How can I tell my father that he is not a good father and I don't have the duty to love him?

Question

my father is a very selfish person on earth the only thing he cares about is himself, he don't give a dame about his 4 kids, he is in his old ages and he drinks and smokes alot , and when ever he drinks he acts very stupid and dull, what hurts me the most, when he insults my poor mother, the only reason she is with him is because of her kids, she is always sad and can't do anything what she likes to do. he has no respect for her, and because of that I hate him so much, I don't even wanna see his face, and I want to tell him this but I'm scared that he might hit me. what shall I do, I love my mom,

Answer 1

If you actually think he might hit you, why tell him? If you have any way to escape and help your mom escape, explore that instead. Try talking to a counselor in more detail, so that you can get some specific, professional help in handling what sounds like a very bad situation. My sympathies, and good luck.

Answer 2

well it sounds like u been through the same things as me but the thing i can tell u to do is talk to ur mom about taking u to a counselor somewhere and set up an appointment with him and there u will be safe to talk about anything and im pretty sure it will help, just tell him everything that he is doing wrong and give him suggestion of thing that he can do better, and bout that drinking and smoking problem, well for the drinks u can dump them out and thow them away or u can just dump some out and put water in it so it wont have as much of affect, and for that smoking thing i would break and throw away the ciggarets whenever he is asleep or whenever he is at work, and make sure u got to his car and check there too for any ok? but incase he does wanna hit u just leave the house, call the police. Whenever he is about to get drunk or something like that go out with your friends or family and have a good time ok.. bye . hope my information help cus i been through that..

Answer 3

Don't presure yourself I have kinda the same problems too. Except my mom and dad are divorce since I was 5 or 6 (I am 12) I hated my mom first and then suddenly everything changed! Like what you said your dad smokes and drinks right? So does my dad and I tell him to stop but he gets angry or upset. It might take time to ask him how you really feel but one day it will come. I did it and my dad yelled at me but that was when I wasn't ready so sometimes you might need a break. If your parents are divorce and you live with your mom you don't have to go to your dad's house cause that might be your desicion. Just trust me on this, I have alot of problems but I try to manage. I might be 12 but you might be older which gives you a good chance. Trust in yourself...spread your wings and prepare to fly. Meaning that if you want to succed then open up when you are ready and do what you need to do. I hope this message will help you. Good luck and I will be praying for you =D.

Kafuinne

Answer 4

Are you still living at home? If so this is a little tricky, considering you're afraid he'll hit you. If you live away from him, then call him on the phone and tell him exactly how you feel. Otherwise, I really don't think there's any way to say it without him getting angry. If he ever hits you, though, you should report it right away. As child abuse if you're under 18, as assault if you're over. Take pictures of the abuse or even set up a hidden camera when he's drunk to catch him being mean.

Answer 5

If you're an adult, visit sometime when he's drinking so you can call the police on him, at the very least they'll talk him into going to AA. It sounds like he's a real abuser though, so your mom needs to gt a restraining order on him (she probably won't)
If you're under age 18, call 1-800-4ACHILD it's a 24 hour hot line that will get an investigation started within 48 hours.

Answer 6

Ahhh but you DO have the duty to love him...you just don't have the duty to respect him. It is not your father's fault that your mother has CHOSEN to stay with him. So don't blame him for that. If you love your mother you will open up HER eyes to the fact that she has choices in this life and to Stop making her children excuses for her making what apparently is the wrong choice. It takes TWO to make a marriage whether good or bad so the blame does NOT rest solely on your father's shoulders. Your mother is an enabler and until she removes herself from that role your father will continue being the way he is.

Answer 7

You should honor your father even if you don't approve of what he does. Maybe you should write him a letter and read it to him out loud. Somehow, try to find the courage to tell him how you feel in the most respectful way you can. My father is gone and I can't confront him anymore, and I wish I had when he was alive! I have had many dreams about him which reveal to me that I both hated and loved my dad.

Answer 8

That's a tough one...you could try writing him a letter and put it in his car before he goes to work (don't tell him while he is drunk) that way he has the whole day to think about it with out you around. So if he does get mad he will have had some time to cool off. My dad never hit us but he'd get loud and that's what I remember doing because it made him think about it before he said anything mean or hurtful. Good Luck sweetie.

Answer 9

Here is what you do, did this with my dad:

Dad I love you. I really do but you treat mom like crap. You don't care about anyone but yourself. I hate that about you. I hate that you drink I hate that you smoke. I hate that you disrespect mom. I hate a lot of what you do but I still love you because you gave me life. If you cannot change some of these things and are not willing to change some of these things then I cannot allow you to be a part of my life.

Answer 10

I had an uncle that way. When he next insults your mother in front of you object clearly and loudly. Then ignore him. Invite only your mother to your home. Take only your mother out to dinner, etc. Soon he will ask why is he not included. Then give him a clear earful of why you have grown to dislike him, and tell him you will continue to keep your mother close.

Stand your ground, he probably not had anyone object to him... especially his daughter. If he gets violent do what you have to do, including police.