My mom gave me & my brother up when we were 4 & 5; she chose a man who did awful, unthinkable things over us. Our grandparents took us in and raised us wonderfully. Now, 15 years later, she is trying to re-build relationships with everyone. However, she's STILL with this awful man. I've noticed her e-mail address on forwards from the family and she sends gifts to my son from "grammy" which just pisses me off - she doesn't deserve to be a part of my son's life and never will. Being that my other family members are obviously communicating with her, I haven't brought up my concerns because they come off selfish and controlling. Am I wrong for being upset about this? Am I being childish? My brother & I don't have a good relationship and rarely speak. He's in the Army and overseas a lot which doesn't help, so I haven't asked him about his opinion. This sucks b/c he's really the only person who was there and went though all that bad stuff with me. Taking serious suggestions!!
2007-01-17 08:11:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't think you are being selfish or childish. What you are feeling is understandable and legitamate. Children look to their parents to provide for them, love them, guide them, and protect them. When parents fail in those areas, the children can no longer trust them. If they keep failing in that area, then the damage is hard to repair. Your mother let you down when you were a child, and she is still letting you down because she is with the man that caused so much harm to you. Maybe you should try talking to her about it. Try only once though. If she doesn't hear you, chooses not to listen or defends him and turns it around on you, then you need to walk away. As for the presents to your children, you need to decide if you want that to continue. You have that right. You are the mother not her. Return the packages to her, and if she asks you about it, then tell her. Don't feel like you are the bad person in this, because you aren't. STand firm. Good luck.
2007-01-17 08:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset, and you are not being childish.
Even if you have forgiven your mother, it doesn't mean you've forgotten what she and her (husband?) did.
I believe you have every right to protect your child from anyone and anything you find inappropriate.
Just because she wants to rebuild her relationship with you does not mean you have to comply. People think that if they change later, it changes everything including the past, which it does not. She made mistakes, and is suffering the consequences of her decisions. Too bad for her, but you need to live your life as you see fit for you and your child.
Focus on your family, and be the best mother you can be. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for the feelings you have earned by experience.
Good luck to you, and I hope this helps. :)
2007-01-17 08:23:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please do not live angry, it will only effect your relationships. Maybe she is starting to understand what have she done. I definitely don't think you should just throw the wall you have been trying to build for 15 yrs down, but maybe if you just gave her a slim chance to proof to you she is sorry it will make YOU feel free and a little lighter on your heart, feel like it's your chance to receive something instead of trying to run after(I mean her)and have her do the job so you can start the healing process. Being distant and unapproachable will make you feel only angrier and you going to relive all the pain ....don't do that. Invite her in very slowly and don't allow her take over your life and happiness by being angry at her.
2007-01-17 08:28:49 · answer #3 · answered by joanna m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-15 09:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by kincade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your "mother" allowed you to be abused, and she is still with the man who did it? Do not let her near your son. When she sends him a gift, you don't have to give it to him.
She is a danger to any child in the extended family. You should warn the others who are parents.
Do not try to appease people who would risk a child's well-being for an illusion of family.
2007-01-17 09:46:02 · answer #5 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i could really associate with you i went through the same thing but i let my mom in and it was hard for awhile and i started to talk to my family and everything and at a point things seemed to get better then she took off again now i feel lonely and have no family to talk to so it is up to you to do the right thing if you think it will hurt you if she comes back don't let here i was okay before she came back and when she left again it made it harder for me to deal with thing so just try to make the right decision to make your life happier. good luck with your decision.
2007-01-17 09:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write a letter to your brother about your concerns. I would be upset too im sorry but the damage is done and u have every right to feel the way u do.
2007-01-17 13:25:03 · answer #7 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on your age at the present date,you do have the option of pressing charges against the guy,if he molested you,there is a 18 year statue of limitations to be able to prosecute the perpetrator.and no you are not being childish.there are allot more people out here that went threw the same kind of abuse in there childhood. i was one of the lucky ones my mother kicked our abuser to the curb once she found out what he was doing to us.and she had him prosecuted and he went to prison,and your right in your decision to not have anything to do with her as long as she is still with you and your brothers abuser,because he won't atop they never do not even with help from a therapist or any other kind of so called cure. i also know this from personal experience my biological father got out of prison and turned right around and did the same thing that he went to prison for again. only this time around he got his just dues, he died in prison,the second time around they didn't let him out. sources my own messed up childhood.
2007-01-17 09:55:40 · answer #8 · answered by LaRie c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom you can't have a relationship her as long as she chooses an abuser over her own children and you won't expose your children to him.
Abuser's don't change!! Therapy seldom works even for the few who seek it. Stick to your guns on this.
2007-01-17 08:28:25 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋