he's being an enabler and to kick him out. Perhaps give your brother a specific date and throw him out.

Best of luck

Answer 10

Honey..maybe you should get some counceling to come to him or just have a long speech with him be firm dont be nice about it make him understand his father WONT ALWAYS BE THERE!
i hope it helps.
Also you could try taking away video games or TV and get him to excersize eat right and stuff.not trying to be mean but it worked for my brother!GOOD LUCK.i really hope it atleast helps
once the councleing or exercising works,
Help him find a job.Make Him UnderStand.

Answer 11

Call him spongebob from now on and when he asks why tell him he better get a clue and go back to school so he can support himself because the free ride will be over one day.