Im going to be a bridesmaid in my friends’ wedding. I have known her my entire life (24 years) and we are going to try on and buy the dresses this weekend. I called her a little bit ago and asked her ‘who is paying for the dresses?’ she said that I will have to pay for my own. Then I asked ‘how much am I looking at?’ She said possibly $200.00!!!
I just moved out and I have to pay rent and all my bills. I can afford to pay $200.00 for a dress that I only going to wear for a few hours!! And I know that she will have us pay for the shoes and hair…
Im getting married in May of 2008 and I plan of paying for everything. I think that is the proper way. It’s HER wedding, if she picks out a dress that cost that much, I think that she should either pay for the whole thing or a least half it with us. (It’s only me and her sister in the wedding).
Here is my question:
How can I tell her that I can’t afford to pay for this? I have my own stuff that I need to save for and pay for…
thanks!!!
2007-01-17 08:23:03 · 35 answers · asked by *+*+baby dust*+*+ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
sorry, i wrote can in a few places by mistake...i CAN NOT pay for the dress... :)
2007-01-17 08:34:33 · update #1
it is so hard for me to tell her that i either cant be in her wedding or even asking her to pay half for the dress...
i dont want this to ruin of relationship at all...i have known her for a life time already...
$200.00 is not that much to spend, but it is when u dont have it...aahhh....what to do?!?!?!?!
2007-01-17 08:43:33 · update #2
Just tell her you can't afford the dress.
Usually you do have to pay for the dress yourself.
2007-01-17 08:28:34 · answer #1 · answered by ~*~Tessa~*~ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
After reading a few answers, I see a lot of people seem to be under the notion that brides pay for their bridesmaids dresses, this is untrue! The task of buying the bridesmaid dress is on the bridesmaid herself. However, if you are in the position where $200 may not be feesable, then have a lil chat with your friend. What can she do? Be mad? I think that if you've had a lot of notice and time, and knew before hand that you would be buying said dress, then you wouldn't have planned. But like you said, you just gave her a call and found this out, so that sucks! She should have been more diligent, but you should have also expected it.
I'm getting married in September, and all my bridesmaids and maid of honour are buying their own dress. I'm buying all their accessories, and paying for a spa day the day before and to get their hair and makeup done the day of. As well as getting them a gift, I think that's good. I've got thousands of dollars to pay for the wedding itself. Yes, it may be my wedding, but proper etiquette shows that the girls buy their own dresses.
My maid of honour isn't able to buy her dress at the moment, we're going next weekend, and it's been that date for about 3 months now, more than enough time to gather $115. (1/2 the amount)... She wasn't able to, and said that she spent too much on Christmas. I was a little upset. I have to go out this weekend and write a cheque for $7500 for a partial payment on the FOOD. I think people need to be a little more responsible. In any event, I will be paying for her dress. It needs to be ordered. But I understand and you know what, it's just money. Tell your friend, I hope she's understanding. She should be! :)
Good luck :)
2007-01-17 11:54:02 · answer #2 · answered by Kass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You find some way to pay for the dress. Just because you are making different plans for your own wedding, that is your way. If you absolutely cannot cut something out of your life to pay for the dress -- then you will have to tell her asap that you cannot be an attendant. There are other costs - what will you do about those? The shower gift, helping pay for hosting the shower, the bachelorette party, the wedding gift, your shoes for the wedding, getting your hair done, accessories --- sounds like you just hadn't thought this through before you agreed, girl.....
2007-01-17 09:39:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never herd of a bride paying for the entire wedding party's clothes; the bridesmaids are supposed to pay for their own, it goes with the territory. The bridesmaids usually also pitch in for a shower of some sort. That is why people ASK others to be in their wedding, and let them consider it.
You should tell her that you didn't realize the expense of being in the wedding and don't think you can afford it. She may offer to help, but more likely (as you will find out when you get further into planning your own wedding) you will find that all of her money is tied up in other aspects of the wedding.
2007-01-17 08:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by Just tryin' to help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to grafully decline the honor of being in the bridal party due to financial reasons. Tell her that you really apretiate her naming you a bridesmaid, but you can;t afford the dress, as you have other financial resposabilities to take care of.
Tell her as soon as possible, otherwise, she will run into problems matching up the grooms's party.
BTW, the bridemaids paid for the dresses. It has always been this way. You should have taken this into considderation before accepting being a bridesmaid. Some brides help offset the costs of the dresses, but this is an optional courtesy; the bride is not obligated to do this.
You may ask ther bride if there are any suitable alternatives to this dress. You may even try to find the same BM dress online or have in made for you for less.
In any event, you must inform the bride with ample time to make any changes on time.
Good luck
2007-01-17 08:33:26 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah she's way out of line there! Being a bridesmaid is for sure no longer a concern to her so i might want to say that to her and then say if she will't arise with the money for the dress then you definately'll ought to change her with someone who can. And heavily, $80 on a bridesmaid dress isn't a lot funds in any respect!
2016-10-15 09:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by kincade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in a wedding (and I've been in a lot) that the bride paid for my bridesmaid dress. You can't tell her she has to pay for it or pay for half. But maybe if you CALMLY talk to her about it, between the 2 of you, you can come up with some kind of plan....maybe you all can find a dress that isn't $200. I just paid $90 for the dress I am wearing in my sister's wedding in April.
Good luck!
2007-01-17 09:13:38 · answer #7 · answered by AmyB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just be honest. Call her or go by and tell her that you honestly would love to be in her wedding and feel honored that she asked you, but you really can't afford this dress at this time.
Also, depending on when the wedding is - a lot of bridal stores allow you to put dresses on layaway so that may be an option for you and you can pay a little bit each week or every other week until it is paid off.
Good luck
2007-01-17 08:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by Drea G. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe you can finance the dress? I know most bridal shops in my area let you put down a payment, and then you can make payments on it whenever till its paid off. Lots of people have their bridesmaids pay for the dresses, My bridesmaids are paying for theirs, and I have paid for everyone I ever wore! Its not un-proper just cuz its not the way you plan to do it. If you pick out an expensive dress and shes in your wedding then she can pay for hers. Talk to the bride, but don't be all confrontational...explain the situation and see if maybe she can pay half or whatever you 2 can work out, but first calm down and be rational.....I hope you can be more willing to go along with other stuff for her wedding! good luck with it all!
2007-01-17 08:42:47 · answer #9 · answered by ASH 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been friends with this girl for 24 years, don't let $200 dollars ruin it now. It's her wedding, (hopefully her only wedding). A lot of bridesmaids have to pay for thier own dresses(weddings are so exspensive). Talk to your friend, tell her the truth, of course you want to be in her wedding, and should be, is there any way to compromise? Can she find a cheaper dress, or help with the cost?? Just tell her you are broke right now, and what would she like you do to about the exspenses, when you don't have the money, just don't let money stand in the way of your friendship, or her dream wedding.
2007-01-17 08:34:07 · answer #10 · answered by Kimberly H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you are a bridesmaid in someones wedding, it's them asking you to be a part of their day, they are actually supose to pay for anything that you may require to be in their wedding. i mean seriously though...it's not your own. i am getting married in September, i don't have tons of money to spend on my bridesmaids, so i asked them if they would be ok paying for their hair and make up.....i asked...i didn't tell, and they were fine with that. I would just let your friend know that you are strapped for cash, and if you have to buy your own dress for the wedding you can't afford to spend that much on it. You can find really nice dresses that don't cost $200.00. Try looking outside of a Bridal shop. Bridal shops charge way to much for dresses, and i find most ugly.
2007-01-17 08:32:06 · answer #11 · answered by Jamie Lynn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋