My husbands Uncle just passed away and he was a huge part of our lives, we saw him almost every day, he was more like a father than an uncle. We took both our children to the funeral 5 years and 15 months. A lot of people thought that we were crazy and think the 5 yr old will have nightmares ect.. He has been great so far the funeral was only 4 days ago.but I have noticed a couple of thing he old woke up this morning and said to the 15 month old "it's ok baby brother I'm right here I'm not dead. If he can't find someone that he is looking for right away he'll yell "what are you dead?"
The same day we heard about Uncle Bob our dog was hit and killed by a car.He wanted to see the dog, he said good bye and told him we loved him then huged me and said I'm scared and that was it he doesn't talk about the dog any more. We to told him that Uncle Bob is an angle now and he's up in heaven and we told him Triton was there too.Did we do the right thing any adivce for anything up and coming?
2007-01-17 08:44:26 · 8 answers · asked by austring06 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Sounds like he is procesing it very well. i would be more concerned if he refused to talk about it and started acting out.
you local library probably has some good books to read together about death and dying.
It is good that you are open and willing to talk it through with him. i think it would be worse if you hadn't let him go to the funeral and he never got to see uncle or doggy again.
If he seems to be getting more afraid, or acts violently he may need some play therapy. it sounds like he is doing well and working it out in his own way.
2007-01-17 08:52:08 · answer #1 · answered by Terrible Threes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely did the right thing. The "death talk" from your son is totally normal...it's what's on his mind right now, and while some of it may seem morbid to you it's important for him to be able to talk about it HIS way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog too. Sometimes people just shrug off the death of a pet but your dog was a family member and his unexpected death can be just as traumatic for a kid as if it was the death of a human family member. Our cat died last year and we got an excellent book at the library called "When a Pet Dies" by Fred Rogers (yes, THE Mr. Rogers) for our 3-year-old son. It is very simple for this age group, and talks a lot about how the child may feel, what it means to be dead (no talk of heaven or the afterlife, Mr. Rogers leaves that up to you and your personal beliefs), etc. I think it is really great for your son that you are up-front and honest about death.
2007-01-17 17:02:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it might be something you should discuss w/ his pediatrician. You should probably have discussed it w/ him/her beforehand to see if s/he thought it was a good idea in the first place, but that is a moot point now. When my g'ma died 5 yrs ago, I took my sons, then ages 5 and 2 1/2, w/ me. We explained to my five yr old that g'ma was in heaven w/ God, and that g'ma was an angel now. And that she was watching over him and protecting him. He seemed to accept that even though he still occasionally asked questions. We just answered to the best of our ability. He has since gone to more funerals, including a child's, and he seems to be able to handle things okay, as long as we continue to talk to him about it.
2007-01-17 17:05:21 · answer #3 · answered by ksueditz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing... when my grandfather passed, my son was only 2. He put a stuffed animal in the casket with my grandfather and whispered Granddads sleeping....
I think that you need to just reassure your son that his Uncle and dog are in heaven watching over him and that yelling "are you dead" is not the way to get the proper answer!
2007-01-17 16:54:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went to my grandfathers furneral when I was around 6 or 7. I adored him when he was alive. When I was at his furneral it was a closed casket. But at the furneral I wasn't crying (I was sad to see my dad in tears though), I was just learning about death. I talked about it for awhile of course, but my parents calmly put up with me and answered all my questions without reservation. The only down side was that when my parents told me that one day they would die (after I asked), I cried like hell. The up side was that we were at a restaurant and I remember my parents trying to calm me down while apologizing to everyone in the restaurant :).
Therefore, I believe what you did was only natural.
2007-01-17 16:53:36 · answer #5 · answered by Big Daddy Jim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were right. The uncle was a very important person to your family........plus kids have to understand death to some point.......it happens. I know LOTS of ppl in our community who take thier kids to funerals, if they dont bring them its seen as odd...its a respect thing.
2007-01-17 16:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by mommy2be in march! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
MY son was 4 when his great great grandma died, and 6 when his great grandma died.
He was way TOOOOOOO YOUNG to go to the funeral and services. But, he did go to the luncheon afterwards.
So many people wanted to hug him and hold him. It was very comforting for them.
2007-01-17 16:50:27 · answer #7 · answered by kabmiller@verizon.net 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think you were completely right... it teaches your children not to be afraid of death and it prepares them for (god forbid) deaths in the future.
2007-01-17 16:53:34 · answer #8 · answered by MiSS iDALiA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋