My 11 year has a anger problem and is mean to others what should i do?

Question

my 11 year has been having to deal with the his anger. he is harmful to others and has said he wishes he was deaded. he is having to deal with the fact that the only father he has ever known will not do anything with him any more. he has 2 younger siblings one of which lives with there dad(they all have the same dad) the other lives me. but he has to see him every friday. he always asked to go but he (the dad) will not let him. my son will not listen to anyone and u can't correct him in anyway because he just get worse

what you have to understand is that disciplning dose not work on him he only pulls ten times more he dose not care how much u take any or how much u beat him (i don't really beat him but still u get the point)

Answer 1

Only someone uneducated on the subject matter would recommend beating a child, esp. a child with anger problems and thoughts of suicide. It sounds to me like it is time to reach out for help right away, before this gets worse, and it can get worse! Talk to the childs doctor, and folllow up on his reccomendations. No child is born evil or wishes to be bad. If a child is misbehaving there is a problem. Usually it is lack of parental attention, but in this case, since it is so exteme, there is obviously more going on here.

Answer 2

give him coping skills that he can use and practice the skills when he is not angry. Sometimes just talking with him will help both of you figure out where the anger is coming from, and talk to him with no strings attached. Meaning that he will not get in trouble for talking to you. What works best for my son is that while I'm doing dishes (my back is turned) and he sits at the table...doing homework, playing legos, etc..and he is free to talk.

Try correcting him after the situation when everybody is calm. Trying to correct him during the incident will only cause chaos and will not be a learning experience.

Also, stop the behavior before it starts. Look for signs of distress. IE my son paces, shifts his eyes, and gets fidgety. At this point I redirect him to do something that he has to focus on, drawing, puzzles, etc. When he is calmed we can then discuss the who, what, when, where, & whys.

Have you tried counceling? It can answer some of the questions because a therapist is a neutral 3rd party. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But you don't really know unless you've tried it.

Answer 3

Having worked with youth for more then 19 years I would say your son is feeling left out and possibly has emotional problems resulting from his fathers refusal to have dealings with him. I would suggest Big Brothers and Big Sisters for him to help him find some avenue of release. That said, I don't see how a father can reject his own child and feel the need to abuse him in this way. In my view he is not a father but a sperm donor. A real father would never exclude one child and treat his children any different. I love both my children and feel as both are the apple of my eye. My heart goes out to your son in that respect and wish there was some way he could find a male figure such as an uncle or grandfather that could replace his empty headed father if only to talk and express his feelings in a positive manner. He might also benefit from anger management.

Answer 4

Have you tried doing one on one with your child. What I mean is when the father is doing things with the other two kids just you and your 11 year old do something. You need to talk with him try to find out whats going on with him in school, friends, his relationship with his father, and his other siblings and with yourself. Once you get him to open up to you then you can help him heal. You have to let him know that you are on his side no matter what the problem is even if it is with you. At 11 they are now tring to figure out where do they stand in life because they are not little kids anymore but there not grown up yet either. If you see that his father is not willing to take him out with theother children then you do it play ball, video games, watch a movie and once you gain his trust again then he will come to you and talk about any problem he have. It's not alway good to discipline a child sometime they just need to be reminded that I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. Now if that does not work then seek professional help before he hurt himself or one else.

You also need to talk to his dad and remind him he have 3 kids not one or two if he don't start spending time with his 11 yr old now then by the time he is ready his child will not be there for him like he is not there for your 11 yr old now. Because if he keep on waiting it will be to late and by then your 11 yr old won't be a child anymore he will be a grown up doing grown up things and won't have time for his father.

You as a mother pay a little more attentence to him get more involved in his life make time for him even if it is only 20 mins a day just to talk but must of LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAVE TO SAY you will be surprise to somethings they notice in lfe.

Answer 5

TO BE HONEST AND I STAND BY THIS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT BUT CHILDREN THAT ACT UP ALL THE TIME JUST WANT ATTENTION AND SOMEWHERE IN THERE HE KNEW THAT THIS WAS THE WAY HE COULD GET YOUR ATTENTION AND FRANKLY THAT IS NOT THE WAY THE KID SHOULD BE THINKING. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE DISCIPLINED GROWING UP REGARDLESS OF A FATHER FIGURE OR NOT. i HAD A STEP FATHER AND HE WAS A TOTAL AHOLE BUT I STILL TURNED OUT FINE IM NOT IN JAIL I DONT HAVE ANY KIDS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE AND I LIVE A GREAT CARE FREE LIFE. SO IT IS DEFINITELY A CRY FOR ATTENTION AND SOME DICIPLINE STOP FEELING SORRY FOR HIM AND HE WILL SEE THAT HIS ANTICS DONT WORK AND HE WILL SMARTEN UP AND BEHAVE OR HE WILL BECOME A BULLY OR WORSE. i HATE TO SAY THIS KIND OF THING BUT KIDS ONLY ACT UP BECAUSE OF THE PARENTS TEACHINGS OR LACK OFF. YOU HAVE TO STERN WITH KIDS THESE DAYS OR THEY WALK ALL OVER YOU.

Answer 6

Honestly the dad needs to spend one on one time with your son. Why is he not? I would seek a professional counselor for all of you to see, mostly your son, but I think you all need to see a counselor, to help all the kids and you and the dad face what is truely going on. I have a 11 yr old with ODD, I am divorced from her dad and he doesn't follow up on his visits like he should so we all suffer her pain because she shows out. Get your son the help he needs now, or you may not have him later.

Answer 7

This is not about you mom- Please take no offense to this- its a common issue.

Please get him to a therapist. He needs an outside source to confide in. Maybe even a "big brother" program.

This is a serious warning sign of "lack of structure".
Eleven year olds are not drama queens so much.
We need a healthy MALE role model.
Soccer coach, Cub Scouts, Church or Brother in law- someone.
Once a week at least, for a few hours. Trust me, even if is a ride home from school and Mc Donalds on the way home. That will help out.

I know that hurts you mom. I know it. Leave Dad out- if he can't be counted on to BE there, then plan for other things.

Answer 8

Get him some help, and as far the father tell him if they can't treat them all equal the if he can not the he needs to see the other two in a different setting because that is adding insult to injury you are the mother you have to look out for your children fist if you don't know one will and you will regret it for the rest of you life.

Answer 9

Its sounds horrible AND expensive but i was like that when i was around his age as well. My parents put me into councilling for many years and they just had to pretty much let me go. I moved into a foster home for about 6 months and i loved the freedom. I was very rebelious. But than i moved back by my choice (it was also my choice to move into a foster home) But, once i moved back i was this mature young lady. It was great
I know have friends and family that couldnt be prouder. Yes i did get into some bad stuff but, nothing to terrible.

Answer 10

Beat an angry 11 year old? Horrible advice Darren! Yah, like that is going to work.
It sounds like you need to check out some therapy. It seems like a big issue since you mention there is no father. Get help now before it gets worse. You can't do this alone.